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Post by Perfect Mess on Nov 13, 2013 1:38:50 GMT -5
7 months ago, we lived in squalor. I knew something should be done, but I still did nothing. I was used to it and had no tangible motivation to change it. 6 months ago, we still lived in squalor. I knew something had to be done, but still did nothing. I don't know why I did nothing, I just knew that the reason started and ended somewhere in my mind. 5 months ago, we still lived in squalor. I knew something needed to be done, but still I did nothing. I stopped taking anti-depressants as a first feeble step towards change. I thought that if I could stop the weight gain, then I might feel more in control of my own body and of my life. 4 months ago, we still lived in squalor. I knew I hadn't done anything about it and I started to feel real anger over it. I also started to have mood swings, negative thoughts, and feelings of hopelessness in the evenings like clockwork. 3 months ago, we still lived in squalor. I knew I had to do something about it so I flipped off my feelings of embarrassment and spent $1k hiring people to come clean house for me because I couldn't (or wouldn't) do it myself. I also went on a personal campaign to battle my depression without medication. Real effort was made to feel good rather than passive attempts at not feeling bad. 2 months ago, we no longer lived in squalor. I knew I had done something about it and I felt empowered. But I didn't feel good. I started looking at the other parts of my life I had abandoned other than my house. 1 month ago, we still no longer lived in squalor. I knew my house was no longer bad for my family, but I also knew it was not good. I started to work on my (abandoned) side-business again and started to make sales. So far this month, we still no longer live in squalor. I know my house is no longer a health hazard, but I also know my house does nothing to improve my children's lives. It's a roof, walls, and a false sense of security. Nothing more. This is real tangible proof to me that my house is nothing but a reflection of the health of my mind. Something is wrong inside of me and everything in my life was (and is) showing it. It's not mental illness because I am still not taking anti-depressants and I feel better emotionally than I have in years. The mood swings I was having are gone and, for as long as I've kept making progress in my house or my business, the depression has not returned. I think that the key for me has been to look ahead and to strive for something better for my family, for me, and for my kids, and it started when I ditched my anti-depressant medication. I spent many months and years not believing that I had the power to make something good happen. That's what I lost when I "grew up"; the belief that I could make anything happen that I wanted to see happen. Wanting something to happen and believing you have the power to make it happen are two things that need to exist together. I had never stopped wanting but I had stopped believing in myself. So...... Later this month, we will still no longer be living in squalor. I will hang new curtains in my kids room and I will clear the junk off the kitchen table. We'll re-institute the taco-Wednesday tradition my kids love and we'll also celebrate Thanksgiving. Next month, we will still no longer be living in squalor. We will decorate for Christmas and I will clean the patio so that we can have our first barbecue in years. I will also hire someone to re-insulate the attic for us. In January, all visual reminders of the old squalor will be gone from my house. I will no longer be trying so hard not to live badly, but instead I will be so far in the positive that I won't be in such danger of slipping back into the negative. Staying positive will come easier. I keep reminding myself that it took 10 years to get here, 10 years to put on the weight, 10 years to lose my belief in myself, 10 years to forget how to function without medication. So it may take some time to get to where I want to be and bring my family with me. This thing is a journey. Getting negative over a perceived lack of speed in changing is counter-productive to the cause. So I no longer beat myself up because I still weigh more than 200 lbs or because clutter has formed in an area again. Instead, I *do* something to move forward and praise myself for it. Literally, that's what I've been doing. Before typing all this up, I mopped a 5' square patch of floor in the living room. That's real progress of the maintenance variety; something I'm still relearning how to do. I'm all rambled out now. If you read all this.... then, WOW!  |
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Post by CourageouslyLion SeeksSerenity on Nov 13, 2013 1:46:53 GMT -5
 Hi Perfect Mess, you bet I read every word! What an awesome update. I love this line: I will no longer be trying so hard not to live badly, but instead I will be so far in the positive that I won't be in such danger of slipping back into the negative. Staying positive will come easier. |
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Post by razy on Nov 13, 2013 3:34:23 GMT -5
Great to hear from you Perfect Mess!
