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Post by greenfuzz on Sept 22, 2008 10:42:49 GMT -5
I keep things from a life I no longer lead. I keep many things that no longer resonate with me because I feel I need to hold on to that part of my past because I may be there again someday. I've thrown out most of my skinny clothes, but I've so many things that bore me or I never touch and collect dust. And things that I would like to hang etc are in storage. also I keep a lot of garbage around. why i've no idea.
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Post by need2bfree on Sept 24, 2008 2:19:13 GMT -5
I have a dream to one day homestead. You know, own a few acres and a farm. Plant a huge garden, collect the eggs that my chickens lay, anyway, I think you get the idea. The only thing I have collected are a couple of resource books, skills and knowledge. Oh I forgot I did get two angora rabbits, cause I did learn how to spin fiber and knit and I do give gifts from the fiber, and use the pooh in my vegetable garden. Trust me it's not because I don't want to start collecting stuff for my dream, it's just that I know how I am and I don't have the room. The urge is strong at times though and I have to rationalize with myself as to why I don't need it NOW!!! I have trouble with tossing clothes, cause I might be able to find a use for the fabric, like make a quilt or recycle it and make it into something else. I also have a BIG problem getting rid of books, how could I even think such a thing!!! I have had dreams of having dinner parties, people over for the holidays and parties. All of which I succeded in doing, we even had a party once a month for two years ( stopped due to theft ). My point is it can be done, planning is the key and sending the invititations is the motivater. I have cleaned like a mad man the day/week/month of the event but it sure was worth it to see the fruit of my work. friends just wanting to spend time with you, not givining the white glove treatment or in need to "see the rest of your house" are the ones to invite, they are the ones who just want to see YOU!!! So keep your dreams alive, cause I know one day I'll be in my chair on my front porch watching the corn grow and the animals frolic, while I sip my ice tea and smile. (even if it is a little messy  . |
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Post by need2bfree on Sept 24, 2008 3:43:13 GMT -5
Spinning is so relaxing and easy to learn. It doesn't take much at all for a hat or scarf.
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Post by snailspace on Sept 24, 2008 8:48:06 GMT -5
pickles: Ferdinand the Bull! I remember him!  "Pure stubborness" you called it and that got me wondering if maybe that's what it takes for a person to get something they want sometimes! greenfuzz: my closet is packed full and yet I wear the same outfit nearly everyday. Clothes are hard to deal with. limegreen: Textbooks were hard for me to let go of, too, for the reference value, the realization I'd never finish the course feelings, and the fact they were so dang expensive! And I felt I should donate them, etc. etc. But books and magazines have become one thing, oddly, that I'm now able to toss. It frees up so much space. need2bfree: that is so cool about the rabbits! It must be immensely satisfying to be able to start at the beginning of the process with the animal itself and go all the way through to the knitted item. |
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jeremyfirth
New Member
Get some barbells and move them!
Joined: September 2008
Posts: 6
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Post by jeremyfirth on Sept 28, 2008 23:44:43 GMT -5
I was talking with my wife today while my 20-month-old daughter was watching old He-Man episodes (the same ones I watched as a boy) and I said, "You know, it took me a long time to understand that there's no magic sword that can transform you from being Prince Adam the Douche into He-Man, the most powerful man in the universe." I used to think that just by being intelligent and talented, that I would be rich and never have to worry about money. I thought that being smart was just like He-Man's sword, just hold it aloft, say "I have the power!" and you would become He-Man, the most powerful man in the universe.
It took a LONG time for me to figure out that even though I was smart and talented, I still had to WORK. I'm still pissed off about it. This goes along with your feeling of prepping for a life you don't lead. I didn't realize when I was young that if I wanted to be the most powerful man in the universe, I needed to pick up a barbell and drink a lot of milk every day. For me, the hardest thing in the world is to do a small step toward a large goal every day over a long period of time. It's so hard for me to be patient with a process. I have this delusion that because I'm smart, everything should just be easy and should just work for me. So anything that takes time, or a lot of dedication, or a lot of consistent effort, I just get frozen up and say, "Aw, *** it." I have so many unfinished projects, I don't even like to think about it.
And writing that last sentence reminds me of an insight I had recently. I had a clean office for awhile (I work from home) and recently it was junky in a bad way for about six weeks. I slipped into depression and just ignored it. I felt more frantic and anxious, and it got to where I just kept the door to my office closed all the time, and I just went upstairs to the t.v. room, and took my computer up there to work.
For one reason or another, I finally decided to clean the *** office. I told my wife, "I am going to..." and she said "clean your office. Blah blah blah." I realized that I had said I was going to clean my office about half a bajillion times in recent days, so I said, "if my office isn't clean by 10 pm tomorrow night, I will give you $100." I wanted that deadline to be painful. It worked! Office is now clean.
