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Post by peaceandfreedom on Aug 28, 2019 10:08:35 GMT -5
Looks like progress, CC! Yay, you! 😸
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Post by mylittlescholar on Aug 28, 2019 14:37:31 GMT -5
woo hoo!
I've been working on baby steps too. This week some combo of the meds and the annual swing from depression to hypomania and other progress I am making in therapy allowed me to actually make a plan, a list, and accomplish things on it. I honestly was beginning to despair that I would ever get out of park and into first gear again. It was so hard to be stuck on the sidelines reading other folks' progress here for what seemed like months, but I did post about the inner work I was doing, and counted that. the support here is amazing.
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Post by creativechaos on Aug 30, 2019 20:34:32 GMT -5
in reading Unswamping's new action thread, i am edging toward something that i dare not write down, because every time i write a goal, i self-sabotage or get hung up in not knowing how to break it down, or get so distracted or full of resistance i never do it - coupled with bad squalorly habits... so IF i do it i will write about it when i get it done. there is something about "committing to it on paper in front of witnesses" that terrifies me. i am where you just described, mylittlescholar - stuck on the sidelines of paralysis, high anxiety, and frustration. at least you did some inner work - LOTS! i'm glad to hear that you've got things moving again! i'm in park, but idling... did some tiny things on the dice game thread, and dealt with more papers.
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Post by Unswamping on Aug 30, 2019 20:40:01 GMT -5
creativechaos i feel bad! I just invited you to join the thread. I can delete it.
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Post by Unswamping on Aug 30, 2019 20:51:30 GMT -5
peaceandfreedom im glad you are feeling better now. I hope things continue to go well, i know its a choronic condition.
mylittlescholar you do more in a day than i do all week! You get so much done and all the inner work too!
I guess i would have to say ive been idling in neutral and if i took my foot off the brake, i could move. larataylor i love that clean this and do a tiny bit more. I call it "stretching". It really does work! After i washed the dishes tonight, i wiped the counter and a bit of the wall where the coffeemaker always seems to splash tiny coffee droplets. I didnt do that for the longest time and the first time it took a bit to get it clean, now it jst takes a quick swipe. (Dont get excited about "clear" counter, its only two feet between wall and sink, just enough for coffeemaker and teeny space to make coffee.)
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Post by creativechaos on Sept 1, 2019 11:41:32 GMT -5
please don't feel too bad about it, Unswamping - i should have asked about the thread, and the people that are on it are DOERS. i felt a little intimidated at the same time i felt a lot inspired. but reading there has helped me see that even the "together" people fight the same battles i do, and have to figure out how to get around or through various obstacles. WTG on a cleared coffee counter! you've been getting so much done - i've followed along. i focused on something else yesterday and then worked jazz fest and didn't get home til almost midnight. merchandising is the most demanding job of jazz fest and we're usually the last ones out of the bldg. today is a free event. i am enjoying the music - tonight is Brazillian jazz! then it's over. i was hoping to do some sewing tomorrow at cat care/garden land since owner is away and i just like sewing there and keeping her cats company - they get lonely. but i'll see if that is feasible. there is so much to do here. plus i have my halloween show at the bank in October and want to make some new pieces for that - i may be sharing the show - kind of an awkward situation but since bank mgr suggested it in front of the other lady and now she is counting on it, i think i have to. going to talk to bank mgr because maybe she would like to have someone else do Oct - i've been doing it for at least 4 years in a row.
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Post by mylittlescholar on Sept 1, 2019 14:58:04 GMT -5
wow, I am so honored that y'all perceive me as a doer! because that is not how I perceive myself. At least not at the moment. I was feeling bad about having only one "good day" this month, but I reminded myself that that's better than zero. There are good reasons for the outcomes that I experience, for the outcomes that we all experience. We each have to wrestle with our own quirks, whether we can explain them or not. at this stage of the game, I look at having survived another day as an accomplishment!
