|
|
Post by The Eliminator on Feb 8, 2011 8:28:51 GMT -5
Do you remember how you first came to Stepping Out of Squalor?
I thought it might be interesting for us to share back-stories on how we came to SOS.
I found SOS 'accidentally'.
I didn't know I was in "squalor." ...I knew I was in chaos, but considered it to be temporary. I felt I wasn't really living in it -- but enduring it until I conquered the depths of depression which had thrown me into it from a previously always tidy, organized home.
But, 'temporary' stretched into years.
One day -- over two years ago, now -- I was reading posts on a forum I had joined, for fellow expats; some members were talking about strict budgets. One of them mentioned a lifestyle of not running the A/C; preparing frugal meals; not buying any frills, etc., and she light-heartedly referred to it as living in 'squalor' - but I know she had really meant to say 'poverty'...
Because of that insignificant goof, I decided to type "squalor" into Google, for no other reason than to simply verify to myself the definition of squalor. I wasn't searching for any help, nor thinking about my own chaos.
The SqualorSurvivor's site came up.... I was astounded.
Spent two days reading there, and I found the link to here....
...I was flabbergasted!
Wow, there were other people out there, talking about being afraid to answer the door, and pretending to not be home if somone came knocking... just like me! And these were (otherwise) normal people! Just like me!
I hadn't realized I was living in squalor...
I always thought squalor meant utter filth, stench, dilapidation, rotting things, bugs, rodents, mold, backed-up toilets, no electricity.... etc, etc, etc.... with most, or all of those things together.
I always thought, clutter, just meant lots of stuff....
I had clean, chaotic clutter, but surely not squalor...
...in finding SOS, I realized that because my 'clean chaotic clutter' was keeping me from functioning properly by taking away the proper use of my table, counters, pathways; not being able to open closets, cabinets or drawers because of all the stacks and piles in the way, blocking access; and not being able to open the front door for deliveries, or allow service men in...
...I indeed live in squalor!
It was truly a revelation... I had no idea...!
Besides - the 'clean' chaos ended up getting really dusty...
So, because of someone else's mistaken reference to the word, 'squalor', rather than 'poverty,' I serendipitously discovered Stepping Out of Squalor. I guess that's how my higher power new how to guide me here... I should try to find that post again, and bookmark it....
I know each of you are busy... but try to reflect back on this. I'm glad I did just now, as I realized I had almost forgotten how I got here myself! And it seems like another lifetime ago....
It would be really interesting to know how we all arrived; perhaps making note of changes in yourself from the first day you stumbled upon SOS's doorstep, to where you are now...!
(I hope some of the SS originals will post their stories, too...)
|
|
|
|
Post by Script on Feb 8, 2011 9:45:30 GMT -5
short reply, ha ha October, 2004 I used to receive a daily Peace Card from a religious group. Beside the pictures and prayers, there was a little reflection written by the lady who distributed the cards . She wrote around that time that some friends of hers had recommended the Fly Lady and Julie Morgenstern's web sites on organization. Sister Pat was hugely disorganized in her office.
I followed her links to Julie. Then started reading the "what's holding you back" thread about the original Kimmy. That lead me to Squalor Survivors.
I was transfixed by the pictures of extreme situations. My one home was never 'that bad', but the family business/building which we owned was horrendous. The pictures reminded me of that place: thousands of square feet of level 3 and 4 squalor.
I was having major dental surgery at that time. I was very afraid of not coming out of the anaesthetic and leaving my poor mother/family to face the mess in my cupboards and closets. I am a hidden messy, mostly, with a fairly large home in which to stash things....... I started cleaning up my INNER SPACE with a timer [FlyLady idea] and found Squalor Survivors to be hugely helpful. More so than FlyLady, eventually.
Thanks to the squalor people [as my DH calls us], I have learned daily routines, and know that these strategies [swish and swipe, tiny tidies, daily accountability blogs] are more healthy for me than occasional crisis management cleaning. I never have my Screaming Banshee Madwoman Marathon Clean-ups of Doom anymore, but I have learned to work a bit every day on my home.
Squalor Survivors, for newcomers, is the precursor to Stepping out of Squalor. When PigPen [Jo in NZ] decided it was time for her to move on, I moved with the SS group here to SooS. Again, I find our community to be more helpful than some others, as it is sooooooo welcoming and non-judgemental.
thanks to all who make this web-site a Home Base. |
|
|
|
Post by AnnieOkie on Feb 8, 2011 10:53:36 GMT -5
I was tired of living with my mess and my inability to do anything about it. I seriously felt suicidal at some times.
I started by looking for links to counselors or psychologists in my area to see if I could find some help. I realized I did not have the time or money to invest in visiting with them.