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Post by puzzleqt on Nov 13, 2013 13:49:10 GMT -5
I also went on a personal campaign to battle my depression without medication. Real effort was made to feel good rather than passive attempts at not feeling bad. I loved this line. Real effort not passive! |
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Post by nifty50 on Nov 13, 2013 14:09:00 GMT -5
I read it all!  Great post -- thank you! Perfect, have you ever read about the work done by Stephen Ilardi? He believes depression is a "disease of civilization" and that it has its roots in our sedentary, indoor lifestyle (think cubicle workplaces). He has been running clinical studies on his form of therapy, which involves no pharmaceuticals, only increased exposure to things we've lost or decreased in our current lifestyle -- omega-3 fatty acids; "engaged activity" (to keep us from ruminating -- a big one for me!); physical activity/exercise; sunlight exposure; social support; adequate and uninterrupted sleep. One of my friends took part in one of the early studies and she expressed gratitude for it. He is still doing studies and collecting data but it looks pretty good so far. (I don't know if it's okay to post this -- please accept my apologies if it is not! Just thought I'd point out this line of research because it is non-drug-based, which seems to fit in with your wishes!) |
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Post by splendidcakes on Nov 13, 2013 15:02:25 GMT -5
I read it too! So eloquent-well done you!
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Post by joyinvirginia on Nov 13, 2013 16:49:24 GMT -5
Great you are feeling better and making progress! It is important you are happy with your decisions. Your plans for the upcoming months are very inspiring. Your timeline of your journey is great!
It is great that getting off medication was the right choice for you at this time. Everyone is different, and in my case I needed to be on antidepressant medication to have the energy and stable mood to make progress. I just want to mention this in case anyone is reading and thinks there is only one way to deal with depression or other mental health problems. there are many ways to deal with these problems, it is important to find the best choice for YOU.
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Post by sunshineshouse on Nov 13, 2013 19:12:14 GMT -5
perfectmess, those are some very fine ramblings :-)
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Post by Perfect Mess on Nov 13, 2013 20:30:01 GMT -5
Nifty50
No, I have never heard of him but I will be looking him up now because it sounds like his thoughts are in sync with what I've instinctively been striving to do for myself.
Joyinvirginia
There is no doubt that I needed the anti-depressants when I first started on them. I was going down a familiar slippery slope and I knew I needed the help to survive it. So I sought out a doctor to get back on them. That was about 5 or 6 years ago.
My old psychiatrist likes to compare depression to diabetes. She would say that an anti-depressant (like insulin) is just like any other medication designed to treat an illness. The problem with comparing depression with diabetes, however, is that it implies that depression is a *permanent* condition like diabetes tends to be. Granted, it is possible to take steps to prevent diabetes but, once you have it, odds are it will be an issue for you forever. Some people may need to an anti-depressant forever too, but I feel that this should be the exception, not the rule. In my case, I feel that taking anti-depressants was like putting on an emotional cast to fix my broken will to live my life. I no longer had to endure daily mood swings, feeling like everybody was "out to get me" which I felt a lot back then, and my brain stopped from constantly thinking such morbid thoughts. But after that bone heals, that cast needs to come off or new problems will arise. I think my emotional shock absorbers just started to atrophy from lack of use. I was too numb to my surroundings and maybe getting angry was just what I needed.
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Post by eagle on Nov 14, 2013 10:53:56 GMT -5
I read it all! Great post -- thank you! Perfect, have you ever read about the work done by Stephen Ilardi? He believes depression is a "disease of civilization" and that it has its roots in our sedentary, indoor lifestyle (think cubicle workplaces). He has been running clinical studies on his form of therapy, which involves no pharmaceuticals, only increased exposure to things we've lost or decreased in our current lifestyle -- omega-3 fatty acids; "engaged activity" (to keep us from ruminating -- a big one for me!); physical activity/exercise; sunlight exposure; social support; adequate and uninterrupted sleep. One of my friends took part in one of the early studies and she expressed gratitude for it. He is still doing studies and collecting data but it looks pretty good so far. (I don't know if it's okay to post this -- please accept my apologies if it is not! Just thought I'd point out this line of research because it is non-drug-based, which seems to fit in with your wishes!) Thank you for posting this, Nifty50. My personal experience with depression (diagnosed by a psychiatrist at the time as major depression) supports Stephen Ilardi's work, in my opinion. There was probably a bit more to it than just 'civilization' because I was also an active alcoholic, and we know alcohol is a depressant, for many years prior to my sobriety. But there were also many of the external factors present, like sleep deprivation, which for me went hand in hand with an unhealthy diet. But I was one of those folks who did not want to be on medication and was treated with talk therapy and all the rest of rest of what you listed became an active part of my life during that timeframe. The result was that by the time I was ready to consider medication my therapist felt that I had progressed so well that I no longer needed it and with ongoing treatment my depression resolved. It has also never returned. In my opinion the treatment, which continued for 7 years, was among the most beneficial times of my life. This may not be the most reasonable option for everyone (it was very costly even with my then excellent health insurance), but for me it was the best thing that could have happened. Nifty50 No, I have never heard of him but I will be looking him up now because it sounds like his thoughts are in sync with what I've instinctively been striving to do for myself. Joyinvirginia There is no doubt that I needed the anti-depressants when I first started on them. I was going down a familiar slippery slope and I knew I needed the help to survive it. So I sought out a doctor to get back on them. That was about 5 or 6 years ago. My old psychiatrist likes to compare depression to diabetes. She would say that an anti-depressant (like insulin) is just like any other medication designed to treat an illness. The problem with comparing depression with diabetes, however, is that it implies that depression is a *permanent* condition like diabetes tends to be. Granted, it is possible to take steps to prevent diabetes but, once you have it, odds are it will be an issue for you forever. Some people may need to an anti-depressant forever too, but I feel that this should be the exception, not the rule. In my case, I feel that taking anti-depressants was like putting on an emotional cast to fix my broken will to live my life. I no longer had to endure daily mood swings, feeling like everybody was "out to get me" which I felt a lot back then, and my brain stopped from constantly thinking such morbid thoughts. But after that bone heals, that cast needs to come off or new problems will arise. I think my emotional shock absorbers just started to atrophy from lack of use. I was too numb to my surroundings and maybe getting angry was just what I needed.
