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Post by success19 on Mar 1, 2010 22:07:30 GMT -5
12 grown children - husband deserts her due to hoarding - 5 bedroom house - house is full of stuff and trash.
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Post by success19 on Mar 1, 2010 22:08:11 GMT -5
She is living in a homeless shelter because her house is so full of stuff.
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Post by success19 on Mar 1, 2010 22:49:28 GMT -5
It inspired me to take out 3 bags of trash.
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Post by bluefrog on Mar 1, 2010 23:26:42 GMT -5
OK, her house was full of stuff, and she certainly had problems, but they weren't HOARDING problems, you know? When she wasn't deep into her anger over her relationships, she didn't seem to have problems getting rid of things, and she was happy to have the place cleared out.
I was glad to see A&E spend a whole hour on one person, but I wish that she had been more a classic case of hoarding than a woman with miserable family problems and too many possessions.
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Post by shopgirl on Mar 2, 2010 4:16:05 GMT -5
The therapist looked really alarmed when Claudie's husband suddenly reappeared. That guy will never leave Vegas. After all, he "loves hot weather" and "has books to read." Translation: "he loves gambling" and "has slots to feed."
Somehow I don't think throwing away every single item in the house was a solution. She wasn't even left with any furniture. Another abandoned house in the rustbelt. Claudie's at the end of her rope. I think the only place she finds peace is at the homeless shelter. Certainly not in that crumbling, empty house. The whole episode was disturbing and sad.
When I was a kid, those Peoria neighborhoods of old homes on big lots were beautiful and graceful. Of course, Peoria was prosperous then, the factories were humming along and everyone earned a decent wage. Ditto for Rockford, Decatur, Akron, Toledo, Canton, Beloit... and a hundred other towns in the midwest.
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messmallo
New Member
Joined: August 2008
Posts: 39
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Post by messmallo on Mar 2, 2010 9:55:44 GMT -5
Just watched this episode this morning. It was indeed very sad. But it is always an inspiration to me. I really think she will need much therapy to deal with all the underlying issues. As previously mentioned they really left her with nothing. No furniture really. The Dr. mentioned that as she was so willing to give everything up puts her at a higher risk of hoarding again. I pray she will get help and be able to move back to her home and family.
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Post by gini on Mar 2, 2010 10:53:06 GMT -5
The Dr. mentioned that as she was so willing to give everything up puts her at a higher risk of hoarding again. But why? Shouldn't it be a GOOD thing that she was ready to part with her stuff? I don't understand. I wish the Dr. had expanded on that statement. gini
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Post by Chris on Mar 2, 2010 11:15:34 GMT -5
Ugggh that episode disturbed me a lot.
And I too like bluefrog mentioned - I was also glad they did a whole hour on one person but wish it had been one of the persons with a more classic case of hoarding.
I kept thinking that the biggest crisis for Claudie was not the *stuff* or hoarding -- it was the whole financial abandonment. She needs a good lawyer. As long as the husband gets away with leaving her penniless then he gets to live high on his retirements and retain the home as an asset. She/they raised 12 kids - 2 + 10 (theirs) -- so she is I thought I heard them say 58 (was that correct? I MUST have heard wrong) -- and living in a homeless shelter -- I'd say more because he left her and he took his money with him. I was furious. It looked to me like she lived there as long as she could - - angry and ill equipped to maintain things alone (14 months?). I realize one of the daughters offered her a home but really --- someone just needs to take her to an attorney ASAP.
Ok - admittedly the whole idea of it scared me worst and hit my buttons because I've been the one with very little work and I do depend on my husband -- and if he left me -- taking his checks with him I would not be equipped to maintain this house or stay here without a full time -- maybe 2 jobs. But really -- if the after care funds fix the house up -- it's just lining the mans pockets more and if he dies it depends on the state but the children could inherit 1/2....I really am not at all sure what their state laws are but someone needs to help Claudie learn her legal rights. I'm going to write to the show. I got very fired up over it. Yes it was a mess -- and run down but hoarding was not her issue. The abandonment was the issue.
Wow -- none of the episodes got to me like this. The others ones always inspired me to work really hard to keep my issues from escalating on the scale up the scale to such dangerous hoarding conditions but this was different. I am surprised they took this on for the show. It didn't fit in my opinion. I thought the man just came back to make sure they didn't throw out his piano thing.
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Post by success19 on Mar 2, 2010 11:16:27 GMT -5
I figure the husband had a girlfriend in Vegas. I think Claudie likes having a house full of kids - they grew up and then she continued collecting stuff to replace the kids. Once the house was empty if some of the kids or grandkids moved back - Claudie would have had something to do with her time I think.
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Post by success19 on Mar 2, 2010 17:01:02 GMT -5
This is another example of a woman who did for her man and family and then got older and feels she has on purpose or life - stuff was replacing her family - her husband was a jerk - just say I want a divorce and be done with it. I can't imagine raising 12! children.
