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Post by petrossian on Jul 21, 2009 15:59:53 GMT -5
I got a phone call yesterday from my lawyer's office to be in
court at 10 o'clock. I raced to get dressed and get down there.
The judge had visited my apartment about two weeks ago.
Afterwards my lawyer said she thought it was hot. I hadn't
noticed. If he had come just before the visit we could have
corrected that. According to him she didn't say anything else.
When we were in court yesterday she said referred to her
notes and said there was a smell in my apt. This was the
first time I had heard it. She then asked me to step out
of the courtroom so she could speak to the attorneys.
All I heard from outside was 'obviously this woman has
problems'. Luckily I didn't hear any more. Then my lawyer
came out and said she had everything to evict me. She's
going to visit my apartment one more time and suggested
that I get rid of some of my stuff.
I was numb the rest of the day. Today it's hit me and
I'm depressed and having crying jags. I don't think my
lawyer defended me at all. I paid $4,000 most from my
IRA and I'm totally disgusted. What makes it worse is that
if the co-op came to me I would have been more than
willing to work with them. This could all have been
settled out of court. The lawyer for the other side was
totally prepared with notes and witnesses. My attorney
merely answered the questions.
I got a feeling this is going to hit me more in the next
few days. Any advice or words or encouragement is
appreciated.
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Post by grungygeorgie on Jul 21, 2009 16:31:09 GMT -5
oh I am so sorry,this must really feel like a kick in the gut.As I was
advised,"just try to stay in the now" and breathe.I know you are
hurting,everyone here is on your side.I hate lawyers,total bottom feeders!Please take care.gg
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Post by autumn on Jul 21, 2009 16:35:21 GMT -5
I am so sorry you got treated like that. I would see if you could appeal on the grounds of an attorney that did not act in your best interest! If you are not in the mood for that I completely understand. Just know we are ALL rooting for you and are on your side as GG says!
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Post by moggyfan on Jul 21, 2009 16:50:18 GMT -5
I think maybe the time has come for a little tough love, emphasis on the love.
Something seems to be going on with your apartment; whether it is hoarding or some other problem, something is causing an unpleasant odor, at least intermittently, that is prompting others to complain.
I know you feel the co-op board, the complaining neighbor(s), the lawyer have failed you in some way. There is little you can do about that right now.
Your priority needs to be dealing with whatever problem(s) exists in the apartment. Nothing is as important as keeping a roof over your head.
The time has come to be ruthless. I think you need to take the judge's advice ("Get rid of some stuff"). Do you have friends who can help you with this? It is very hard to do alone.
Take a day or so to calm yourself and make a plan. Then get moving--everyone here will cheer you on. You can get through this.
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Post by yearning4order on Jul 21, 2009 17:43:42 GMT -5
I don't know enough about the situation from a distance I'm sure, but I think Moggy brings up a good point, and we offer these suggestions with love love love. Most of the time when we get these kinds of ultimatums, there are usually pieces of truth that can allow us a chance for healing.
We aren't our mess, we aren't our struggle with our mess. But I know that when Animal Control came to see me because of a smell coming from my chicken coop, it wasn't something imaginary that got me reported.
I think where authorities are concerned it's best to appear eager to right a wrong, and work with both the legal authorities and your lawyer to give as strong an impression as possible that we are interested in being accountable community members.
In my case, I genuinely have a diminished sense of smell, and I knew with Animal Control that they could certainly have removed my chickens and fine the heck out of me if they had the slightest inkling that I was not going to move as quickly as I could to correct the situation. When it became apparent that I was moving as quickly as I could, in spite of several obstacles (no longer own a truck, had to pay someone to haul straw to me, had to pay extra to have the most offending coop debris removed), suddenly the Animal Control officer was on my side, giving me more than enough time to take care of my chicken coop.
That said, an apartment is much bigger than a chicken coop, and the messes people like me build take time to untangle. I don't know if you have depression, health issues, or other matters going on that are affecting you, as well as the squalor in your home--trust me, so many of us have been there, some of us are still there, we know all too well the challenge of living in squalor, and quite a few of us struggle with depression, as well as physical injuries or illness.
The first advice I would give is to know that you aren't the mess. The second advice I would give is to talk to your lawyer about trying to take corrective action and then get started. If you get evicted or if you get to stay, either way you will have to deal with whatever is causing the smell. So if you can attend to that right away and make a demonstration of your willingness to take some action, you might find that people are willing to work with you more effectively.
I certainly don't know your lawyer--but it might be that if you take some actions to start with dealing with the smell and whatever the other complaints have been, that your lawyer will be in a better position to defend you.
I wish you the best of luck--and of course, never hesitate to enlist the help of loving friends, as well as professional organizers, therapists who are experienced with helping folks resolve issues are clutter, squalor, hoarding, etc.
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Post by yearning4order on Jul 21, 2009 18:02:37 GMT -5
Hi Petrossian, ok so I did read one prior post and I do see you are struggling with depression. I am too, although I'm currently in an "up phase" (crosses fingers, hoping this isn't temporary).
I found SooS when I was in a "down" phase, and the listzilla and chat provided me with some initial help to begin getting some things purged, cleaned, etc. Not a ton of movement, but enough. I then quit gaming addictively and that opened up a ton of movement in my life, improved my energy, etc. I consider myself lucky to experience a change like that, and I certainly won't pretend to have a solution for everyone struggling with depression, because I know we are all coming from unique backgrounds and living current time with unique circumstances.