I hear what you are saying about comparing depression to diabetes, which often is controlled with medication. But diabetes can also be well controlled (and in many cases prevented) with proper diet and a healthy lifestyle without the use of any medication, so there is that other side of the coin, which in my opinion makes it an illogical choice to use when comparing depression to another disease 'needing' medication. I'd say this to any doctor at any given time because they're educated in the facts of what causes diabetes, which is one reason they're always telling patients to lose weight, exercise and eat right.
Also in my nursing career I saw so many complications and undesirable side effects from so many medications that I really am happy that there are ways to treat many illnesses that don't require the 'go-to' drug approach. Granted, I absolutely do and will take antibiotics when I have an infection. And of course if necessary I would have used an anti-depressant medication if the other methods did not effectively progress toward healing, but I did not have to because my medical team worked with me to heal me without it with the caveat that 'if all else fails' then I would consider it after trying the other course. For me this worked. Like I said above, it is not for everyone.
I absolutely believe that with some people, me in particular, and other people I have known and worked closely with (in my AA experience we tend to work closely with others) who had 'messed up houses' and 'messed up minds' that the house can and often is a mirror of the (health of the) mind. I saw that in myself and I saw it in other people again and again. Of course that is not to say that every person in squalor has a mental illness because I don't believe that either. There are cases where other factors bring them to that end, for example, physical illness can also be a factor.
Your positive and pro-active approach is fabulous. Believe in yourself, PM. I believe in you.
If you are interested in Stephen Ilardi, here is a youtube video of one of his lectures. It's long but the title is Therapeutic Lifestyle Change for Depression:
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Post by Layla on Nov 21, 2013 1:34:21 GMT -5
PerfectMess, I agree with you that its a reflection of the state of our mind. I had been living under some very stressful circumstances for a long period of time. It was my way of coping, to shop and bring home more and more. I felt surrounded by things that didnt "hurt" me and made me smile and feel cozy, even though the other half of me was overwhelmed and frustrated by it. I was just watching a message today by Joyce Meyer, I thought of you when I read this thread so I wanted to share it with you. She has oodles of messages online if you scroll down the page and I just play them while I work in my house, they are nothing but uplifting and challenging for the mind! Hope the message can help you also, your on the right path, dont forget to nurture your Spiritual side and your soul so you can protect your mental health. ::::Sending Hugs:::: www.joycemeyer.org/BroadcastHome.aspx?video=Addictive_Behavior_%E2%80%93_Pt_2 |
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Post by rededen on Nov 21, 2013 5:55:47 GMT -5
What a delightful post !! In many cases, the state of the house is often a reflection of the state of the person's mind. I am generalising here, but in my journey to stop being a messie - I have managed to stop being a hoarder- I realised that if I wasn't feeling good about a great many things, then the state of the house was a reflection of this.
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Post by Fivecat on Nov 21, 2013 23:22:54 GMT -5
excellent post! so well written! one of the best things i.ve ever read here!!!!! thanks!
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Post by Jannie on Nov 23, 2013 7:51:00 GMT -5
All I can say is, you did great getting rid of the squalor! It must have given you great pleasure and courage to see how far you've come! And congrats on getting rid of your depression without medication! I love your attitude, that you will remain out of squalor in the future! Don't think this is "false security" for your children. This is very real!
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Post by def6 on Nov 24, 2013 21:48:15 GMT -5
This is really terrific Perfect Mess. Wishing you continued success!
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