Then I did a search for online communities regarding "messiness", "clutter", that type of thing. I found a Yahoo message board that really didn't have much activity on it at all. Then I found the link to the original Squalor Survivors and started reading. From there I found the link to SOS and have been so thankful that I clicked on it...it has been such a blessing in my life. It has helped make me a better person and to help me restore a warm, comfy home for my family. It has helped me in so many more aspects of my life other than squalor (which, BTW, is a word that took me a long time to accept and to use in reference to my "messiness").
|
|
|
|
Post by The Eliminator on Feb 8, 2011 10:56:39 GMT -5
... Screaming Banshee Madwoman Marathon Clean-ups of Doom ...
 Even in my tidy days, I ended up doing that once or twice!!! I understand how you felt about the surgery; every time I go somewhere, I am so afraid of getting into a wreck or something, because of the state of the house. Well, at least I can open the front door now! (But they ain't gettin' past the front hall!) Thank you, Script!  |
|
|
|
Post by The Eliminator on Feb 8, 2011 11:07:01 GMT -5
Hi Annie! Oops... sorry! You snuck in while I was posting the reply to Script! I am familiar with your journey, as I had lurked here for a long while before posting, and I always enjoyed your posts! And you've done fabulously well! Congrats!!!  Thank you for recalling your beginning!
|
|
|
|
Post by catcat on Feb 8, 2011 11:23:00 GMT -5
I can't remember what made me find SS; I don't know if I looked up messiness or some similar thing, just don't remember. But once I started reading, it was arelief to read about peeps who were dealing with---or not dealing with---things like I had in our home. I am very clean when I clean. I am very disorganized in many areas---although when I worked in the hospital, after the first few months out of nursing school, I became very organized. It did not carry over to home , however. Looking back, I was disorganized as a child.
I, too, found the word "squalor" hard to swallow---still do, sometimes. But I can handle it , b/c this great site, like SS, is very helpful.
I have some OCD problems which contribute to my disorganization which lead to squalor, etc. I am a long way from where I want to be, but still keep chipping away at it. There were a couple of years of caregiving for a sick husband which drained me of energy & now, 14 months after his death, I can see where that really added to the problem, as I am finding things that I just shoved into the wrong places & forgot. I hope to clear it all out before I die. I don't get much help from my kids or grandkids & now, with age , am not able to do what I could before, at least not as fast !
Still, I do get inspiration from this site. There are no judgments passed, & that is good b/c I already do that to myself.
Wow, I did get longwinded. Sorry, catcat
|
|
|
|
Post by AnnieOkie on Feb 8, 2011 11:28:12 GMT -5
Thanks for the kind words, Eliminator. It is an honor to know that watching me helped you.  Pass it on, sister! |
|
|
|
Post by gottaproblem on Feb 8, 2011 16:39:24 GMT -5
I came here by way of the old squalor survivors board. I can't remember how I found squalor survivors, someone on Fly lady must have mentioned it. I had read the SHE books years ago and though I loved their sense of humor, I was no good on making cards and keeping up with their system. Fly lady did not get me moving either. Then I read squalor survivors and felt at last like I had found a true home. It seemed like no time at all and the board was shutting down and I thought I was lost again. Luckily Stepping out of squalor was formed and I found it again after losing it. It is taking me time to get this done, I seem to move one step forward and then 2 steps back. I continue the journey. I actually felt panicked when I thought the board was going out of business and I couldn't find the link to SOS. But all is well in the world now. Sometimes I just read without comments and sometime I just put an emoticon or comment. I do not know what I would do without this board to come to. Thank you for the people who keep it going. |
|
|
|
Post by canna on Feb 8, 2011 17:56:18 GMT -5
I used to watch the "Life Laundry" show that was from England, I watched every episode. Got me thinking. A Few years later Oprah had on the show about hoarders and another one "Inside the Life of Hoarders". I think at the end credits for that show the"Children of Hoarders" site was listed. I joined that and liked it, even though my parents were never hoarders, my mom was a real June Cleaver type. My dad had collections of tools, etc. but not bad. But C of H really helped me too. I think one of the members of C of H mentioned the Squalor Survivors group; I joined that also. Then SOOS came along.
Has SOOS helped?? oh yes...
Now have bathroom at level 0 and a dining room table that is really kept well, along with other things that have certainly improved and things really look better for sure. Lots of the ideas and threads here have absolutely helped me. Yes!!
|
|
|
|
Post by Ally on Feb 8, 2011 19:36:57 GMT -5
This is long... It's my story...
I have never been very neat. DH would always complain that I didn’t keep a clean house, but I always would blame it on him. I’d try to keep the dining room table cleared, and the first thing he would do when he walked in the door is empty his pockets onto the table. He would take the dental floss from the bathroom and walk into the dining room and leave that on the table. I felt that I was always picking up after him. The problem is that I wasn’t seeing the problems in myself. Also, we both had stay-at-home moms, and DH and I both worked full time and I don’t know that he ever considered that I wasn’t home all day, and he needed to share in more of the responsibilities.
Somewhere along the line, over 20 years ago, he heard Sandra Felton interviewed on the radio, and he told me that I should read her book. DH told me that she was talking about me and called me a “messie”. I was offended. I still believed that if he would just pick up after himself and help around the house more, there wouldn’t be a problem.
