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Post by clutterpunk on May 10, 2009 22:23:29 GMT -5
Again, I am just overwhelmed by all the positive comments from you guys. I've posted a couple times here in the last few months, and been kind of on and off lurked on this and the old boards. I even posted once on there, years ago, under a different name.
But it always seemed pointless to post here when I knew I couldn't even begin to start work on this hellhole.
I'm frustrated. My father is here 'working', but he's terrible. He'll poke around, sack up one or two sacks in an hour. I can sack up so many in that time that they pile up around me until I'm boxed in.
Today I mainly just asked him to move some sacks from a pile in the LR and into the cleared out space of the kitchen, so we have them all ready to hand out the window there. He first farts around for about 20 minutes after I initially told him what I needed done, and then he's out there MAYBE ten minutes. Probably less. He got what amounted to maybe 8-10 sacks, mostly fairly small even, and he only had to go about 15 feet to the kitchen. Granted, it's like hiking through uneven wilderness to get there, but still.
He goes out to have a smoke, and proceeds to be out there somewhere close to 15-20 minutes. After about ten, I lose patience, and start hauling them myself. I even get to half the pile in the hallway, which is even farther away. I'm about ready to die of exhaustion by the time he finally ambles back in, and then he takes about 15 minutes to finish the last 10 sacks or so.
This is part of his passive aggressive bs. He knows if he does a craptacular enough job, my bossiness and OCD will kick in and I'll do it for him. But this is SO not fair. All I ask him to do is move sacks, and yeah, some are heavy, but the man has nearly a foot on me, and does this kind of thing for a living! (He's a donation attendant for a thrift store. So he works in a trailer, stacking sacks and boxes of donations all day. He IS good at this, he can really maximize the space in a truck or dumpster, WHEN he feels like it.)
Mom just feels awful. She can't do much of anything to help, really, before her whole arm cramps up on her. So it's just me doing the hardest part. I've got Fibromyalgia, so my body tires really quickly, and I STILL don't take breaks unless I absolutely have to. And even then, I only take long enough to cool down, get my breath back, drink something or have another cup of coffee or a snack. And then it's back to work, no matter how much I ache or how tired I am. Sadly, I'm not doing nearly as much as I need to be, because I just can't. It's ridiculously frustrating.
We're throwing away all of our furniture, save for a couple antiques we're trying to save. So I am left trying to find a way to aqquire a bed, couch, etc. Mom will likely be couch surfing for a while since we're mainly applying for 1 bedrooms because we can't afford more at the moment. Until she gets on SSI and I get my Care Provider license and can maybe take on some clients if I can't be HER cp, we're relying solely on the income my father gives us, which is like $500 a month, if that. He barely makes $400 a paycheck right now, because of a garnishment. At least we have some saved cash from the income tax check, which we're using to both clean up here and get a new place.
I'm hoping to find most of the stuff we'll need to furnish the new place from the freebies section of CL, but the problem there is having access to a truck or van to haul it in. So if any of you guys are in the portland/metro area and have a truck or van and would be willing to help me out when the times comes, definitely let me know.
I still have to do the sacks-out-the-window thing in probably about an hour, maybe less. We're waiting for full dark, so the nosy neighbors can't see what we're doing as well.
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Post by houseworkhater on May 10, 2009 23:14:46 GMT -5
First off, you are a very talented writer. I really enjoyed your writing style and think you have a real gift.
I am so sorry for what you are going through and don't have much advice, but will be here rooting for you and checking in to see how you are doing.
Also, check out Freecycle and post what you are looking for; I bet there is a huge group there.
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Post by tinasabrina on May 10, 2009 23:24:56 GMT -5
Hi Clutterpunk, it is nice to meet you. I have felt that same shame before, and yes, it has reoccurred with me as well. I am here to offer my support. I have extreme empathy. Please do keep updating. I enjoy your writing very much.
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Post by howardsgirlfriend on May 10, 2009 23:32:00 GMT -5
We're practically neighbors! I'll be glad to come help. Don't worry about the fith, lack of facilities ,etc. I don't have a truck/van, but I'm willing to rent one for you.
