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Post by BetsyMarie on Mar 8, 2014 0:16:28 GMT -5
I think this thread is a great reminder of reality. We get so used to seeing our own stuff, but are shocked when we see the similar things in others' houses. When I used to watch 'Hoarders' I just couldn't imagine living that way and thought 'why can't they just start to clean it up?'. Yet I myself lived in a home that was very bad - and wasn't decluttering. It was just too overwhelming.
When our house was really bad, whenever I would leave home, it crossed my mind that if something happened when we were out (car wreck or something), someone else would come in and have to deal with it. That used to cause great anxiety in me. But now, after a few serious decluttering episodes the past few years, and more recently working like a mad woman (hours almost daily) to clear and clean the house for the past 3+ months, there are enough parts of it that look very nice to be considered 'normal'. While there are still a few rooms that 'suffer greatly', it's nowhere near as bad as before. I no longer feel the same angst when leaving home. It is if a great weight has been lifted. And I'm not even done. Still months more to go.
As a hoarder, I always thought someday the house would be cleared out and cleaned. But that just never happened on it's own. To the contrary, it kept getting worse till we hit goat paths in 15 rooms, and literal 'stuff' gridlock. If you are an actual hoarder instead of a generic 'messy', digging out will take time and effort. But what is the alternative? To live like this forever?
I am not a spring chicken and would guess I'm older than most people here. 'Clean' won't happen on it's own. For me it's now or never, and when it gets clean, I want a good chunk of time to enjoy it. I've lived like this for far too long.
Slow and steady wins the race.
Dragon, thank you so very much for sharing your story - all of it.
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Post by catcat on Mar 8, 2014 2:36:58 GMT -5
dd---For the last 2 days, after reading your inspirational post, I have been tossing old, stained, falling apart books that belonged to my deceased MIL's first husband who died when he was about 22. These were his school books from childhood. I kept a few small ones in better condition. I also tossed some of my own childhood books---not good enough to donate, too old--& allowed myself to keep about 5 favorites.
I shredded about 3 kitchen bags of ancient income tax papers-from sixties, seventies & early eighties. Also receipts from almost every piece of furniture or appliance that DH & I ever bought. All of this stuff was in the attic. I did save the one for our first new car---a 1964 VW bus & the one for ALL of our furniture bought in one glorious night a month before we married, about 60 yrs. ago. Just for sentiment. I gave my youngest a bill for my admission to have her
born, which she was thrilled to have. I ended up getting rid of papers that could have made a huge bonfire.
Also pitched were various sundries, small decorative things no longer wanted---why did I ever want them ? I can't say the attic is way better, but then I remind myself how much went out in 2 days & I have hope. ALL because of your original post. I have been getting rid of stuff before for a while, but this was very much to do in 2 days. I also was cooking dinners & cleaning up, & doing a little laundry. I am tired but happy about it.
Thank you again.
Love, catcat
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Post by catcat on Mar 8, 2014 22:42:56 GMT -5
As reported in another thread, I took 2 old boxes from attic to LR & sorted them, throwing much away. I kept the paper that had 3 little curls taped onto it with the notation"DD-3 years old."---I reread all the letters & cards, kept a few, pitched many, & ended up with a large trash bag which promptly went out. Had to vacuum LR then & kept on with DR, hall & kitchen. I don't have a huge house.
I regret one thing torn & pitched---a letter from my beloved "Allie," who was my Dad's mother. I do, however, have a card signed by her, in another location, recently purged. Soon, I hope to get like things with like, but am trying to toss a lot before that. I have worked so hard all week & am very tired but everything out is something my kids won't have to handle when I am no longer here. I so hope that isn't real soon as I would like some time to enjoy this place when the clutter is reduced a lot !
Hugs, catcat
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Post by catcat on Mar 8, 2014 22:44:57 GMT -5
Could this thread be bumped up so it shows for a while ?
catcat
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Post by dairy2mama on Mar 8, 2014 23:21:10 GMT -5
Thank you for sharing. You are an inspiration. I too am trying to move forward. Very hard, very time consuming, very emtionally draining, but I'm moving forward one step at a time-trying very hard not to go backwards.