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Post by creativechaos on Sept 13, 2019 18:30:02 GMT -5
i am only going to list what i get done today, no matter how little. YESTERDAY: pulled thistles for a few hrs harvested all my (green) tomatoes before the torrential rains cut a last big beautiful bouquet of flowers dug my garlic - poor harvest. it was near my beans - i think i watered it too much. went to storage to gather fabric pieces and scraps sorted some of them for project mentioned below went to port meeting and took notes went grocery shopping and to food bank put that food away worked on a new needlepoint i started (finished the cat! it needs serious blocking!) started catching up on the neglected dishes
TODAY: this took much of the morning: went through some fabric scraps and donated 5 yards of assorted scraps to a community project happening this weekend - it took a lot of time to even be able to let go of that much, but it was fun to pick what to donate, knowing what it will be for (needs to be able to be written on). i may end up being one of the people who sews them together after people write on them.
delivered the fabrics so that the poets performing at the event could have it (wish i could go!) finished putting the plum sauce i made 3 days ago into containers put those in freezer - freezer now has NO ROOM.
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Post by creativechaos on Sept 14, 2019 9:56:05 GMT -5
new day, new resolve hopefully. i faced a wall of resistance yesterday, binge-ate and it took me 12 hrs to do some dishes! SAT. tasks completed so far: cleaned some (not all) old food out of fridge. took trash and recycle to dumpster scooped cat box and fed and cuddled cat ate breakfast i'm writing a to do list of things i do NOT want to forget: mail bd card to sis before 10:30 farmers market for produce, if not rained out scan two i.d. documents to electronically send today - decided i did not need amazon prime, even at reduced rate. tried it for free and never really used it, though i did watch a movie on it tonight! so it will expire tomorrow, as planned.
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Post by mylittlescholar on Sept 14, 2019 14:20:28 GMT -5
how lovely to find a good and maybe even fun cause to which to donate some of your stash. I wish I had brought my calendar with me to CA, cause Sept is one of my favorites, the detail of the embroidered phoenix. Anyone lucky enough to have your art gets pleasure from it every day.
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Post by Unswamping on Sept 14, 2019 15:13:32 GMT -5
creativechaos please dont feel intimidated by my thread. Everyone working there struggles just like you and i. Having a place to talk about it and figure things out helps. Plus the limited focus of making a path to one activity helps me alot. You do get stuff done, you are a doer. Its just not always home related, thats ok. Great job on letting go of the fabric. It sounds like its going to wonderful use!
mylittlescholar surving another day is a great accomplishment. Hoping that we all can move forward and get to do more than that. Just keep putting one foot in front of the other....
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Post by oxen on Sept 15, 2019 6:31:29 GMT -5
Just popping in to offer some gentle encouragement:
Breathe in. A nice deep breath. Let it out very slowly. Reflect that you matter exactly as much as every other person matters.
💗
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Post by creativechaos on Sept 15, 2019 17:42:58 GMT -5
thanks, mylittlescholar for the kind things you said about my art and for the kudos on my small donation of fabric. What you said in the other thread about meaning really struck a chord with me since i've been listening to lots of dharma talks and see how mutable everything is, including meanings i assign to things. Unswamping, i love your action thread; i absolutely need to stop comparing myself with the real doers who get tons done and are further along the path than i am - after all, the doers shine the light on the path for the rest of us. i guess i can look at Thomas Edison's statement "i have not failed. i have found 10,000 ways that won't work (yet!) - paraphrased of course. He did not give up after thousands of "failures." i so often give up before even trying. that's where my thoughts really defeat me. oxen - thanks for visiting and for your good advice - breathing in, and out, with attention, seems to help everything be right-sized - including my ego and thoughts about things. i guess i will try listing some of those small successes again today. so far i have only made and eaten a meal. called an old friend who relocated back to Philly. good conversation. scooped litterbox cleared off my rocking chair in LR so i have another place to sit besides at computer (did not really get rid of anything though) cleaned some old food out of fridge. took out trash and recycle.