I did eventually read something by Sandra Felton, and also Sidetracked Home Executives, by Pam Young and Peggy Jones. They did make a few points that did hit home, but I never was able to put their techniques into practice.
Sometime around maybe 8 or 9 years ago I joined Flylady. I initially was very enthusiastic, but began to see the site as a marketing tool. They had lots of stuff for sale, and I felt like that their message was the only way to succeed was to buy all of their products. I also noticed that there were never any posts that said, “I bought the ___ and it didn’t work for me.” I got a little frustrated with their site… then again I never bought all of the products either. Around that time we saw Julie Morgenstern on PBS, we even bought whatever it was she was selling, but she showed how to organize, but didn’t really seem to get to the root of my problem.
About 7 years ago I took a nightshift job and things went from bad to worse. The house went for level 1 to level 2+. After about 4 years of working nights I was able to switch to day shift, but just as I was approaching the end of my night shifts, I became ill, and ended up in the hospital with a severe infection that required emergency surgery, and a complicated extended stay. I was skin and bones at discharge, and it took many months for me to regain my strength. My daughter dumped piles of “stuff” into boxes, which are still piled in the corners of our house and the rooms are now again filled with stuff.
Last summer I again in desperation did another internet search and found myself on a SparkPeople group that dealt with hoarding. I spent some time reading there and posted often. I suddenly started to see that I had a problem with stuff. I learned that I had a fear that if I threw something out I would need it the next day. I thought it was wasteful to toss something that someone else could possibly use. I was living in CHAOS and finally realized that I was the problem. I have continued to do research into the problem and bought a book on CBT, (more clutter).
We had celebrated Christmas 2010 with relatives a weekend early, so Christmas Day, I spent some time surfing and searching the web. Somehow I found the Squalor Survivors site. I finally found people just like me that weren’t trying to sell me a product. I followed a link to SooS that day, and have posted nearly every day since. I have hope that eventually I will conquer this monster.
|
|
|
|
Post by messymimi on Feb 8, 2011 20:12:51 GMT -5
A friend on the FlyLady local groups emailed links to Kimmy's pictures on SS. I took one look and realized it was where i needed to be.
messymimi
|
|
|
|
Post by Meme on Feb 8, 2011 20:37:01 GMT -5
I too came over from the old board and I don't recall how I found the old board beyond using google and looking for messie groups =
I do remember the panic after I joined as I was worried that no one would understand me as me-- however that soon proved false panic as the friends there and now here were/are kind and made me fit in..............
I never got to the point of squalor but I knew I was falling.....I kept the messies clean but I could just not live with the clutter and keep cleaning any longer but could not find a board or system that would encourage me at the same time as understanding me---
now I just stay here as I am part of the board and the board is part of me--- like family - and friends
they have helped through more than just squalor or messes or clutter or cleaning --- they have comforted me and walked with me and held my hand--- and they let me be me--
hugs from Meme
|
|
|
|
Post by saffron on Feb 8, 2011 20:54:28 GMT -5
I heard about the Sidetracked Home Executives, then FlyLady, and Julie M. On Julie M's site, Squalor Survivors was mentioned, and I started reading/posting over there. Then came SooS, and here I am! I learned how to do routines by FlyLady. Thanks to everyone on SooS, I continue my "Journey out of Squalor." Saf |
|
|
|
Post by blessedapt on Feb 8, 2011 22:43:00 GMT -5
I had read an article a few years ago about FlyLady and tried her system. It was a total failure for me. I remember seeing one of Oprah's first shows on hoarding and how she was repulsed and disgusted by her guest (who was at a severe level 4). Sometime I later watched a Dr. Phil show on hoarding and he was a little more compassionate and helpful, but I couldn't find anything on his website that would help me further (unfortunately there were posts from folks who were just horrified by the topic). These very brief forays online (I wasn't online at home at the time, only at work) turned me off to finding anything useful.
But in January of 2010, I was at the very rock bottom of a pit and felt I could never get my apt. cleaned up or sorted. I was beyond overwhelmed. I just wished the earth would swallow me up and it would all be over. Somehow I did look on Google for dealing with clutter and found the old site and then came over here. It was such a relief to find people who were facing what I was, but were caring and had senses of humor, that I immediately burst into tears! This happened the next few times I lurked. I just decided right there and then to join the board (this has to be a first, because I usually take FOREVER to make up my mind).
And I've never regretted it....in fact, I am so THANKFUL that you all are here. You have helped me in so many ways that I can't count. You have wonderful insights, which have really helped propel me forward on my clean-up mission. I wish I had more time to participate on the board (especially welcoming newcomers). But all you wonderful people are on my minds every day!
|
|
|
|
Post by def6 on Feb 9, 2011 16:18:05 GMT -5
I think I put in dirty house in google and Kimmy's pictures popped up from Squalor Survivors. I had never seen Anyone be that honest about how dirty things actually were and just how she cleaned it up. Truely amazing!
|
|