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Post by clutterpunk on May 11, 2009 0:07:59 GMT -5
Bah, having to hold off for another few hours on the sack-moving. The lovely neighbors across the street have aparently decided watching us put sacks in the dumpster is better than the finale of the Apprentice and are sitting out on the porch watching us. It's not bad enough I have to worry about the landlord flipping out or giving us a horrible reference, but now the freaking neighbors are making me feel like even more of a freakshow. So I'm gonna just try and quietly do it around midnight or so when everyone's asleep. *sighs* Houseworkhater - Thanks! I love to write, and write stories and such quiet often. Honestly, I've been considering a book about this, for years now. Hopefully one with a happy ending. I've also been contemplating trying to contact one of our local publications here, Willamette Week or the Mercury, and seeing if they'd do a story about it all. If I get out of this alive, that is. Some moments I really think this house will be the end of me. I can see it now, 'Woman crushed to death by own filth'. Thanks to all of you guys, and HowardsGirlfriend, you have a pm waiting.
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Post by wind on May 11, 2009 1:08:32 GMT -5
You really, really are a good writer. Good luck!
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kalla
New Member
textbook ISTJ
Joined: December 2008
Posts: 67
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Post by kalla on May 11, 2009 6:06:57 GMT -5
Hi clutterpunk I can identify with a lot of what you're saying. My sisters and I grew up in our own "landfill" -- waist high clothes, trash, bugs, etc. For everything you're doing and everything you've already done, you definitely rock! As for your neighbors ... s$%^w them. We recently swallowed a ton of dignity and got rid of mom's old mattress. It was stained, shredded, moldy, and she was MORTIFIED to drag it to the street for the trash truck. But she did it, and it's gone, and she doesn't think of it anymore. Sending tons of strength, stamina, and patience!! Rawr!
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Post by breakingfree on May 11, 2009 9:01:21 GMT -5
First off, you are a very talented writer. I really enjoyed your writing style and think you have a real gift. I am so sorry for what you are going through and don't have much advice, but will be here rooting for you and checking in to see how you are doing. Also, check out Freecycle and post what you are looking for; I bet there is a huge group there. You are such a talented writer--perhaps your gift to the world would be to write about your situation, which would help so many! You are in my thoughts and prayers. I admire your strength and tenacity. BF
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Post by AnnieOkie on May 11, 2009 9:58:33 GMT -5
CP-I'm glad to read that you are digging out. That's awesome! You said: "...because there are moments when this tunnel seems much too long and dark to ever see the end of... ". Try not to see all the way to the end. That's too overwhelming. Just try to see that ray of light creeping in from that side of things and reach daily for that goal. You will get there.
On your neighbors....you may never see these folks again. Don't worry about what they are seeing or may be thinking. It sounds like you are doing this to save you and your Mother's lives. Also, could it be that they are innocently sitting on their porch enjoying the lovely spring weather? I know squalor can make us sensitive and defensive and assume the worst when there is no harm intended. Don't let this hinder your efforts.
Good luck and keep us informed on how things are shaping up!
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Post by threeg on May 11, 2009 11:12:12 GMT -5
Cheering you on CP! You are doing a fantastic job even with fibro. 3g
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Post by creativechaos on May 11, 2009 11:34:34 GMT -5
clutterpunk, your story is so moving and you write about it brilliantly and with humor even. how hard it must have been and what a testament to your strength, compassion, intelligence, and spunk that you have survived all this with a good attitude and a lot of wisdom.
since the landlord is bulldozing the house anyway, have you thought of just doing a scoop-out of the 'big chunks' into the dumpster and forget about any major cleaning? most peeps don't clean up something that is already condemned. i think that would be a solution because as you have said, you have little time unless your landlord will relent and give you another month. maybe when he is calm, you could discuss this with him. does he know or does anyone in the neighborhood know what all you are dealing with?
if not, you have us now, and this is a great bunch of people who will cheer you every step of your way. there may even be some of us in your area. you are doing so great; what an amazing young woman you are! just wish you had some help! you need some bodies and the heck with the neighbors. (maybe some of them would help, if they knew of your situation.)
