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Post by aquamarine on Mar 25, 2014 4:06:57 GMT -5
from dtesposito: "Do your parents work outside the house? If not, do they go out on a regular basis? Because you can also make a game of getting the garbage out. Wait until they're not home, and then take out what you've collected. Even if they're home a lot, you can fill small grocery size bags and hide them in a huge plastic tote bag or something, and still take them out. "
This is excellent advice - a shopping bag on wheels would be useful too.
Many people have said that they are afraid to take a lot of rubbish out as they might attract the wrong sort of attention. There are many ways around this, but they are mainly for people who live in towns. There are many public bins in the streets, so dropping a few small bags here and there when you go out is not a problem: in the UK we have paid for them via Council Tax so we might as well use them.
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Post by joyinvirginia on Mar 25, 2014 14:45:54 GMT -5
Hi Emmy! Welcome!
Even people with the cleanest houses get mice! The little critters come in when it is cold! they can get in thru the smallest crack.
Congrats that you know you have a problem. Do you have a window in your room? I was thinking you could bag up small grocery bags of trash and just chuck them outside. Anyway, don't sort or worry about recycling, unless your trash must be separated. start small and one day you will see the piles get smaller!
PS I am the kind of mom that would have been in your room every week or two to pick up trash because that's what teenagers do and that's what moms do! my older dd has her own house now, and she has to empty the trash now!
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Post by Di on Mar 25, 2014 15:01:39 GMT -5
We have a mouse (I am calling it a mouse even thought I know that it's really a rat) There are 3 wimps living here. We have all 3 done the scream and run thing. Now he's been here so long that Kiddo named him. We want him gone but as none of us can deal with dead rodents we seem to have adopted a mutual state of ignoring. We even have a cat and a Yorkie but both are Epic Failures when it comes to evicting "Sparkle". I know that I have no helpful advise for you but I thought that maybe I could make you smile  I hope you do a better job of getting rid of your mice than we have managed with our ratty. BTW, the kitchen here (where he lives under the fridge) is clean. We happen to live in a neighborhood that is surrounded by rural agricultural fields. Mice and rats are just one of the joys that comes with the territory. At least the snakes that thrive in the area don't generally get into the homes. But I have taken photos of some very healthy rattlers that live in the neighborhood's vacant lots. Keeping things clean doesn't always mean that you can avoid critters. |
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Post by gottaproblem on Mar 25, 2014 16:09:56 GMT -5
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Post by papermoon on Mar 25, 2014 16:19:32 GMT -5
Emmy, I hope you're not overwhelmed by our posts.
Even if you haven't been able to do a thing yet, please come back and check in so we know you're there, ok?
We care about you.
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Post by rededen on Mar 26, 2014 0:22:42 GMT -5
Emmy welcome. Darl, you're not alone. There are very many more people in the world like you than you would believe. First step is to start believing in yourself that you are a worthy person. You are a worthy person. We all have 'those' kind of days where the house is a total bomb site and we all get down and feel blue. Sometimes these days last longer then we'd like, let me tell you  Let me tell you the story of my friend Fiona. I worked with her many years ago and she, like you was very overweight. Now an interesting thing happened one day. We (were I was working) had a large two day conference and at the end of day one there were these yummy things to eat left over in the office. The staff that weren't involved with the conference were allowed to eat the left overs, and there were lots. Talk about over catering! I happened to make the comment that Fiona was fat and I immediately got shouted down by many people. Quite a few men said she's not fat she's gorgeous. Why? Because she believed in herself. At first I found her intimidating because she dressed so beautifully. She looked fabulous. She never had chipped nail polish; the heals of her shoes were never worn down; her jewellery was tasteful, her makeup always looked fresh, her hair was always clean and nicely done and her clothes fitted well. But she was only about 5 foot 3 inches in height and although we Aussies would have said she was about as broad as she was tall I think you get the idea here. We were sitting together in the staff room one afternoon only the two of us. I didn't know her very well then. There was some left over chocolate cake there. We both looked at it and cut ourselves a slice. She looked at me and said 'I shouldn't really eat this - I should lose some weight'. But it's cake, I said! You gotta have cake. Aussies like cake. That broke the ice and we both laughed. She had been shopping that particular lunchtime and bought a scarf. She took it out of its bag and showed me. 