james
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Joined: January 2018
Posts: 35
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Post by james on Jan 20, 2018 23:57:20 GMT -5
I was a total louse today, didn’t get anything done. I did feel good when I woke up this morning and spent the early part of the day working outside on the farm. Took a nap afterwards and slept the rest of the day...I’m still having a hard time recovering from the flu last week I guess 🙁 Tomorrow’s a new day!
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Post by joyinvirginia on Jan 21, 2018 12:00:50 GMT -5
James, so you have to care for your mother, the house, and a FARM too?!? And you are just recovering from illness yourself? [True Confession: I have been there, done that as only child with an elderly mother who needed help that I could NOT provide on my own.] You need help! Its unreasonable for one person to have to deal with all that. My suggestion, [ since you say your mother has financial resources that she doesn't want to spend.] tell the siblings and mother that you need help to keep up with housekeeping, farm, regular errands, taking mom to appointments, etc. And tell mom that you have to have her help in hiring someone to either help clean inside maybe every two weeks, for vacuuming and dusting and cleaning bathrooms and laundry. OR hire someone to help with farm tasks. OR to help with her personal care, bathing, dressing, meal prep. If your mother had to pay someone to stay with her at home 24/7 it would cost in the neighborhood of $5000+ monthly. Minimum. So she can pay something toward help for you, or risk you burning out and getting sick again and then she will be paying lots more if a crisis happens. Best wishes to you and her, this is not an easy situation to deal with.
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james
New Member
Joined: January 2018
Posts: 35
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New here
Jan 21, 2018 15:54:29 GMT -5
via mobile
Post by james on Jan 21, 2018 15:54:29 GMT -5
James, so you have to care for your mother, the house, and a FARM too?!? And you are just recovering from illness yourself? [True Confession: I have been there, done that as only child with an elderly mother who needed help that I could NOT provide on my own.] You need help! Its unreasonable for one person to have to deal with all that. My suggestion, [ since you say your mother has financial resources that she doesn't want to spend.] tell the siblings and mother that you need help to keep up with housekeeping, farm, regular errands, taking mom to appointments, etc. And tell mom that you have to have her help in hiring someone to either help clean inside maybe every two weeks, for vacuuming and dusting and cleaning bathrooms and laundry. OR hire someone to help with farm tasks. OR to help with her personal care, bathing, dressing, meal prep. If your mother had to pay someone to stay with her at home 24/7 it would cost in the neighborhood of $5000+ monthly. Minimum. So she can pay something toward help for you, or risk you burning out and getting sick again and then she will be paying lots more if a crisis happens. Best wishes to you and her, this is not an easy situation to deal with. Thanks. I stay here basically free, so that’s my “pay”.. I come from a highly dysfunctional family (imagine that) my siblings refuse to help, they say they’re busy with their own lives.. I’ll be ok after I get over the aftermath of this flu, it tried to kill me this year, I’ve never felt so weak in my life....sure hope y’all don’t get it!
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james
New Member
Joined: January 2018
Posts: 35
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Post by james on Jan 21, 2018 18:33:05 GMT -5
Yay! Out of the blue, as usual, another cleaning spree hit me today! Got Moms room and bathroom shoveled out, all the trash bags out of the house and on the curb, her cats litter box clean and reloaded, all the bathroom soaking in bathroom cleaner..and half the kitchen sink drained and de-gunked and soaking in cleaner! None of its “cleaned”, but it’s totally shoveled out and ready to clean.. I’m totally ignoring the 2 extra bedrooms, den and laundry room that are piled to the ceiling with trash and just concentrating on our immediate living areas...but I feel way better since I’ve actually accomplished something else.. Seems I keep avoiding that dining room table though..😒 Maybe I can knock it out when I get back from eating in town..
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james
New Member
Joined: January 2018
Posts: 35
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Post by james on Jan 21, 2018 18:36:29 GMT -5
Hope y’all had a good day 😉
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Post by Tea on Jan 21, 2018 19:19:01 GMT -5
Yay! Out of the blue, as usual, another cleaning spree hit me today! Got Moms room and bathroom shoveled out, all the trash bags out of the house and on the curb, her cats litter box clean and reloaded, all the bathroom soaking in bathroom cleaner..and half the kitchen sink drained and de-gunked and soaking in cleaner! None of its “cleaned”, but it’s totally shoveled out and ready to clean.. I’m totally ignoring the 2 extra bedrooms, den and laundry room that are piled to the ceiling with trash and just concentrating on our immediate living areas...but I feel way better since I’ve actually accomplished something else.. Seems I keep avoiding that dining room table though..😒 Maybe I can knock it out when I get back from eating in town.. Wow! It sounds like you're making such great progress. I think it's wise to concentrate on the areas that are most used and traveled in first, then you can focus on the 'extra' spaces with less of a feeling of emergency. Keep up the great work!