will be thinking of you and sending good vibes your way luv, cc
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Post by clutterpunk on May 11, 2009 11:54:45 GMT -5
Also, could it be that they are innocently sitting on their porch enjoying the lovely spring weather? I know squalor can make us sensitive and defensive and assume the worst when there is no harm intended. No, trust me, these people are scummy. This is a trailer park, and used to be nicer on this side of it, all families or elderly folk, and then they started moving and new people would move in. The ones in question, have loud parties, have the cops over a couple times a year usually because they man and woman are screaming at eachother while their kid wails in the house. And they're constantly arguing in the street all day long, driving dirt bikes through their yard, blasting loud music, and the amount of 'traffic' over there is the kind you only see with meth dealers. And then there's the people right down the street, who are also your text book meth heads. I've caught one of them lurking between my house and the one next door in the middle of the night, and found a piece of PIZZA on the ground outside my window, after hearing a crash out there the night before. I'd been having to climb in my bedroom window because our door doesn't work right and if it locks, you can't unlock it from the outside. I usually remember to move the stacked stuff from under my window, but this time I'd forgotten, and I suspect that, as we'd seen the guy poking around peeking in windows of the (then) empty house next door, he tried poking around in MY window and slipped and dropped his pizza. We'd confronted him earlier that night when we saw him doing the peeking, and he'd gotten hostile about it, so it wouldn't surprise me. Anyway, there's some 'scummy' neighbors, and then right next door on the right side, and therefore RIGHT by the kitchen window and right across the street from the gawkers, are this lovely couple with four kids who I just adore. We've been on good social terms for years, and they know little bits and pieces of things, like they knew when we didn't have water, but they don't know about the squalor. I called them the other day to warn them that I was gonna have a big eyesore of a dumpster in the yard, and C asked me why I was bothering to clean the place up if it's gonna be bulldozed. Part of this, of course not the part I told HIM, is that if I DON'T clean it up, I can't find/save a lot of the stuff in the living room. I realize a lot of it will be a loss anyway, but there's some stuff I can't replace, and I want to at least TRY and dig it out and salvage it. Plus I think the landlord, despite all he's said, would flip his lid if he saw it like this. We got sued at the last house we lived at, although we were merely renters there, for leaving it really not that bad at all. This one, he'd probably call the darn news crew about. Not to mention we're scared to death of what he'll say when potential landlords call him, or even try to get ahold of whoever we rent with finally and tell them. We never did get the sacks out lastnight. Dad pretty much pooped out on me and I was feeling so tense I had to take something for my anxiety and it made me too tired to do much, anyway. I guess the sacks sitting there for another day isn't going to hurt them. Hopefully we can do something with them tonight.
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Post by creativechaos on May 11, 2009 12:05:57 GMT -5
clutterpunk,
all of this sucks but i have to agree with others when they say your writing is brilliant. when you get over this, write a book. your gift at writing is too good to waste.
keep asking; when the time comes, i am sure people with trucks will help you get new freebies from cl.
i'm so sorry you have fibro on top of everything else. is there no one you can ask for some help? think hard on this. someone who really likes or loves you or your mom? they would try to help i think. if i could figure out how to pay the bills up here for a bit and my expenses to get down there, i'd come down to help you for several days! but you need MEN to lift things, and you should NOT have to do it alone!
you need to be able to work on this in the daylight too. as for not being able to work in the daylight: ask those skanky neighbor gawkers to come on down and give you a hand tell em they can pick through any trash that they haul out to the dumpster! watch them all scurry inside their houses like cockroaches!
hang in there sister
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Post by clutterpunk on May 11, 2009 12:45:11 GMT -5
Haha, that's what my mom suggested as well!
We do have a friend, the one who got our plumbing fixed, and we'll probably call him in for help one of these days. Problem being, he's a full time stay-at-home daddy to two adorable little kids, so he wouldn't be able to help much during the week. And he's the type to insist on barging in and getting in the middle of the chaos, too, and that, again, makes me all sorts of ill.
I just hate everyone knowing about the way we live. It's horrible.
Mom and I are pretty isolated, honestly. Dad made good and sure of that. I have two friends in this state, and that's about it (a couple people I just never talk to anymore and therefore couldn't call in a favor with, I guess, as well) and of those two, ones a judgemental neat freak who would NEVER help me out, and the other is the one I mentioned earlier, who I finally broke down and told about my squalor. She's offered to help, but she doesn't drive and it would be hard to get her out here. Beyond that, there's my aunt and cousin, who came out last week to help with some outside garbage, but really didn't do much good. My aunt and dad together are the amazing distracto twins and my cousin was generally too afraid of dirt, spiders and gross things to touch anything. Realistically, they are more trouble than any help they could give is worth. I end up having to boss everyone around to make sure things are getting done, and then listen while I'm openly mocked by dad for being so demanding.
Excuse me for trying for some semblance of organization, I guess.
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Post by puppybox on May 11, 2009 13:18:38 GMT -5
wow. You're a great writer! This is like the opening chapter of the novel I've always wanted to write about squalor but don't/can't.
Love from puppy
I had not realised there was a page 2 when I wrote that. if not a novel it would make a good screenplay.
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