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Post by mariposa on Oct 18, 2008 16:21:16 GMT -5
Hi everyone, it's been a while since I've even read posts (since SS ended I think.) I have pretty much been in a downward spiral. I keep thinking, oh I have a free weekend, I'll really get things done, but here it is late Saturday and I've done nothing. I am so...prissy I guess, I hate the thought of dirty things touching me, and yet I let my house get so disgusting. I've forgotten what the squalor levels are, but I've got cat poo all over the house, overflowing litterboxes, dirty floors, dishes that have been in the sink for a long time (I have not cooked for myself since my husband died last year.) I have a tick problem for the first time ever. I got Frontline put on all the animals, and I know I need to fog the house and spray the yard, but I need to clear some floor space first I think, and then it gets back into the "eww yuck I don't want to touch it" feelings. My fridge is empty but needs to be cleaned. My car is a mess but thankfully no food - just trash and miscellaneous items that I don't know what to do with. I have been making a very slow (VERY SLOW) difference in my laundry room/garage, but it is still overwhelmingly cluttered and dirty. I am overwhelmed with my pets. I have 3 dogs and 6 cats (used to be 4 dogs but my mom took 1 when hers died) and I can't do this anymore. It was hard but manageable with my husband, but I have no desire to have this many animals anymore, and I feel horrible about it. None of my family/friends can take any, and I am so scared to try to find homes with strangers - I worked in the animal field for many years and I have seen bad things. And yet I know my home for them is not even close to ideal. I'm going to school and doing well. I'm dating but he has not even seen my house - there is no way as he's very particular and almost OCD about things (match made in heaven? I think not,  ) I need help. I need a kick in the rear from my old friends.  |
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Post by mariposa on Oct 18, 2008 16:55:22 GMT -5
Since I posted, I took the dogs outside to potty, started a load of laundry, and threw away a small box of misc papers/trash that has been in my laundry room for 2+ years. Thing is, this is really all I do. Something small, but never enough to make a difference. |
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Post by CourageouslyLion SeeksSerenity on Oct 18, 2008 17:02:17 GMT -5
- So glad to see you ! I've missed you. You were always so kind. Look, Celeste added a butterfly smiley!  Hugs! - |
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Post by mariposa on Oct 18, 2008 17:06:19 GMT -5
Thank you Lioness. I've missed you too!
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Post by mariposa on Oct 18, 2008 17:32:19 GMT -5
I forgot to mention, I have several repairs that need to be done in my house. My sink has a broken pipe and while it still works, I have to let it drain into a bucket and dump the bucket in the tub. My toilet needs the guts replaced and the seat replace (I really don't know how to do either - can probably figure out the seat but the guts no way.
I just went and cleaned out a cardboard box 1/2 full of papers and stuff. Most of it went in the garbage, a few things went in a misc box of stuff I'm not sure what to do with, and the box itself went in the garbage.
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Post by moggyfan on Oct 18, 2008 17:54:07 GMT -5
Hi Mariposa! I am so glad to see you back (though sorry you have been having a hard time). You know, there's nothing wrong with a good "kick in the rear" so I'll give you one--sorry, no icon for it though :-) You already know how much better you'll feel when there's less clutter and mess. With that out of the way, it sounds as though you have been doing well in several areas of your life. You suffered a tremendous loss less than a year ago and I think you deserve a lot of credit for picking yourself up, putting yourself back together and beginning to make a new and different life. So kudos along with that kick.  |
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Post by messymimi on Oct 18, 2008 18:10:34 GMT -5
Since I'm not very good at kicking rears, how about a hug of understanding instead? 
I'm glad that you realize the animals are not in an ideal situation there. Please contact every animal rescue group in your area and get on waiting lists if you must. Sooner or later one or more of them should be able to help you place at least some of your animals in good, loving homes.
If you don't feel you can fog your place, could you spread diatomaceous earth? It is a powder that is totally non poisonous and dessicates bugs. It can take a while to work, but it does work. You can find it at many gardening supply places.
