|
|
Post by gadget on Feb 9, 2011 17:46:26 GMT -5
My father passed away suddenly and my brother and I had to clean out his house in order to sell it and settle the estate. My parents divorced when I was very young and my father remarried. My step mother would never allow me in the house. Even after her death, I never visited his home. For years I thought it was because she didn't like me but when my Dad died I found out the truth.
They lived in third degree squalor. My Father's house was the worst I had ever seen. 10 rooms of total chaos. I was so upset. It was not just the mess but the family members who came to laugh. It broke my heart. I saw the Hoarders show and started searching the internet to try to understand. I found the Squalor Survivors site and saw Kimmy's pictures. They looked just like my dads house! I later found this site.
SOS has been such a help. I would go and clean every day at my Dad's house and then come and read this site. It helped me keep up my courage. and sanity. It took eight months to clean that house out. My Dad kept valuables and money hidden in his junk so we had to go very slowly and check each item out. We also found some very horrible things.
By the time I finished cleaning my Dad's house, I realized I had a problem with squalor too! I have been working for almost two years cleaning up my mess as well. This site has been a lifesaver.
|
|
|
|
Post by TML on Feb 9, 2011 19:26:25 GMT -5
I came to SOOS through Kimmy's story too. I was really depressed about my house and how I lived. I can totally relate to the constant worry of something happening to me and leaving the mess for someone else to clean up.
I never really had the worry about what people would think. I know what they would think... i.e. figures, it is exactly like I thought it would be, or I have seen it worse.
I started looking around on the internet after I watched an episode of hoarders and they had that statement about how many people are impacted (hoarding or cluttering).
If I recall correctly the number was like 1 in 10 for severe. So I started to look to meet up with other people facing the same issues and found Kimmy's story.
|
|
|
|
Post by mouseanne on Feb 10, 2011 14:45:22 GMT -5
I signed up for Flylady's years ago. Just checked some saved items, the oldest is dated 8/20/02. At that time, I was just not a good housekeeper. My bedroom was piled waist high (no bed, just path to dresser & door) from the 2000 move. I shared my DD double bed.
Living room, K, Bath, hall, back porch floated around 1-2.
Side note, 4 surgeries, Sept 2003-hysterectomy, Oct 2004-laparoscopic rt knee, May 2007-laparoscopic hernia repair w/ patch, July 2009-laparoscopic intestinal blockage detangled, between then & now
main health issues are, bone on bone right knee, arthritus most joints, sleep disorder, emphysema, EDS, low thryroid. Moving is painful, and I get out of breath quite quickly, making the going very slow. I work full time, too.
I had use of my living room until my dd moved out, March or so 2007.
I was on Squalor Survivors as Pink Mouse. I have no recollection of how I found it. I was probably searching on "squalor".
When DD moved out, I got a storage unit, off loaded my bedroom, got it set up as a real bedroom. The 2nd bedrm was empty, pulled all the carpet out (hardwood, the older wider ones). The hardwood is in good shape, but very stained. But I like it much better than ancient, stained carpet. As I worked on my sewing room, things were piled back in my bedroom.
I have achieved zero degrees in bath & K/Dining. (time for maint, ATM)
On meme's recent 99 day chal, I started the LR.
When SS closed, I came right over as Pink Mouse, posted once, then didn't come back until Aug 2009, forgot I had logged in as Pink Mouse, couldnt start another PinkMouse, and took the name mouseanne.
I love you all.
|
|
|
|
Post by bee17 on Feb 10, 2011 16:47:09 GMT -5
I've always been a hoarder and untidy, but got worse after I started living alone. I began to put off having house guests, and if family came to stay I would have to spend a couple of days sorting the house out first. Most of the clutter ended up in the garage and got forgotten, and over the years I managed to collect mountains of stuff. A few years ago there was a programme on TV called "The Life Laundry", in which a woman used to help people dispose of their accumulated clutter. I found I could relate to a lot of the folks on there.
The 'crunch' came when I had to move three years ago. Don't think I'd realised till then how bad things had become. Even after the removal men had been, there was still stuff in the house and half a garage that hadn't been cleared, and I got into a lot of trouble over it. I arranged for a firm to take a lot of it away, but still had to rent another garage to store the excess (there wasn't a garage in the flat I was moving to). For the first time I looked at my hoard and realised it was as bad as anything I'd seen on TV (though I tried to keep things reasonably clean), and that if I'd been watching myself I'd have thought "That person has a serious problem!".