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Post by larataylor on Sept 15, 2019 21:48:06 GMT -5
Today I did my laundry, including some curtains from the old house and the sheet & pillow cases I keep on the LR furniture here (for cat hair).
I ate some real food.
I asked for recommendations for a gutter guy, and messaged the guy that three people suggested.
Opened a conversation with DH, who is away, about things we need to talk about.
Fussed with a lot of photos
Took care of cats
Clipped up some brush into smaller bits to compost. Moved neighbors' fence posts to a tidier placement next to the neighbors' shed. Trespassed a bit to pull some stiltgrass and invasive vine in the corner behind the shed.
Vacuumed a bit in the old house.
Put a bit of laundry away, and draped the rest over my chair.
Texted a friend I've been trying to get together with.
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Post by creativechaos on Sept 17, 2019 1:21:21 GMT -5
larataylor; i'm delighted you came here and visited my thread! WTG on laundry, communications, photo fussing, cat care, and weeding and stacking the neigbors' fence posts more neatly; they probably love you for doing that work for them! it will make *your* view more attractive and that is motivating. i hope you get the good gutter guy and that he comes soon, and that you get to see your friend. today i spent 7 hours straight at storage, rearranging deck chairs on the titanic in a sliding-puzzle situation with little to no room for wrestling boxes and shelving and lifting over my head to get things out of extremely tight spaces. i am feeling it in my back, but am happy with the work i did. i've had the idea for months - it was the whole reason why i had the social worker help me with shelf building. i finally felt the energy to do one of just many phases. i moved the fabric and the shelves it was on from the large unit to hallway, moved stuff around in both the large and small units, and took almost all the fabric out of the large unit to fit into the small unit so there is now NO more fabric in the large unit except for a tub of polar fleece that i don't have access to right now. in consolidating the fabric all into one place, i can see how much i have (too much to fit the designated space i'm allowing.) then i took everything off the folding table from small unit and put it in place of the shelves that were there; so i made a little work area in the big for art projects or sorting... and i even hung up a few mosaics and make it look more attractive there where i will sit. it's a start. another day like today and i can get somewhere. i didn't realize i'd been there at storage for so long - i forgot to eat or bring food because i thought it would take "only a few hours" so much for my time-estimation abilities! i was tired and starved when done, and luckily there was a free spanish-english "mixer" dinner tonight where they fed us, so i ate a big dinner and got to see some of the latinx community which was really nice. their English is so much better than my Spanish. i didn't write the storage challenge down on the action thread, but this has been on my mind to do ever since i decided to convert wee shoppie to a storage space. i'm sad that i won't be able to use it as a space to make a little income for Christmas season, but hoping that if i clean out some, i will figure out something for next summer; i think this winter is out. the things i plan to store in the small unit are fabric, canvases, some books maybe, and some picture frames. i have a ridiculous amount of those too. my back won't let me do that kind of lifting again for awhile, but i am pleased to have made a start on "phase 1" of many. i have designated those fabric shelves i moved as the space the fabric must fit. i have a lot of extra boxes of fabric in this small unit, so some is going to have to go or get used. i have a whole roomful of fabric at the apt too, and i need to improve access there too, but more important, make it easy to use it, and i'll need to donate the quilts or quilt tops i make; i haven't room. for right now, i am going to focus on bringing some stuff to the exchange or thrift store on Thurs later this week, because i can't move in either space. i'm still hanging onto the idea of the large unit as a FUNCTIONAL studio and getaway... forget the idea of yard sales or money - i just want room to move and create. to pay under $200 for a studio space is so cheap - i'm not going to give up on the idea just yet. as long as i have those units i will have to do garden work for them - unless i can generate enough income to afford paying for my "hobbies" since i am not allowed to make any income on SSI.
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