One thing I am sure of--you aren't alone. Many of us relate, and some people may very, very closely relate and have good suggestions.
If you can find a way to try to participate in chat and maybe listzilla to start with, it will give you a starting point. What I found was that as I took actions, I felt less depressed. This is still very touch and go, and most recently when I began cleaning my bedroom I was simply overwhelmed with feelings I did not want to be feeling.
But when I continue to try to take little actions, even tiny ones, I know it has an effect on me that is good. So if your listzilla is as small as "washed my face, took a vitamin, threw one item in the trash" then that is your start and it is good.
I love chat--I love being able to ask people questions about what to do when I'm stumped, and for the evening when I was dealing with my ex-husband's junk in my office, there were two members in chat who were chatting it up about all kinds of stuff and it kept my mind off the feelings about cleaning.
I don't know if any of this is useful, if you don't relate to it at all, please feel free to disregard it. Just know that we are trying to encourage you!
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Post by molly on Jul 21, 2009 22:53:56 GMT -5
(((hugs)))
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Post by puppybox on Jul 22, 2009 9:10:41 GMT -5
oh, those people are really not nice at all.
I hope "what goes around comes around" and they experience social persecution one day.
For now, I suggest you try to move on as soon as possible. I once moved far away to take a job and it turned out all my coworkers did not like me. They also said i did my job badly so I had no friends, no friendly aquaintances/co-workers, and no ability to even feel halfway competant at work. I didn't speak the language of the country. I was so depressed, lonely, isolated. I fell in to really really deep (literally knee deep) squalor. Contact with this board is the onyl thing that kept me from losing touch with reality, I felt I was actualyl going insane, and I'm pretty sure that I was not in my right mind, I was so emotionally distraught. Eventually I made friends with some new temp workers and was able to do my job to the mean boss's satisfaction (though never approval) and life was not so bad. But it really felt so so bad at the time. I would just go home and ache from my chest with emotional pain.
I decided to move to a place I had once lived and had friends (though those people were no longer there). I was really scared that everyone there would hate me, too. But they didn't. I concluded that if you don't fit in, rather than struggle to do so simply find a place where you are valued for your good points and your bad ones are forgiven. Its just so much easier. There are such places. you need to find your people. these mean ones are not them.
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Post by serenitynow on Jul 22, 2009 10:22:05 GMT -5
That's why I keep coming back here despite some,ummm, setbacks.. There's so much collective wisdom on this board.
petrossian, you're in my thoughts and prayers.
serenitynow (I wish)
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Post by paperpiler on Jul 22, 2009 10:22:41 GMT -5
You have a judge who has not given up on you yet if she is willing to make another visit. You also have an attorney who's not being proactive. First step...talk to your attorney and explain that you do not see him representing you. You are paying him to be proactive in your defense, not responsive. Tell him that you have concerns, that you are struggling but you are willing to do what it takes IF you can figure out very specifically what they want. Right now there's this vague "smell," "clutter." Ask your attorney to very specifically tell you (from talking to opposing counsel) what will stop this from going any further. You have to act upon THAT.
Then...I agree with some of the others. If the judge has smelled a smell, there's a smell that the judge wants rid of. And the only way to rectify that is find the smell. If the smell is in the walls...dead mice or something...then at least your counsel can say, "My client has located that smell, your Honor, and it is in x, and we respectfully request a continuance to do x." In the meantime, the clutter has to be worked on. ITA with Moggy. Nothing is as important as a roof over your head.
I can't find that "where does everyone live" thread. Did you post there? Maybe someone can help you. The bottom line: Do not be deterred. Your judge has not issued an Order. Your judge is giving you time. You need to focus on a plan of attack before you enter that courtroom again.
I wish you the absolute BEST. I really do know how overwhelming it is and how hard it is, but stay focused to accomplish what you need.
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Post by sunshineshouse on Jul 22, 2009 11:12:45 GMT -5
If you have the money, do hire a professional organizer if you think that can help you deal with quickly getting your place in shape. They may also be able to help you determine the source of the odor. If you need to empty out your co-op for it to appear less clutter-y, rental of a small storage space might help.
If you are located near me, I certainly offer my help. I also second those who said you need to speak up to your lawyer. He took an oath to represent zealously.
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Post by petrossian on Jul 22, 2009 13:04:05 GMT -5
I want to thank everyone for their notes. I spent yesterday
with crying jags and I can't tell you how much better it made
me feel to read your answers and know that there are
people supporting and helping me.
I wrote a long e-mail to my lawyer telling him how
dissatisfied I was, which I think is a start. I haven't heard
back from him.
I live in New York so I think I'm going to look into some
of the hoarding help groups and see if there is someone
who can come over and look at my place to critique it.
Again, I can't put into words how much everyone's
comments have encouraged me.
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Post by messymimi on Jul 22, 2009 16:02:39 GMT -5
Petrossian, I am sure you can deal with this.
Keep us posted.
messymimi
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Post by yearning4order on Jul 22, 2009 19:54:33 GMT -5
Petr, check out hoardhouse.comI don't know if you are in NYC or not. Lots of resources in NY. |
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hopehope
Banned
Joined: May 2008
Posts: 3,815 
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Post by hopehope on Jul 23, 2009 23:07:10 GMT -5
there is a mechanism through the bar association to complain about incompetent council -- the name of it will come to me -- or you can call them -- they're under American Association of the Bar -- I think -- west 44?
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