When I got to my new place I promised myself I'd never let it get out of hand like that again, but I soon went back down the slippery slope. I kept putting off clearing the garage and accumulated more stuff. About a year ago I started to think about moving nearer to my elderly parents, but put off a decision as I knew I had so much decluttering to do first before I could even think about moving. I looked up 'problem hoarding' or something on the Internet and eventually found this site. However, I've only really started to post regularly since Christmas. I lost my job at the end of the year, which finally pushed me into deciding to move back home. I allowed myself an extra seven weeks to declutter after finishing my job, but now have just one week left and still have a way to go.
I've rambled on a bit and really need to get some things done before bed, so better be off now. It's interesting to read other people's stories. I grew up in a tidy house, but only because my mum kept it that way. I reckon my dad would probably have ended up like me if he hadn't been married. Even when I was young I remember my mum getting on to him about having too much stuff.
|
|
|
|
Post by ontheway on Feb 10, 2011 20:22:10 GMT -5
Bee - I too remember "The Life Laundry" and still think it is the best of the cleaning up shows. About 5 years ago I was getting frustrated because the nice apartment I'd moved into a couple of years earlier was still piled with boxes from my move. I thought I'd decluttered a lot when I moved - but it was obviously not enough. I'd been hit with a lot of personal loss, job difficulties, and then depression from the weight of these difficulties while living in my old apartment and my new one was supposed to be my new beginning - a fresh start. But, the same pattern of getting overwhelmed by deadlines, work responsibilities, procrastination and all the STUFF was making me anxious and I was afraid of becoming depressed again - because my environment was depressing !
I had tons of paperwork and books, magazines and newspapers, bedroom was piled with clothing on chairs, bottom of bed, etc. I would let bags of garbage pile up, even though I was in an elevator building. My landlady was a noseybody who would comment on large bags of garbage - I would dread running into her with my trash bags! My walls were bare, but not the floors! I'd begun watching the various cleaning up shows - and they did help me begin the process. I had made some progress when I came across SOS online and lurked for the longest time before daring to post. I knew that I needed help sustaining my drive and to get past the self-defeatist attitude of my ability to really make progress and change my habits.
I've had a few plateauing maintenance periods where I didn't log-in. I cleaned up and then prettied my walls with pictures and photos. I made the move here in May 2008, but didn't really post much, and then got involved in some other things and would just occasionally lurk. I would lurch between Level .5 - 1 and Level 2 - but the bad periods didn't last as long as they used to and it was encouraging that I could clean up my apartment in a weekend to the point of feeling comfortable letting non-family come in, when it used to take 2 weeks!
Last August I decided to do a big push to declutter once again - finally get rid of the last remaining boxes of unpacked books from my move years ago, clean out my closets, and feel like I can have painters come in! I signed back on this past fall and started posting again and it is great to be back and productive and optimistic about the future and my ability to maintain clear counters, clear floors, clear furniture.
Being accepted and supported and not having to hide about my problems - gaining hope from the people who have turned their lives around, or backslid and came back just as strong is very important to me. Thanks for letting me share my story.
Ontheway
|
|
|
|
Post by Little_Ninja on Feb 10, 2011 21:02:28 GMT -5
Thank you for starting this thread, Eliminator! I joined the original SqualorSurvivors forum (created by PigPen) in mid-summer of 2003. With the state of my house, I thought I must have been INSANE (not kidding or exaggerating) with the inability to load a dishwasher, wash a dish, vacuum, pick up dog poo from the carpet, swish the nasty toilet, scrub the scum from the bathroom sink, etc. I Googled several descriptive terms of what I thought about myself: " Slobs R Us", " pigsty", " messy people", etc. It was then that I found Pigpen's SqualorSurvivors forum. I read Kimmy's thread and viewed her pictures. It was then that I knew I had "found my people" and posted an intro. My intro wasn't very descriptive. I recall I titled it something like, "Hi, I'm a Newbie." But I DO recall feeling that I thought I was really crazy/insane for not being able to do the simplest of household chores and thought I needed to be locked up in an insane asylum because my four dogs (which I had at the time) deserved better. I also recall mentioning that I was relieved that "I WAS NOT ALONE. I WAS NOT THE ONLY ONE." Those words seem to be very common among all newbies who discover the SqualorSurvivors and TakingOneStep forums. (Pause) Hi y'all!  