'What do you think?'. It was a beautiful long silk scarf. Brightly coloured. I said I thought it was fabulous. Her comment then was "I'm not sure it's me". So we had a discussion about scarves. Now why do I tell you this story? Because people took the attitude to her that she took to herself. I got to know her very well and she had trauma in her private life but she didn't tell people and had learnt that to the outside world, if she presented a positive and I'm-a-worthwhile-person attitude, the world would in turn be positive towards her. She attracted positiveness. Had it been easy for her? Not on your life. We're still friends btw. She also had to learn to set boundaries. Her former partner had been abusive. He was always putting her down. So she got the courage to leave. She told me one day she'd had enough. She told him if he couldn't say anything nice then don't say anything at all and she added that she had made the decision to leave him. For him it was a loss of control, for her the beginning of a new life. So it doesn't matter how fat or thin you are; how short or tall; YOU need to start believing in YOU. OK so you don't look like that model in that fashion magazine. 99% of people don't and Photoshop is a great product! Start with something small and give yourself a victory. It's better to do a tiny task and complete it and feel great rather than set yourself a bigger task and then not complete it in the time you'd like to. Take one bag of rubbish (trash in USA language!!) out to the rubbish bin. We don't call them trash cans! One bag will come two; two will be three. And if you worry about what the neighbours will think; guess what? Very very few people worry about others. Most people worry about themselves. Gosh I have been rambling. Hugz, Darl, Hugz.  |
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emmy
New Member
Joined: January 2014
Posts: 23 
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Post by emmy on Mar 26, 2014 3:57:04 GMT -5
Hi, everyone!
I'm SO sorry that I haven't posted in a few days. Things have been really difficult for me to say the least, especially with work, my emotions, and of course my mess.
But I'm back now and I am so incredibly touched at all your nice comments of support and suggestions. I really am overwhelmed by it (in a good way!) I had NO idea that there were people even close to being like me, struggling with this. It really makes me feel a tiny (very tiny but at least it's something!) bit better about my situation. I read through some of the success stories and I found myself desperately hoping that I could feel that feeling one day of being "free" of my mess. I know it's not going to be easy, I know it won't happen overnight, and I can't promise I won't mess up or get upset but I am SO ready to clean up!
My main issue is just becoming overwhelmed. I have probably close to 20 or so filled big trash bags in my room underneath all the loose trash. Those were from my past "panic cleaning" attacks. I seem to let myself stew and stew day after day and get to the point where I become SO panicked and scared, I start throwing things into bags, frantically. But then, sometimes maybe 30 or so minutes later when I notice that I have 3 FULL bags of those 30 gallon trash bags (our city makes us buy trash bags and they come pick the bags up) and I see what LITTLE dent I've made, I get so overwhelmed and completely give up. Those times I feel my worst, when I feel so hopeless and helpless. My spurts of cleaning hurt me more than help, because I try to take on the entire task, and look at the big picture instead of the little things. I'm trying to change my mindset. I used to think "What would one small bag even do!? There's no point cause I'll never get everything thrown out." I want to think "Okay maybe I only filled a grocery bag today or even a big trash bag, but I didn't add to my mess."
I'm going to try the 40 bags challenge, even though it's already started. I can start my own challenge too right? I just love your guys' advices about how to start. I am feeling so grateful towards you all I just want to give you a huge hug because you all deserve so much love and I have no idea how to express my gratitude. You embraced me. This was my first time admitting my problem to ANYONE and you all just welcomed me so nicely and gave me so many ideas on how to start and clean. I know I'm going on and on, but you have no idea how much I appreciate it. When you've been living like me, and having even one person, let alone many, who understands you and who wants to help you. I think not everyone in this world can understand what I (we) struggle with. But it's so great to see a website like this for such support. The world needs many more people like this.