Touching icky things never gets any easier. I've changed hundreds of diapers, cleaned nasty refrigerators that had no electricity due to hurricanes, scooped cat boxes and cleaned their misses, held sick and dying animals and gotten all kinds of fluids on me, and cleaned nasty squalorous stuff galore, and it has never gotten any easier. It is not prissy to feel that way. It is normal. For me I feel the disgust and do it anyway because that is what has to be done.
Would it make your life any easier to just throw away the dishes and get a small supply of paper plates for yourself? That would take away one of the nasty areas rather quickly.
I'm glad that you are dating and going to school. As the positives in your life continue to build, you may find it easier to deal with the hard things.
Celebrate every step forward, even if you think it is slow progress.
messymimi
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Post by joyinvirginia on Oct 19, 2008 1:59:06 GMT -5
Hi Mariposa! I was not reading/ posting a while after the new boards went up, also. Sounds like you are taking small steps, that is great! Best wishes,
Joy in Virginia
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Post by DJ on Oct 19, 2008 2:51:19 GMT -5
hi mariposa.. i am really sorry for the situation you're in... after mom died i was so overwhelmed with the animals i would lie down and just cry sometimes. you're not alone and everyone here's supporting you as best we can. i have full faith in your ability to replace a toilet seat, i bet you could even replace some of the guts though no reason to take more on yourself than you need to. just know that you can do it. for what it's worth, from my experience working at a vet clinic and some nasty messes in general- gloves are very very great face masks are awesome too vicks vaporrub covers up smells, especially when you put a mask on over it. but my personal preference is burts bees almond milk beeswax handcream. the smell is pleasant but strong and helps cover up other smells. i also buy<probably to excess> nice shower gel, lotion sets.. clean something foul with protective gear.. then clean off in something indulgent... smelling like a sweet pea or cherry blossom helps clean up some of the sense of being filthy and foul. it's part of my hoarding.. but it does help me stay up on top of things... using niceish things to clean with and clean myself up with... cleaners that smell good... 7th generation's cedar/citrus cleaner sprayed on cleared off surfaces, walk away and let it loosen stuff. come back wipe, repeat.. you can get alot of things clean without as much effort by spraying and letting it work.. less hands on time really helps me.. if the catboxes are that bad and you can afford to you might just bag em up, toss em and start over... if you can do it.. please allow yourself amnesty. regardless of anything else. people are thinking of you and with you in thought |
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Post by ramatama on Oct 19, 2008 9:52:21 GMT -5
Hola Mariposa, so glad you fluttered in again! i've read that you've been doing a few things since first posting. GREAT! I might be too far to send you a KITR, but i could send good  maybe they'll hit you in the right spot?  Some folks use the Listzilla for to-dos and ta-das. Want to try that to help you keep going? ----or just update on this thread you started. Maybe do what some have done here before, like IngaRae...remember? she posted everyday until she got the place to manageable state, Iguanamama did that with the bags she took out and others with similar ongoing, at first -insurmountable tasks. I don't know what to tell you about pets, but others have. It must make it all a greater effort if the critters are undoing what you get cleaned up...or taking up your resources- time and money- you cannot deal with any more. It is sad, but you know what's best.  As has been said before, we are here cheering for you. Let us know how it goes...  |
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Post by Moodle on Oct 19, 2008 11:51:19 GMT -5
((((Mariposa!!)))) So glad to see you!! I have thought about you so much and wondered how you were doing!!! No swift kicks today, but lots of understanding hugs instead!  |
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Post by heylady1 on Oct 19, 2008 17:05:46 GMT -5