And now the insight: a part of me actually likes the stress feeling that comes from clutter. I feel like I don't deserve to enjoy what I'm doing, so I distract myself from enjoying it and being fully present by leaving a bunch of junk around that makes me feel guilty for doing something I enjoy. I look around and say, "I really want to read a book, but I can't really because I should clean. But I don't want to clean." So I read the book, but only for a minute, because I feel guilty, so I go watch t.v., but only for about 20 minutes, because I feel guilty and feel like, boy I really should be working right now, so I go read reddit.com. I click a few articles, read a couple, and think, "Man, I should clean right now." and this goes on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on until I can't keep my eyes open at night. I wake up at 3 am and think about what I should do tomorrow, so I get up and make a list, then I'm awake, so I go on reddit, read a few articles, watch a South Park episode, then it's 7 am and I'm exhausted, so I go to bed, sleep for an hour, then everyone's awake and I feel guilty for sleeping, so I get up, exhausted, and start the stupid procrastination process all over again because I LIKE torturing myself. I don't know why yet, but I have figured out that there is a part of me, a powerful part of me, that feels like this is the life I deserve, so I keep myself here. Distracted, not really enjoying anything, surrounded by clutter with a calendar full of missed deadlines.
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Post by razy on Sept 29, 2008 1:58:30 GMT -5
Yeah
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schnapps
New Member
Joined: September 2008
Posts: 4 
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Post by schnapps on Sept 29, 2008 3:18:18 GMT -5
I wake up at 3 am and think about what I should do tomorrow, so I get up and make a list, then I'm awake, so I go on reddit, read a few articles, watch a South Park episode, then it's 7 am and I'm exhausted, so I go to bed, sleep for an hour, then everyone's awake and I feel guilty for sleeping, so I get up, exhausted, and start the stupid procrastination process all over again because I LIKE torturing myself. I don't know why yet, but I have figured out that there is a part of me, a powerful part of me, that feels like this is the life I deserve, so I keep myself here. Distracted, not really enjoying anything, surrounded by clutter with a calendar full of missed deadlines. Reading this, I felt like I was reading myself. I procrastinate all the time, which is very bad (even now, typing this, I KNOW I am procrastinating on a more urgent task at hand). And I can totally relate to the impatience with the process of reaching a goal - I was also a smart kid and academically things were very easy for me initially, so when I encountered more challenging tasks I resented having to exert any effort. It's something I have to fight against all the time - I also have a slew of unfinished projects out there, again for the fantasy life that I would like to lead. Since I first started posting here a few days ago I find that the 10 to 15-minute timer trick has been very helpful - in my case, it's enough to make a dent because I'm first-degree and husband also keeps on top of the overall appearance of the house, but we have small piles everywhere. |
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Post by threeg on Sept 29, 2008 10:56:21 GMT -5
I have a lot of disaster supplies too. The problem is: I have NO idea where most of them ARE!  In fact, since I moved I have no idea where a LOT of things are!  3g |
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Post by threeg on Sept 29, 2008 11:22:16 GMT -5
Jeremyfirth, I totally feel just like you do. I am talented and smart and yet I have to work.  In my case I am 60 years old, I work two jobs, and have no idea just when (or IF) I will be able to retire! I procrastinate so much that I have lost money on many occasions because of it. I have lost thousands of dollars because of it as a matter of fact.  I torture myself also by procrastinating. The only reason that I'm getting anything done in my apartment is because my cable was shut off, partly due to a junky car that I bought, and I bought it because I had lost money due to procrastination and it was all I could affoard! This is all painful to realize, and I'm trying not to beat myself up about it. 3g |
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nina
New Member
Joined: June 2008
Posts: 8
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Post by nina on Sept 30, 2008 19:13:32 GMT -5
My "office" is like that. I have a fantasy of being organized and relaxed enough to build and repair PCs. I know how. About twice a year I actually do it (fix a PC). The rest of the time my "office" looks like NASA's dumpster.
I am at the Library with my PC today because the house was too much. What was I thinking taking vacation days.
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jeremyfirth
New Member
Get some barbells and move them!
Joined: September 2008
Posts: 6
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Post by jeremyfirth on Sept 30, 2008 23:29:07 GMT -5
I cleaned my office, and it opened up the opportunity for me to enjoy one of my hobbies. I inherited my grandfather's record collection, so I enjoy converting his old records to audio files so I can enjoy them on my ipod. I had to clean off my desk so that I have room for my record player. It's been clean for four days, and I have converted 18 records! I love hearing music I've never heard before, and this has made the torture and agony of cleaning my office worth it!
