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Post by guihong on Mar 27, 2009 0:37:21 GMT -5
Hi, all: I haven't been here for awhile. I have clinical depression. This week on Tuesday, I refilled my medication and started taking it again and I feel SO much better already. But...the house was a total wreck. When I feel depressed, and I do mean depressed, it's just a struggle to get out of bed, let alone clean myself up or the house. I have a DH and three kids, the youngest one with Downs'. Someone called CPS on us for neglect, specifically of the Downs' son . When the inspector came in and saw the house, she gave us 72 hours to clean it up or face possible foster care for the kids . She said all this (put as "take your kids away") while the kids were right there! After she left, DH, kids and I cleaned like fiends and we got the living room done (just have to steam-clean tomorrow), the hallway clear, and many walls washed. I have the two bathrooms, the kitchen, and the bedrooms to do. Still, we've already thrown out 5 bags (!) of trash. I did six loads of laundry, and it's still going. The children are terrified. Both were crying buckets tonight, and I tried my best to reassure them that getting taken away was the last of the last resorts. I told them that we were going to have the place spotless by the time she comes back on Monday, and there was no way we would lie down and let them take them away. But, I'm terrified too. I almost cried, getting chewed out like that. What am I going to do? All I know to do is clean till it screams, then pray... .
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Post by Meme on Mar 27, 2009 0:53:57 GMT -5
oh- I am so sorry and I sincerely wish I could be there to help you and yes- I am ticked at CPS that seems to think that people with clean houses do not neglect there kids -yes- dirt is annoying and unhealthy but so is being so clean your kids can not feel at home and yet I never see CPS complaining about that.......I see this here in our town- I have seen kids smacked just because they spilled the milk on the clean floor- etc- etc etc
I am praying for you do the best you can and yes- I am going to say this- hide some of the stuff - for now- so that you can have the main areas clean
take some bags and stuff and hide under a table and put a nice cloth on it- it is not a good answer for ever but for now- I think it is necessary- toss any garbage you can- such a re fridge
soft soft hugs and I know that others here will be praying and encouraging you too kiss the kidlets for me and hugs too
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Post by CourageouslyLion SeeksSerenity on Mar 27, 2009 1:21:59 GMT -5
- Hi Guihong! This was posted back in June 2008, by one of our members who knows from experience what CPS is looking for. She dealt with them many years ago and was victorious. She said that CPS gave her no specific instructions other than "Clean it up" -- and she found this to be annoying as she didn't know what they really wanted her to do. So she researched the requirements for foster homes, which are more specific. She posted the following notes from her old files: Here is a basic list
Tools and dangerous equipment stored appropriately
Animals at the home vaccinated as required, kept free of disease
Equipment and furniture are safe for children, kept clean, clear of clutter and in good repair
Flammable or poisonous substances are stored out of the reach of children
House and grounds are free of rodents, insects, and trash
Exits in living areas are not blocked by furniture or other items
Bedroom is adequate for rest and privacy
Each child has own clean, comfortable bed, with mattress cover or protector, sheets, and blankets appropriate for weather
Children have adequate personal clothing, suitable to each child’s age and size, and comparable to clothing of other children in the community; children have adequate protective clothing against natural elements
Children have accessible storage space
Children have a quiet, well-lighted space for study and a regular time for homework/study
Home has one toilet, sink and shower/tub for every eight household members
Sinks and showers/tubs have hot and cold running water
Food is covered and stored off the floor
Food is stored on clean surfaces
Food is protected from contamination
Food is stored in a container that is protected from insects and rodents
Food is refrigerated immediately after use and after meals, if the food requires refrigeration
Food is covered when stored in the refrigerator
Caregivers keep furniture, equipment, food contact surfaces, and other areas where food is prepared, eaten, or stored clean and well repaired
You'll notice the primary concern is bedrooms and kitchen. If you can keep the bedrooms and kitchen below 1st degree squalor you should be ok. -
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Post by CourageouslyLion SeeksSerenity on Mar 27, 2009 2:00:00 GMT -5
- Regarding your rights as a parent when dealing with CPS: Here are some websites that might help you learn your rights: fightcps.comand www.deltabravo.net/custody/cpswarrant.phpRemember to document, document, document! Take photos. Use a tape recorder. I'm sure other members will have more advice. -
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Post by Platypus on Mar 27, 2009 3:27:08 GMT -5
I am coming in here with the greatest of respect for you and complete understanding of the trauma this is causing you right now. Many :-Xs. I am so very glad you are back, we willhelp you as much as possible. My living situation went downhill due to depression and people here helped me very much. It is so hard to do anything, it is all a big mountain and then you just don't see it anymore. unless some-one wants to come inside, then everything has to be show-home perfect or you feel like a failure. What a merry-go-round! I now would like to put to you another possible side to your situation. A concerned person is worried about the children. They may not know you very well, how much you love and care for your kids and how hard you are trying. it looks like they called cps. I know how difficult it is to deal with depression and how it can take a crisis to energize us to action. If I see a animal in a yard that I think is in a less than good situation, I will call the RSPCa and I have done so. I know the person will get a visit, will get information and help and follow-up will happen. They probably will be embarrassed and angry. But what happens if I don't and the dog/cat/horse is left in that situation? Who is to blame? Me, because I didn't have the courage to make the call. Kids who live in cleanies' homes are neglected etc too and often nothing is done. It is not fair because others know what is happening but don't make that call, either. Could this be a helpful, if distressing, thing for you? Will your family get the message that you need their help, that you can't do it alone? Could the 'fear of the CPS' be the thing to break the cycle, as long as you don't buy into guilt and self-blame? We will always be here for you. sibs who have dealt with cps will have suggestions and advice. I say all these things with all the loving respect and understanding I can send across the oceans. Recently here there was a distressing case of unreported family problems (it seems not reported by by teachers, doctors, etc) and neglect by child services, that resulted in the death of a 10 ear-old boy (living in level 4-5) from an easily treated ear infection that turned septic. While I am certain you are eons away from such a situation, these cases are why people make those calls and cps must intervene. I don't know how your cps works though. Ours is highly unlikely to tell some-one to clean up by such and such; you would be lucky to get them to visit (overworked, under-staffed etc). I am sending prayers and positive vibes your way and hope all goes well. Please keep posting, you are very welcome here. Well done on getting the medicine. I am so glad it is helping. on getting so much done in such a short time.