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Post by disorganizeddragon on Mar 9, 2014 1:35:16 GMT -5
Once again, I want to thank everyone for their kind and supportive posts. It was my hope that others would somehow benefit from my experiences, so I'm glad to know if this thread has inspired anyone in a positive way. This thread was never about making people feel guilty, even though everyone has different reactions to whatever topic is being discussed. This thread, at least for me, has always been about the memories and legacies we leave behind and how each one of us deserve to be remembered for so much more than just the stuff we have accumulated in our homes. I was appalled how much my memories of a truly good man began to be colored by the act of cleaning up what he left behind. My anger at being put in that position began to make it increasingly difficult to remember all the wonderful things about him, the things I desperately wanted to remember. I wanted to remember the man, not his mess. He deserved more than that, I know I deserve more than that, and so does everyone else on this board. But like it or not, what we do--or don't do--today about the clutter in our homes may affect how we are remembered tomorrow. I now realize how cavalier I've been about all the junk in my apartment. I always thought all my useless belongings would just be chucked in the bin and that would be that. I never took the time to think about how having to do the work to remove the stuff might affect the folks doing it, and in return, how it might affect their memories of me. Why on earth did I assume it would be so easy? Did I think they'd just snap their fingers, it'd all disappear, and then they'd skip off into the sunset, talking about what an awesome person I was? I honestly don't know what I thought, but I can tell you that's not how it works. If you leave a huge mess for someone else to sort thru and clean up, that is what they'll probably remember the most--and no one should ever be remembered that way. catcat, I am thrilled that you have taken the time to report on all the hard work you've done and all that you've accomplished. The papers you've kept sound as if they are filled with so many terrific stories you'll be able to share with your children and grandchildren, stories they can continue to tell for many years to come. Those are the kind of memories I want to leave behind, not boxes full of receipts and dead spiders and heaven-only-knows-what-else. I hope you'll continue to post your progress here--you're a great role model. It helps to listen to those who have naturally acquired various things from living such full lives, and to hear about what items they are choosing to keep or to let go. Once again, thank you for all the support. All I've ever wanted for anyone to take away from this thread is this: You are not your stuff. Aim to be remembered for more than the things you leave behind because no inanimate object will ever be as valuable as you were as a person. |
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Post by Deleted on Mar 9, 2014 18:58:38 GMT -5
disorganizeddragon, thank you so much for this post. It is something I've been thinking about, but your words helped me to visualize why I want to change my home environment. I am also turning 50 this year. Due to financial circumstances, there is not a lot of money or possessions of value that I could leave to my family if something happened to me. But what I can leave them is a clean and orderly house-- one that will be easy to clean out and sell. One where the keepsakes, photos, and heirlooms will be easy to locate and remove, for the people who want a memento. I won't get all the clutter cleared out before my birthday, but I have started and I want this to be the year that I get it done! 
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Post by catcat on Mar 10, 2014 23:28:37 GMT -5
Two big , heavy trash bags out to the trash. From attic again. It doesn't look a bit better though because all of this stuff was in blue Rubbermaid bins & they are still holding a little. I threw out patterns from doll clothes that I had used for my DD2's dolls when she was about 10 or 11. Now 45. Also pattern for her First Communion dress, size 6.Knitting books for things pretty much out of style & little bits of sewing "findings." I laugh at myself for having never thrown these things out when they are so old. I don't acquire much; I just have kept things from every period & interest of my life.  , . The attic still doesn't look much better after quite a bit of work. However, everything I pitch or donate, is something my kids won't have to do. The trash men will not be thrilled with me this Thursday. catcat |
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Post by Serendipity on Mar 11, 2014 2:58:21 GMT -5
Catcat. Before you know it the attic will start to look emptier. Good work getting so much out and sorting through so much stuff
Dragoness. Thank you for thread. All I hsave to do is read the title and I remember what I need to do. I was almost hit by I speeder going through a very red light. Not just turned but had been red for a few seconds and I missed being hit by about ten seconds. They were going very fast. I think I would have been very badly injured or killed and my son was with me also. Things can change so quickly and noone could do this for me. I truly don't know what would happen if I don't do this. Thank you for being you! Thanks for this and for quotes and ahoy mateys!