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Post by rededen on Jan 21, 2018 20:34:47 GMT -5
Hi James, it's great that you've found us. This is a very supportive group, for whatever the level of squalor, hoarding, messiness, junk, confusion or whatever. Now, Darl, a bit of advice. Don't try and do it ALL at once, but do try and do a little every day. This group will readily give the info on 'how' to do it. You said that <<Thanks y’all, and yes I “can” do all the suggested things...but I don’t. I clean house from top to bottom maybe once every three years, it almost takes a bulldozer to get it done, but I do it. I dunno what’s wrong with me or why I can’t “manage trash”....actually I do, I was never taught to, I was raised by a depressed squalor mom and now I’m a depressed squalor adult myself>> You've basically answered your own question as to what's wrong with you - a depressed squalor adult. But you can change and coming here is the first step. Onya, James! 'Onya'? hear you say? Very very Aussie word for good on you! Cheers, Red
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james
New Member
Joined: January 2018
Posts: 35
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Post by james on Jan 21, 2018 20:57:07 GMT -5
Hi James, it's great that you've found us. This is a very supportive group, for whatever the level of squalor, hoarding, messiness, junk, confusion or whatever. Now, Darl, a bit of advice. Don't try and do it ALL at once, but do try and do a little every day. This group will readily give the info on 'how' to do it. You said that <<Thanks y’all, and yes I “can” do all the suggested things...but I don’t. I clean house from top to bottom maybe once every three years, it almost takes a bulldozer to get it done, but I do it. I dunno what’s wrong with me or why I can’t “manage trash”....actually I do, I was never taught to, I was raised by a depressed squalor mom and now I’m a depressed squalor adult myself>> You've basically answered your own question as to what's wrong with you - a depressed squalor adult. But you can change and coming here is the first step. Onya, James! 'Onya'? hear you say? Very very Aussie word for good on you! Cheers, Red Thanks!
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Post by papermoon on Jan 22, 2018 0:53:39 GMT -5
james, well done on that amazing cleaning spree today. Very impressive! What kind of farm do you have? Animals? Crops? How big? If those questions are too nosy, please feel free to ignore. But it's a bit harder for us to give useful support if we don't quite know what's what.
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james
New Member
Joined: January 2018
Posts: 35
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New here
Jan 22, 2018 3:47:52 GMT -5
via mobile
Post by james on Jan 22, 2018 3:47:52 GMT -5
james, well done on that amazing cleaning spree today. Very impressive! What kind of farm do you have? Animals? Crops? How big? If those questions are too nosy, please feel free to ignore. But it's a bit harder for us to give useful support if we don't quite know what's what. Just horses, and dogs, but they require care twice a day everyday..and a huge yard to mow/etc
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james
New Member
Joined: January 2018
Posts: 35
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Post by james on Jan 22, 2018 7:53:41 GMT -5
Well it’s happening, just as I feared it would. I just realized a water pipe under the house has burst, no water to the kitchen sink and under the crawl space of the house is flooded. I’m going to have to call a plumber, I hope to God they don’t have to come inside the house, if they do they’re just gonna have to wait and I’m going to have to get really busy and clean up the kitchen. (level 3) Do you think the plumber will have to come inside??? As far as I can tell the bursted pipe is under the house.. HIGH anxiety, shame and very depressed 😪
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Post by Tea on Jan 22, 2018 8:41:30 GMT -5
I couldn't say whether they'd have to come inside, no experience there, but I do understand the anxiety, shame and depression. Over the last six months I've had five intrusive visits into my living space (a rented apartment) and the first few were extremely embarrassing. Get really busy on that kitchen either way! And definitely call the plumber. Water damage is nothing to ignore! Good luck, James!
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james
New Member
Joined: January 2018
Posts: 35
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Post by james on Jan 22, 2018 8:51:09 GMT -5
I couldn't say whether they'd have to come inside, no experience there, but I do understand the anxiety, shame and depression. Over the last six months I've had five intrusive visits into my living space (a rented apartment) and the first few were extremely embarrassing. Get really busy on that kitchen either way! And definitely call the plumber. Water damage is nothing to ignore! Good luck, James! Ugh..I don’t see why they'd HAVE to come in the house since the problems under the house...? ANYBODY?!
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Post by mynicehome on Jan 22, 2018 9:25:25 GMT -5
Hugs james. Sorry to hear about the broken water pipe, and I can understand your angst right now. We all can. But you must take care of this, no matter what. There are members here whose burdens became almost unbearably harder because of not calling in for services as promptly as possible.
My suggestion is to call a plumber and find out if they might need to come into the house. You could phrase your question honestly something like this: my mother is not well and needs rest, would an inside look be required for this? My best guess, however, is that you will probably get the "maybe" reply. I'd run with the "maybe" in any event...there just may be additional problems that are found while the plumber is there.
We know how hard this will be for you. You need your running water in the kitchen, you just need to have that James for your mom's sake and for your own. Not taking care of this responsibly could have negative impact down the road that you simply cannot foresee right now, and then you will be wishing you had taken care of it when it happened.
The plumber will come, fix things, and go. The day of the repair will come and will go. You will not be stuck in this episode, time will move on.
We'll be here to support you James.
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Post by joyinvirginia on Jan 22, 2018 11:21:52 GMT -5
Hi James. Call the plumber and get the pipe fixed. Only when they get there will the plumber know if he has to come inside or not. My son in law does hvac work. When i have asked, he tells me that he is usually concentrating on the job when he is in someone's house. And usually thinking about how much time the job will take, so he can get to the next job. As long as he can get to the equipment he must work on, he doesn't pay attention to clutter or cobwebs. Do call the plumber, and then just pick up obvious trash and make sure there is a clear path to the sink. If they have to come in, tell them you and your mother have both been sick. Good luck, you can do this!
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