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Post by paperpiler on Mar 2, 2010 23:22:58 GMT -5
[just say I want a divorce and be done with it. ]
I haven't watched the episode yet, but I had to comment on this. Oh if it were that simple. It takes a lot of pain that needs to overcome fear to get to that decision. It's why some people never make the decision, and stay married.
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Post by kadymae on Mar 2, 2010 23:26:53 GMT -5
My take on it as we watch it right now:
1) Claudie's got some mental health issues that need to be looked at. Her paranoia, her abandonment issues, her attempts to fill the holes in her heart with stuff, her denial of what hoarding has done to the family.
2) Jim's done with the marriage. I think a part of him will always love Claudie, or at least love the Claudie of years ago, but he's thrown in the towel on the relationship. I can see his reluctance given how he's used to disappointment regarding the hoarding.
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Post by howardsgirlfriend on Mar 3, 2010 4:01:43 GMT -5
Hoarding can be caused by any one of these factors, or a combination: excessive acquiring, disorganization, and difficulty discarding. If any of these is out of control, the hoarding will eventually return.
Perhaps that's why she's at higher risk: if discarding things were as easy as it appears during the cleanout, she would have done it a long time ago.
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Post by Butterfly on Mar 3, 2010 22:09:38 GMT -5
I've been thinking about this episode for a couple of days now and I am in near complete agreement with kadymae's assessment. My take on it as we watch it right now: 1) Claudie's got some mental health issues that need to be looked at. Her paranoia, her abandonment issues, her attempts to fill the holes in her heart with stuff, her denial of what hoarding has done to the family. 2) Jim's done with the marriage. I think a part of him will always love Claudie, or at least love the Claudie of years ago, but he's thrown in the towel on the relationship. I can see his reluctance given how he's used to disappointment regarding the hoarding. I do think Jim has problems of his own and found it very difficult, especially in front of a camera crew, a television audience, a psychologist, et al., to be straight on his intentions and reasons for not staying in the home. And, his flimsy lies and excuses were certainly transparent. But, in a lot of ways, I can empathize with him. Think about it; he is apparently not the hoarder/squalorer but he was expected to live in that environment. I wouldn't do it. I don't like living in my own, thankfully shrinking, squalor and I certainly would feel angry, frustrated and helpless if I were forced to live in someone else's if that person was as deep in denial as Claudie seems to be and as unlikely to maintain a livable environment. Please don't misunderstand what I'm saying. I believe this is a mental illness and Claudie is not to blame. But, we have to recognize that the hoarder/squalorer is not the only person in the family who suffers. Anyone else living there, whether it's children, spouses, pets, etc. also suffers AND they usually don't have recourse in changing the situation. I, personally, wouldn't want to live with that either, especially since she's refused to seek treatment. And it did say at the end of the episode that she had not yet agreed to ongoing treatment. I think we have to face that this behavior/illness causes us to damage those living with us. And, IMHO, to believe otherwise is to live in denial and keep us further from recovery. So, yeah, I think Jim should have been honest and clear about his intentions but I don't blame him for not continuing to live in the home. Heck, even Claudie wasn't living there. We don't know what went on in the marriage before he left. If and how many times he tried to work with Claudie to clean. If and how often he expressed his frustration and pain at what their lives had deteriorated into. And we don't know if part of his reluctance to come straight out and say he wasn't going to remain is based in his own mixed feelings. Perhaps he feels that he'd like to stay if he really believed there was a good chance that Claudie would overcome, at least to a significant degree, her illness but, based on his prior experience and her behavior during the show, he just felt that wasn't likely. All I'm saying is that I don't think we should be quite so quick to heap blame on Jim because we can not know everything that's happened within that marriage. As far as why it wasn't a good thing that Claudie let things go so easily, I think the therapist was saying that Claudie wasn't doing the emotional/mental work necessary to deal with the problem. Instead, Claudie was just throwing in the towel on the current situation and, because she hadn't done the behavioral modification and worked through her issues, it's more likely that she will return to her former habits.
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Post by Chris on Mar 4, 2010 8:50:47 GMT -5
At least Jim did wait until right when the youngest of the 10 kids they had together turned 18 before he abandoned. [she is now 19 and if you do the math he left very close to when she was 18 which hints of financial/marital issues as well to me] I guess I am/was real hard on him. I usually am not that quick to blame the man - but seeing him laugh and refuse to make any commitment or compromise got to me - he's free as a bird and the story would not be the same if Claudie was the one with the money. Both Claudie and Jim created their situation. But I still for some reason don't believe that hoarding is the only issue that destroyed their family. I wish there would be follow up so that we would know if she was able to get out of the shelter and move on with her life. That's one thing that I think they could do to improve the shows -- a followup every now and then to show how the people are doing after some time has passed.
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