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Post by Celeste on Mar 16, 2014 13:12:23 GMT -5
This topic reminds me a great deal of the thread purple57 posted after her sister threeg passed away. It is interesting because we have BOTH Purple's and Threeg's take on the same situation, and they are remarkably similar. It does provoke much thought, doesn't it? |
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Post by maggie on Mar 16, 2014 21:22:05 GMT -5
In addition to thinking about what I will leave behind, I also think about how my children will remember their childhoods. It's not actually fabulous -- not fun filled days of crafts and games and learning life skills, but days of using electronics because that's what's accessible and every once in a while me blowing up and being mad at them about the mess.
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Post by puppybox on Mar 17, 2014 0:34:05 GMT -5
Maggie does that motivate you thru fear to get into gear? or does it make you depressed and tired? I hope the former, but if its the latter then remember to start your real life NOW and not wait for the house to be clean first. No one is perfect and we can't wait to be perfect before we start living the way we want. (but also schedule some time for decluttering).
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Post by GuitarStrings on Mar 17, 2014 18:40:25 GMT -5
This speaks to me on a number of different levels. My mom passed away several years ago, leaving LOTS of stuff. The house wasn't disastrous while I was growing up...we had happy clutter but the dishes and laundry were done regularly. When Mom worked full time she had a weekly housekeeper. Still, her favorite activity was shopping. Drawers and closets were packed, as well as the basement. We inherited stuff from my grandma and an aunt, too. And Mom kept shopping.
My aunt's good china is packed away in the basement. Why? No one is using or enjoying it. There are boxes and drawers full of unused kitchen utensils and gadgets, clothing, you name it. My mom collected numerous cookbooks, entire sets of them. She bought two kinds of decorative plates every year, one china and one carved wood. A few were on the walls but most are in a closet. She was going to stop buying them at one point but Dad said, they're an investment, so she continued. Recently my Dad mentioned giving me some of the plates. I checked on Ebay and these plates are only selling for a few dollars a piece, a fraction of what Mom paid decades ago, not even counting inflation!!!
My mom was a warm, loving, generous person. She grew up very poor, so when she was an adult and had money, she loved spending it. She bought many gifts for others, too, but...I am still having to deal with her shopping habit years later. I don't live near my dad so I have to slowly chip away at it.
I think about my own stuff and what my kids would have to do if something happens to me. I don't want to put an extra burden on them ever, if I can prevent it. I don't want my life NOW to be filled with stuff either. I'm looking at things through a different lens because of this thread, and the experience of dealing with Mom's clutter. That's all those decorative plates ended up being. Expensive clutter. Sigh.
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traveller
New Member
Joined: June 2014
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Post by traveller on Jun 5, 2014 5:42:12 GMT -5
Dear Disorganizeddragon, it hit me. Thank You for writing and posting this. After reading this yesterday, I could see like a movie inside of me how somewhere in the future my dear son stands in my appartement, overwhelmed by my stuff.  I don't want him to endure such a misery, I love him too much. This morning, I looked around and it was like I had a kind of new eyes or something. I see so much trash, things from a hurtful past, useless dustcatchers, clothes that don't fit me anymore and what else.... And under all this stuff are some treasures buried. I can't stand it anymore.  So, I called a handyman (I need help to move out the rubbish because of physical problems and I need someone with a car to drive the old stuff to the dump where workers sort out metal and other stuff). He will call back as soon as he get hold of a lady who would like to "save"  some of my stuff. Out it has to go. I don't want to live like this anymore. And with calling this handyman I jumped into the water. Now I have to swim. Thank You,  Disorganizeddragon, for kicking me in the right direction. |
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Post by ponygirl on Jun 11, 2014 10:33:44 GMT -5
Yes; all of this is very true...and I've said this many times in my blog and elsewhere...death is coming for all of us...and if we want to be free and not leave our hoards for someone else to handle...the time to act is now. I'm no spring chicken either, and death has been on my mind for years...especially since my Mom died and all of her things were there waiting for us to sort (and most of them still are...). I am burdened by that now...on top of working through my own hoard. I do not want to leave my 'stuff' for someone else to toss into a dumpster. I should be the one to make those decisions...and I am.
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