We are LEGION! This is a community of gentle souls!!! In my first few months after joining the original forum back in 2003, I was able to get some major cleaning done - enough to invite a plumber to stop by and do some major plumbing repairs in my bathroom and kitchen. Since then I have had more plumbing, A/C-Heating, and maintenance repairs attended to. At this time, I'm still not squalor free. I have many personal issues I still need to deal with. But I am definitely better off than I was back in 2003! And my "thinking" is starting to change, and I've changed behaviors accordingly. For example - I absolutely cannot cook a big meal or try out a new recipe unless all pots & pans & dishes are clean -- period. If I can't clean beforehand, I'll resort to just microwaving some fast/easy/non-nutritious food. But that's not where I want to be right now. Secondly - I just absolutely ABHOR the thought of doing a mad-rush-crazy-maniacical-sleep-deprived-cleanup-at-the-last-minute in order to have a repair done at my home or to invite a guest to visit (so far, just my own sister). I've done those cleanups in the past and have suffered health-wise from them. I am working towards a level of decent maintenance (still not there yet) so that I never have to do those frenzied cleanup episodes again. I realize it's a JOURNEY and it doesn't happen overnight. And I notice that the little, subtle things I do to better my life are really taking a positive effect on me. (Feng Shui, anyone?) Bless this site and its members!   Little_Ninja |
|
|
|
Post by clutterbuggles on Feb 11, 2011 4:09:43 GMT -5
I came back from a 7 week holiday in (mostly) nice homes and hotels and had a really tough adjustment to living my own life again. Everyone seemed to have everything so 'together'. And I found it frustrating that I can't even manage to pack up my ex's stuff and get on with decluttering my own - something that's desperately needed to be done for years. My relationship was, strangely enough, better when we literally had no money and I was having to hold on to torn jeans and sweatpants to use as patches for others because we had no means to replace them. But the more it started to fall apart the more I'd cling on to things I thought might be 'useful'.
I was fed up, had followed Flylady for years and just couldn't adapt it enough to get more than the bare minimum done and didn't feel like I was in with the right 'crowd'. It felt like they all had most of their **** together and I was constantly comparing myself to their successes and feeling like they really couldn't appreciate just how mammoth of a task decluttering and cleaning my home was going to be.
In absolutely frustration I typed into Google 'my house is a disaster' - and Squalor Survivors came up as the search result. (I've always said Google has the answer for everything!) I read through the site and thought 'These people REALLY understand what it's like.' Then I saw the link for a community and was really depressed for a minute when I read the original community was closed - but thrilled to find the link to SOS.
I love it here. I thing one of the things that held me back before was that my brain is full of obstacles and I need to get beyond those - I need the support of people who've been there, done that and bought (and decluttered) a stack of T'shirts. But in order to really get there - I need to be HONEST. I did love some of the people in the FL community - but I didn't want to be a 'freak show'. I can be honest here. It's not a competition. <3 you all.
|
|
minky
New Member
Joined: December 2009
Posts: 97
|
Post by minky on Feb 11, 2011 9:46:41 GMT -5
What a great question! I have been a member of SOS (formerly SS) for a very long time. I don't know how long it has been, but quite a few years. I haven't always been "messy". In fact when I was a child, I was a perfectionist. I probably had the cleanest kid's room in history. Every single day I would dutifully dust all my little knick-knacks, put my toys and books away, make my bed, etc. When I became a teenager things changed. Something very tragic happened to me and I began to suffer from depression. It was very debilitating, I couldn't even go to school (I was home schooled). It was definitely the lowest point of my life. I was not your typical teenager. I stayed locked in my room, I had no friends, I watched TV all day and did my school work and slept. That was my life. My mother was scared to enter my room, so she stayed out. My room was...it was horrendous. There was literally no place to step without crushing things. I had dirty clothes, dirty dishes, mold, rotting food, etc. I also covered my window with a blanket (to sleep during the day). I smoked like a chimney too and never opened the window for fresh air. It was like a dark, stinky, moldy cave. It took a few years and a lot of help from my mother, but we ended up redoing my whole room. New carpet, new paint on the walls, new bed and comforter, etc. It went from being the ugliest room in the world to the most beautiful. My mom helped me with the upkeep of it though. So I never really learned how to clean a room myself. I never mopped (because I had carpet), my mom washed my laundry and put it away, etc. All I really knew how to do was dust and make my bed. Then I met my husband and QUICKLY married him. I didn't really know what he expected from me in terms of housekeeping. I was afraid of cleaning things because I didn't want to do it wrong or disappoint him. Basically I just stuck with simple things like doing dishes or picking up trash. I was waiting for him to tell me how things should be done. Obviously he expected me to know what to do. So things never got done. Then two children also quickly entered our lives and the downward spiral began. I was young and extremely busy trying to take care of two at once. I had a hard