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Post by Sapphire on Mar 27, 2009 7:44:23 GMT -5
I really feel for you! Well done for getting so much done already. I'm sending you strong vibes to help you along. I hope everything turns out well. By rights, they will see that you love your children, and have been ill but now getting yourself sorted, and will ut you some slack. Obviously they will expect you to tidy up, but I really hope they give you time and support with which to do that, and see that the children are better off with you, and work with you rather than against you!! My oldest child has Down's too, and I know how distressed she would be if someone suggested taking her away. The way that woman dealt with the situation was reprehensible! I recently had a baby, and my health visitor has been very understanding of my squalour (also caused by depression) and supportive. I wish you could get the same support from your authorities. Please keep us informed. Remember we're all here for you!
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Post by skatters on Mar 27, 2009 8:14:30 GMT -5
Oh gui! How very awful! You are living one of my nightmares. I don't have advice for you more than what has already been said. But I feel for you. I wish I could be there to help you clean up, I would do that in a heartbeat. Please keep us updated.
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Post by CourageouslyLion SeeksSerenity on Mar 27, 2009 9:23:38 GMT -5
- Hi guihong! In my haste ... I posted my first post on what they might expect. and ... I posted my second post on how to stand up to them. But ... I neglected to say anything personal. Sending you caring hugs! and a cheerleader to cheer you on ! -
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Post by dayeanu on Mar 27, 2009 11:56:07 GMT -5
My heart goes out to you, and if you are anywhere nearby, I will lend a helping hand.
I am cheering you on.
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Post by drivermom on Mar 27, 2009 12:05:57 GMT -5
guihong,
I have been where you are, yes with CPS too. They didn't take my kids. They didn't really threaten it though either. They did work with me to get my house cleaned up and so did my church. I did know though that if i didn't get things cleaned up, they would take my kids.
I agree with alot of what people have posted. I just want to add a couple of things. Make sure hallways are clear and open, nothing in the way to walk through, nothing sitting on steps either, make sure they are clear. I think it was Meme, papa'swife who posted a list of things once not real long ago about things apt. managers look for or maybe it was fire inspectors. That was a great list and things I heard when I was trying to get my house cleaned up. Make sure areas are clear so that fire or papramedics could get through if they had too, that is how CPS will look at your house also.
Good Luck and my thoughts and prayers are with you. Seek help for your depression, I have depression too. If you are on meds, take them or go see your Dr and get them adjusted if you need too. Talk to a therapist too, that helps along with the medication.
Go into chat if you can and do challenges. WE ARE HERE FOR YOU!!!
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Post by timetochange on Mar 27, 2009 16:28:56 GMT -5
big hugs
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Post by slothzilla on Mar 27, 2009 17:21:55 GMT -5
I can tell that you really love your kids, and I think that social worker was very rude and insensitive....sounds to me as though they may be on a power trip (I can't believe that they said that in front of your kids).
May you continue to feel better, and I hope that you feel very energized and focused this weekend. You and your family will be in my thoughts and prayers, best of luck to you.
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Post by Platypus on Mar 27, 2009 18:05:19 GMT -5
Later on, you might want to report that social worker, as she is saying things like that in front of children, maybe she should not be doing that job! I suggest you make a diary note of it. What a cactus!
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kippy
New Member
Joined: February 2009
Posts: 33
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Post by kippy on Mar 27, 2009 18:11:25 GMT -5
Even though I don't know you at all, I understand what you are going through. I lived in constant fear that my ex would try to take my kids away because of the messy house. I made sure though that the litter boxes were cleaned, toilet paper was available all the time, toilets were washed at least once every month, bed linens were cleaned at least four times every year so things were not completely disgusting. But the decluttering was a huge roadblock for me. I still don't understand how I was willing to live with a bunch of junk and put my kids at risk for it. Anway, it has gotten better here and you can get things more in order as long as you keep at it. Try to go through the motions of sorting, organizing, and throwing out even if your depression tells you to forget about it. If you have an alarm or timer set it for ten minutes at a time and keep at it. It can work. I keep you and all the others who struggle with this problem in my thoughts and prayers. Love Kipppy.
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Post by zinnia on Mar 27, 2009 18:18:45 GMT -5
The vague "clean it up" is not very helpful-- and saying they will "take your kids away" *in front of the children* is mean. Best wishes to you during your big cleaning weekend! You can do it! Hugs to the whole family.
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