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Post by gifted on Feb 12, 2010 1:28:53 GMT -5
Ex-BF called me. (We have been kind of getting back together, but I am really cautious about dealings with him.)
He wanted me to hire him to fix some things around my house for $20 per hour. I told him that I would think about it, and am planning a very busy weekend and would talk to him after the weekend. He started saying the point was that he would do everything, and I did not NEED to think about it, because I was hiring him to do these things.
But I have learned in the past that I am easily flustered when he gets bossy about things. And he can easily get under my skin then.
And I know that I have often hired friends, or just people from the neighborhood and it really doesn't seem to benefit me. Like hiring a girlfreind to clean, and when she left, everything was half-finished, and so I worked the entire next day to finish things up, and exhausted myself. Or the job takes much longer than I thought, or never gets done.
I think if I hire him to do very specific, easily defined things, it might be to my benefit, but $20 per hour seems like a lot of money to me, and I only want to pay him for things that he is skilled at, and so it will take him less time.
(Hmmm... maybe I should pay MYSELF $20 per hour, and then I might actually get some clutter out of here!) Oh, but then I might spend it on more clutter!
At any rate, there is a big trade show this weekend, and I am planning on being there for pretty much the entire weekend, starting tomorrow (for fun, not work.)
Also, I think that maybe I should pay him by the job, and that way, if I don't have all of the parts, HE can make the trip to buy parts, etc. And I don't get stuck paying an outrageous amount for a job that I had not been prepared to get done.
I should also probably tell him that any contractor that tried to pressure me into making an instant decision would never be hired by me, except in very special circumstances.
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Post by Arid on Feb 12, 2010 1:44:04 GMT -5
My "knee-jerk" reaction is that "hiring" your ex-BF is a REALLY bad idea!!! He's your "ex" for a reason, right? If he's so interested in getting back together with you, why isn't he offering to help you for free?
Paying him $20/hr. sounds like a fortune to me, unless he is a highly skilled professional in home improvements.
I will be interested in reading what other folks think of his--ahem, "generous" offer!
Arid
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Post by Butterfly on Feb 12, 2010 2:15:48 GMT -5
I agree with Arid! But, if you do decide to hire him then I think agreeing on a set "per job" price is a lot safer than an hourly wage.
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Post by DJ on Feb 12, 2010 3:42:02 GMT -5
it sounds hinky to me. i'd pass. offering to let you pay him a high price to do things that significant others tend to pitch in and simply do for each other out of compassion sounds like a bad deal. and that he's been known to bully you in the pst..? i wouldn't pay for that type of service anyway. dunno. just sounds off to me.
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Post by Rory on Feb 12, 2010 4:05:42 GMT -5
Find someone else. He sounds like a control freak. You need someone to respect you, to do what you want, when you want it done and in the way you want.
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Post by kiddledo on Feb 12, 2010 10:11:46 GMT -5
When he says you don't even need to "think about it" because he would "just do it"..sounds like he "knows what is the best" for you and you need him to "take care of things". And charge $20 an hour to boot. Are you ready to accept that? Do it your way! If you relinquish any control, you have given up all control. Would he even allow you to have any say in a job if you paid him "per job"? Has he ever? Go have fun at the fair. Think over his proposition. Remember we're pulling for ya
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Post by gini on Feb 12, 2010 10:44:11 GMT -5
simplegifts
My relationship alarm bells are ringing. NO, NO and NO THANKS.
gini
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Post by clutterfree on Feb 12, 2010 10:58:52 GMT -5
NO! ... ... omgNO *flails* ... I mean, I would politely decline. (Even if he weren't your ex-boyfriend, I think getting into any kind of situation where money changes hands between friends and family is a bad, bad, bad idea that rarely ever ends good for both parties--usually the party the money flows FROM, but often both.)
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Post by sparkle on Feb 12, 2010 11:33:46 GMT -5
I'll have to add another NO for all the reasons others have stated. I see red flags all over the place.
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Post by CourageouslyLion SeeksSerenity on Feb 12, 2010 11:39:33 GMT -5
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Post by juniper2 on Feb 12, 2010 11:42:10 GMT -5
Please listen to your initial instinct simplegifts...the hesitation. That's your inexplicable no. I've found that the hesitation is myself telling me no, no matter how much I try to talk myself into reasons why I should do this or that or how beneficial it could be to do this or that. I've found that when I go against my hesitation, things never work for the benefit for me...much frustration, hassle, etc. is always the outcome and more work! Do yourself a favor, listen to your inner instinct and it won't guide you in the wrong direction ever! I have learned many lessons the hard way...this was one of 'em! Much success on whatever you decide!
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Post by gifted on Feb 12, 2010 13:20:54 GMT -5
Wound up staying up late, just spinning my wheels. On nothing in particular.
It really sounded good, until he started getting a bit pushy. I will need to tell him what Mama Gena said: He exists for MY pleasure (and how much more so if I were to pay him?) I am not about to get all flustered, as I used to do while I was dating him. At the time, I was earning my BA, and locking horns with him was not something I wanted, because it was too distracting from my studies. My degree is math, and you need a calm, clear mind to focus on math.
Anyway, now I will go have my fun at the show.
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Post by momof3boys on Feb 12, 2010 15:19:24 GMT -5
I think this is sort of rude of him to offer his help for $20.00 per hour. If you want to hire professional help, then do that but please do not use your ex-blyfriend. It would probobly cost less than he charges also. Remember this is just my opinion.
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Post by howardsgirlfriend on Feb 12, 2010 15:26:18 GMT -5
Sounds as though he's trying to meet HIS needs, NOT yours. You're not obligated to help him do that.
"Just say no!"
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Post by houseworkhater on Feb 12, 2010 20:44:01 GMT -5
This gives me the creeps, especially if you are "kind of" getting back together, I cannot imagine him asking you to pay him for ANYTHING. Weird.
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