time just keeping my head above water, never mind cleaning a house on top of that. We acquired pets over the years as well, which didn't help matters. By the time I got my act together, it was too late. It was way too much for me to do on my own. Quite a few times we all got together as a family and got the house in tip-top condition, but it would end up looking the same again in a few weeks. We never learned how to properly clean, not me, not my husband, not the children. It has been in this yo-yo state for many years now. One time when I was at my wit's end, I joined a housekeeping board. I explained that I didn't even know where to begin because every surface in my house was dirty. Someone there (unsure of who) suggested SS. I immediately typed it in a search engine and found it. I lurked for many months simply reading and silently getting encouragement. Then I began posting there. When we all moved over here, I also signed up (but lost my username). Then I finally signed up once again with this username. I'm a very strange person when it comes to joining communities. I will come here for a week or two. I will feel encouraged and I will make great strides in getting things cleaned up. Then one day I won't feel like it. Then I stop visiting for awhile and the house slips back to its previous state. I'm also the same way with friends (in real life and on the internet). I try to reach out, but when others show that they care then I back off. I can't explain why I am that way, I just am. These are all things that I have to work on. Well, I pretty much wrote a novel as a reply to your question! But I really enjoyed answering it. Thanks everyone!  Edited to add: I wanted to add that I too understand everyone's fear of opening the door. I HATE my doorbell. I really HATE it. I hate living like this. I hate my heart thudding in my chest when I hear the doorbell. No one from my family has been in my house for close to 9 years or so. My children have never had a friend over ever. My biggest fear is that something will happen where someone will have to come in (calling the ambulance, police, etc.) and they will take one look at the place and take my kids away! I keep telling myself that I am over exaggerating. I have nothing dangerous in my house. It is quite cluttered though and has ancient dust bunnies everywhere. But even if they didn't take my kids away, I would be so embarrassed if ANYONE would see this mess! I hate thinking that what most "normal" people take for granted (inviting a friend in for coffee, etc.), I could NEVER do. I can't even open my front door completely when the postman comes with a package. I'm too scared that he may see inside. I'm tired of living like a scared hermit.  |
|
|
|
Post by Celeste on Feb 11, 2011 17:16:32 GMT -5
When I was in high school and college, I was very organized and neat. Things had a place and I put them there. I had a system for storing items.
What I didn't see was that system depended on constant active maintenance. If I ever got behind, I'd lose control quickly. Also, some habits I was acquiring would mean I'd eventually run out of room.
Why was I saving every issue of several magazines? Why was I keeping old computer magazines that were out of date a year later? Why keep every letter ever exchanged by my best friend in high school? I had changed utterly since then and didn't like reading the letters because it reminded me of past mistakes!
I went through a serious depression and lost the impetus to organize stuff. My mess mushroomed everywhere. It was beginning to take over the rooms of others in the household. I couldn't find stuff I knew I had. Our poor ping-pong table was obscured by miscellaneous items. We couldn't even get around it anymore because of boxes stacked on it or around it.
Meanwhile, one of my cats (known here as 'Mr Third Degree') had taken to spraying and leaving nasty presents in odd corners.
In December of 2000, I decided to take action against the mess and get more organized. I bought Julie Morgenstern's 'Organizing From the Inside Out', which stressed how important it is to organize things in a way that is sensible to YOU. I took the questions she asked and applied it to every room, then slowly began to clear, clean and organize things.
It occurred to me as I worked that some of my behavior was irrational and if left unchecked, I'd have a mess of major proportions. It was already affecting how well areas could be cleaned and maintained. It could only get worse if my behavior continued on the same path. I was determined to change my habits.
Along with journaling about the cleaning I was doing, I found Julie's website and began contributing to the forum there. I'd already cleaned one floor of our home by the time May of 2001 rolled around.
That May, I spotted a post by a newbie named Kimmy. Nobody had answered Kimmy's first post yet, a desperate cry for help. It scared me a bit because it sounded like her desperation could quickly lead to total despair. She didn't know where to start, so my first thing was to tell her to quit blaming herself. The self-guilt was overwhelming her. I also tried to reassure her that it didn't matter where she started, as long as she picked a spot and got going. Others joined in, showing her much compassion and encouragement. It grew to be the most popular thread on the forum by far. No one criticized her. No one. (When people tell me that cleanies can't understand or support those in squalor, I think of all the posters on Julie's site. The cleanies can and have.)