I'm glad you're here Mariposa!! Sorry to hear about your husband passing away,  I know that would send me in a downward spiral too... I soooo understand about the whole "huge block of time in front of me, I can get so much done" way of thinking only to find that you don't do any of it, not one single thing you had planned out.  I do that all the time. Not good. Not good. And I understand too about the pets. Years ago I had a bunch of cats. People kept dumping them on me. And even though I was keeping up with them cleaning wise, food, vet bills, etc.... it was getting so overwhelming to me. I don't know what happened but it was like I hit a breaking point. That's when I gave every single cat away, either to friends, or friends of friends and a couple of them ended up going to the humane society (no kill shelter). I just felt I had to do this. I really felt I had no choice. I felt bad but at the same time I knew it was the right decision, not only for me and my family but for the cats too. It was a sad thing but sometimes you really don't have a choice. I'm a fan of using gloves and I'm also a fan of throw it out if it's too yucky to deal with!! Sometimes I read the WIT's thread - even if I don't post it always inspires me to get up and do something!! Heck, just reading about some of the progress people are making here gets me up and moving!! You can do this Mariposa!! |
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Post by threeg on Oct 19, 2008 18:40:01 GMT -5
Hey Mariposa! So glad to see you here. I totally understand your feeling unable to do things. I was the same way after my husband died. I also had a dog and 2 cats at that time, and one was old and partially incontinent. He was blind and missed the box or just peed ect, anywhere. The second cat just didn't want to go in the box. Partly because she was a pig, , and partly because she hated a dirty box, and I hated to clean it. Once I got on an antidepressant, I started to take better care of the box and my house, but it was still a high level 3 in many areas. I was PETRIFIED of anyone coming to see me! I say all that to say this....do a few things at a time. Wear gloves, a face mask, whatever it takes. I personally like working in threes, but whatever works for you is fine. As far as the cats go, maybe a no kill shelter would take 2 or 3? Pets are great for the elderly. Maybe some nice lady or man would want one? Especially since they are up to date with vet care and shots. Now that you're here, please post often. We have missed you. 3g |
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Marjieroze
New Member
Joined: September 2008
Posts: 66
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Post by Marjieroze on Oct 20, 2008 11:11:43 GMT -5
:-Xhugs and positive thoughts. i know how it is to feel so overwhelmed. that you don't even know how to begin. Keep trying, Mariposa!! you can't give up!
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No More Squalor
New Member
Breaking my dirty habits once and for all...
Joined: October 2008
Posts: 34
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Post by No More Squalor on Oct 21, 2008 6:28:50 GMT -5
I'm new here, and trying to get a handle on my own mess, but oh god, do I understand what you're feeling.
I look at my house and it seems so overwhelming--where do I start? And some tasks just seem like too much to handle right now; I get depressed merely thinking about doing them.
So I've decided just to do what I can do, even if it doesn't seeem like the most important task that needs doing, and even if it seems like a small thing in the face of such a mess. I look around, and the first task I identify that makes me think, "Hey, I can at least do that" is what I do. Yesterday, I cleaned months worth of old cat pee from the corner by the back door. Getting that done made me feel better, so I cleaned a year and a half's accumulated muck off the kitchen floor by the sink and stove (the rest of the kitchen floor's still grotty, but that nastiest bit is gone). The day before that, all I did was wipe clean the food-spattered oven door and clean the greasy, nasty stove knobs--it took me maybe 15 minutes, and it doesn't seem like much, and the rest of the kitchen's still a disaster--but it's done. I'm one step closer to a liveable kitchen.
I figure anything I do is progress at this point, so I'm trying to just do one thing every day, even if it doesn't seem like much. Eventually, the place will have to start looking better, and maybe the big, noxious, soul-sucking tasks won't seem so insurmountable. And I'd say clearing away one box of papers is as good a start as any.
I also understand how easy it is to feel overwhelmed by pets, especially when you're depressed and living amid chaos. I went from three cats to seven in the course of a year, by my own choice, and only realized after the fact that yes, there is such a thing as too many cats. I love them very much, and have managed to make the best of it, and their numbers are slowly dwindling. But there are definitely days when their messes just drive me insane, and I wonder what it would be like to have no cats. I can't imagine what it would be like to deal with dogs as well, as they are so much more needy than cats are.
ROFL. I know, right? What is it with that?
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