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Post by cando on Oct 1, 2008 11:15:28 GMT -5
Great thread. Thanks for starting it and sharing your thoughts. I, too, am one who can identify with the purchase of things & now that you wrote about it, realize that it is all part of dreams. I have soo much stuff that I have hung on to that either I bought or was given and keep thinking that the dream will be my future and is real. Didn't even realize that it was dreams, but your post makes sense. I did get rid of the textbooks a few years ago. Flylady helped me with that one. I realized that I did not love them, had not used them in many, many years and only when I had the class...and that I didn't see using them in the near future so finally parted with those. I actually had forgotten what dream I had been saving them for. Something to do with future classes that I might take & need to refer back to them. One had to do with the possibility of having children & might need them somehow then. After having "brilliant" children...absolutely no need for them to see or use my old textbooks. They didn't have time, had their own textbooks, so got it that they didn't need my help nor would have wanted my help, no time for them to look at my old textbooks, no time for them to look at my old papers and why would they want to? They write their own papers! I remember buying a hoofpick when I was a kid with mone that I saved up and earned for the horse that I never owned. I did use it once when I participated in a horsecamp as a kid. But, have not used it since. I wonder if I have it in my home somewhere or still at my parent's home.... Hmmmm. I have fine china that I got when I selected my pattern and got married. Was fortunate enough to receive the entire pattern. Have not ever used the fine china. Why would I when I had a decent everyday pattern. But, I bought them with the greatest intent to entertain. Looked forward to having guests over and setting a beautiful table with the wonderful placemats & napkin rings that I purchased... etc. etc. But, same as another posted. Right now, I can't even answer the door... I'm ashamed.... Same as above with the Sterling Silver pattern (not complete), the crystal pattern that I received, beautiful serving cart that I never even put together and still have in the box... I can't bear to part with it.... Okay...I'm starting to feel very sad now and depressed... mainly due to the failure I am feeling now as a Mom,wife and contributing citizen. So, I'll stop now and move on to the Listzilla thread and work on getting stuff done. Right now, I have to work on Identity Theft of which I've become victim of and have to, once again, delay the decluttering/desqualoring. CD  |
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someday
New Member
Joined: October 2008
Posts: 54
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Post by someday on Oct 1, 2008 19:45:50 GMT -5
Oh...God...the boxes of beads and modeling clay from craft projects that I was going to do, the various crap from my husband's "I'm going to" phases spread all over the dining room table. I have visions of ripping up our smelly, rotten, dog pee soaked carpet and refinishing the pine floor, but I know it would take insane amounts of work to get the stains out, if we even could. And then we'd have to explain to the landlord WHY we ripped up the carpet...and then we would be homeless. But still - part of me wants to take weaving lessons so that I could make rag rugs to put on my beautiful wood floor. I guess a dream is one of the hardest things to kill.
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Post by WestsideStory on Oct 3, 2008 0:57:08 GMT -5
ah, snailspace so true so true so true and when letting go talked about getting rid of all that great yarn I had to restrain myself from crying out, NO! DON'T DO IT! And I don't even knit or crochet. (although I'm sure I could learn  , and it would be very useful in fabric crafts , and card-making , and working with kids , and as ecological gift-wrap/ribbons and ...) I was meaning this to be somewhat humorous and self-depracating but the more I think about it the move I'd like to add all that fancy yarn to my crafts-stash. honestly. Yikes! for me, it is the crafts supplies and other items to be creative (cookbooks, ingredients for exotic dishes, etc.). I actually do the crafts, but have boxes of fabric stashes, buttons, paints, beads, card stock ... for me it is important not to be deprived when I am treating myself by doing something fun and rewarding. I keep my eyes open for stuff for projects which I intend to do ... for instance, I saw a great quilt in a show which used old doilies and lace to make flowers, so I have been keeping an eye out for old doilies and lace for the past five years or so. God willing, I will get around to making that quilt. But meanwhile, I am storing these items and paying for the storage unit. and I do have clothes for dates I am not going on and camping trips I haven't been on for some time and ............. retail therapy really doesn't make me feel better in the long run -- it adds to the stress of living in a mess. I have to remember that. since I'm trying to live a more frugal/sustainable lifestyle, I am not doing a lot of retail therapy at malls and department stores and on-line these days. but I've acquired more things during my "vacation" from this site than I have decluttered. And even with thrift store, freecycle, and other finds, Yes, there is a quick high and feel-good mood. But too often, it's like a sugar/chocolate rush or caffeine high -- quick elevation and then a sudden drop and depression. thanks for sharing on this topic. you've helped me look at myself in this area. WestsideStory |
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Post by 60isolderthanithot on Oct 3, 2008 8:15:24 GMT -5
I cleaned my office, and it opened up the opportunity for me to enjoy one of my hobbies. I inherited my grandfather's record collection, so I enjoy converting his old records to audio files so I can enjoy them on my ipod. I had to clean off my desk so that I have room for my record player. It's been clean for four days, and I have converted 18 records! I love hearing music I've never heard before, and this has made the torture and agony of cleaning my office worth it! This is the kind of new idea that is so important to me! It's embarrassing but without the kind of big payoff you mention, it's rare for me to look for a new list of chores to do. But now I feel as if I have permission to get something out of it. I don't praise myself much. I don't enjoy getting things clean very often. When you wash dishes, it's just a prelude to getting them dirty again. |
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