Julie's site was an organizing site, not a clutter or hoarder's site. There were no such things in those days. Kimmy couldn't find one.
The various clutter/hoarding scales we see now weren't posted then. I believe some of the best-known scales hadn't even been created yet. Instead, we used a scale given to Kimmy by her psychiatrist; one with four degrees of squalor. Kimmy was in the third degree, thus the title of her famous thread "Third Degree squalor -- where do I start?".
It became clear that others had a similar problem and those people tried to give Kimmy useful advice and encouragement.
Another member contributing to Kimmy's thread was Pigpen. It was decided we needed a place to continue to support one another and help others with the same problem. Pigpen started her 'Squalor Survivors' site. When Pigpen was writing material for the website, I was amused to see she quoted me often! I was glad to help, of course. She also made me her first forum moderator. (Later, I had to deal with RL issues and back off. She appointed others to the task of moderating, namely Script, AngelinaHedgehog, and Eagle.)
Early on, Kimmy decided to share her photos of the mess she had cleared to show what she'd done. I think I was the only one on the brand new Squalor Survivors site with a scanner at the time, so Kimmy sent her pictures to me. Those were the days before digital cameras were common. She took the film to a processor in the town's red light district so they wouldn't be so shocked by the pictures they were developing. She was scared to death I would reject her when I saw her mess. She shouldn't have worried. It simply made her bravery and accomplishments that much more inspiring.
I stayed with Squalor Survivors to the end, then moved here when Missy set the site up. A week later, since the brand new SOS was having some of the same birth pangs as SS in its first days, I made a suggestion Missy found useful, so she told me she wanted me to be an admin on Stepping Out of Squalor. And here I am.
I think you probably know the rest!
|
|
|
|
Post by lorrainemondo on Feb 11, 2011 21:15:54 GMT -5
Wow, I loved learning that detail about Kimmy's pictures, how she went to a red light district photo lab!
I joined Squalor Survivors in 2005 when I bumbled across Kimmy's original thread after googling words like "really messy". Kimmy's thread led to Squalor Suvivors. Like most here, I could not believe my eyes! I knew there were other messy people in the world but I didn't know that we were legion.
I read and read and then I took some pictures and then I started cleaning. All within a couple of hours of finding the site. I donated some money and had a very pleasant volley of email exchanges with Pigpen.
When my beloved pet bird, Luigi the Lovebird, almost died because of my squalor I turned to the community for support. Luigi breathed in some mold and was sick unto death with aspergillosis. A fantastic vet battled to save Luigi and 9 days after he was admitted to the animal hospital he was discharged to be nursed at home.
I've said this so many times but I love to say it--It would be worth becoming squalorous just to belong to this magnificent community of people.
I'm looking around and while my house would seem a tad messy to some, it's not too bad at all. And I owe it all to this community.
This forum is extremely successful. Most forums don't continue for long because everyone loses interest and energy. This place is so authentic and so real and raw and loving--that must be the secret of SOS's longevity.
|
|
|
|
Post by success19 on Feb 12, 2011 16:20:26 GMT -5
When Carol was on the Oprah show - then I was away for awhile - then I came back. I saw myself in her depression and letting things go due to various circumstances - actually Carol was a pioneer - I think one of the first to go public with the issues of stuff and clutter and so on and so forth. I have been able to achieve getting rid of tons of stuff - still working on it. It would be lovely if Carol could be updated on the Oprah show and I do think Oprah now knows that Carols situation is much more common than was thought at the time.
Thank you Carol!
|
|
|
|
Post by Celeste on Feb 13, 2011 13:47:59 GMT -5
Carol briefly joined us and Reclaiming Dignity after her show aired. She told us what happened behind the scenes.
Carol got quite badly burned by Oprah on the air, and they did not follow through with the counseling they claimed they would give her. Oprah offered to have her back on the show not long after the original airing, but Carol declined. She's not interested in returning.
Last I heard, she was still living in squalor and trying to pull her life together.
|
|
|
|
Post by CourageouslyLion SeeksSerenity on Feb 13, 2011 17:01:35 GMT -5
|
|
|
|
Post by momof3boys on Feb 14, 2011 7:56:46 GMT -5
I don't remember
|
|
|
|
Post by John on Feb 15, 2011 14:38:44 GMT -5
Someone on the ADD site I'm on mentioned some of us might be interested in checking out this site. So I did & looked around & soon Joined & the Rest Is History  |
|