I'm going to admit. I haven't cleaned at all since I made my initial post. Between work (I work 12am-8:30am at home), trying to sleep (insomnia most likely from stress), and trying to find a therapist, most of my free time has been spent procrastinating and worrying and obsessing. I saw a mouse today in my living room. It ran in the middle of the floor. We have bait set up right around there though. You might find this weird or dumb but I made myself stare at it. I wanted to reassure myself that I can clean up and not be SO afraid, because really what have they ever done to harm me personally? Of course I want them gone, but I wanted to try and overcome my fears. To be honest, I think I might be using this "fear" along with other serious issues as an excuses to not clean.
Tonight is my last night of work before I have 2 whole days off. I'm going to start at the top of the piles. I'm going to get some heavy duty gloves, I already have bags ready. I hope and pray I can at least fill something before I get overwhelmed. I'm going to try chat I think, or the Working in Threes. I'm still in the process of exploring the site, so pardon me if I make a mistake somewhere or miss something. When I made my introduction post I was in a huge panic and so ANGRY at my mess that I needed to get it out or I would explode. I've started reading through, and I think I'll read through more during my cleaning breaks.
I'm so scared that I'll start and give up like always, but I've never had support before at all, so I have so much hope that being here and being able to express myself will help.
I had a dream last night, one which happens very often, that I walked into my room and it was clean. I walked over to my dresser and looked at myself in the mirror and smiled. This dream happens very often. Lots of people dream of money, fame, cars, houses, but all I dream of is a clean room! (haha)
My room isn't very large, but it's large enough. There's only a tiny amount of floor space I can use to move to my bed right now, as the entire floor is covered in piles. Even still, I have to maneuver myself around to get to my bed. I think I'm going to start there, in front of my bed. I have no idea where I'm going to store the filled bags as I fill them, because there's no room. I guess I'll just put them on top of the other piles for now, then as I throw them out and clean I can rearrange them.
I really like the idea of filling up smaller waste bins and sneaking them into my normal family trash can. Anything helps right? My dad works a lot but my mom stays at home, so I'll need to be sneaky for now. Whenever they leave I'll make a game to see how much I can take out. I can also take bags out during the night for the weekly trash collection.
Right now those are my plans. They are very loose plans, because all of my previous plans have failed miserably. But I promise you, I am READY. I have never been more ready in my life to get rid of my mess.
I hope you all are doing well too, in whatever sort of goals you're trying for, and congratulations for you all who aren't giving up, even when life seems too hard.
You are all an inspiration to me. Wish me luck!
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Post by lizzie on Mar 26, 2014 4:20:27 GMT -5
Good luck Emmy! If you use little bags you can count more of them - sometimes that is surprisingly motivating!
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Post by aquamarine on Mar 26, 2014 6:54:31 GMT -5
Gloves are a good idea, and so is a paper mask if you can get one. Damp paper towels can be used to scoop up perishable rubbish just to start with.
Looking at the total picture is unwise: just think about filling bags and getting them out.
You deserve to live in comfort and cleanliness. Many other people on here have dug themselves out of whole houses of stuff.
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Post by aquamarine on Mar 26, 2014 6:57:56 GMT -5
Most Americans seem to have cars - what about you? I am asking because I have seen posters who fill their cars with bags and take them to a dumping centre. It is best to fill a few bags and get them out, rather than trying to bag everything first. That way you can check that you are not throwing anything important away. Also, stop bringing in anything more that you don't need. Keep up to date with current rubbish while dealing with the past.
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emmy
New Member
Joined: January 2014
Posts: 23
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Post by emmy on Mar 26, 2014 7:22:59 GMT -5
Most Americans seem to have cars - what about you? I am asking because I have seen posters who fill their cars with bags and take them to a dumping centre. It is best to fill a few bags and get them out, rather than trying to bag everything first. That way you can check that you are not throwing anything important away. Also, stop bringing in anything more that you don't need. Keep up to date with current rubbish while dealing with the past. That's actually a really great idea, aquamarine! I do have a car, it's a Ford EDGE, so it doesn't really have a trunk, just a hatch. But all the seats in the back fold down too...Lots of room for stuffing in bags to take them away. I'm looking to my local dumping center, which is about a 2 or 3 minute drive from my house. It's nice to meet you |
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Post by aquamarine on Mar 26, 2014 8:00:33 GMT -5
One of the best things about this site is that it is full of tips that we perhaps would never have thought of, although they seem obvious now: "why didn't I think of that!" If you can drive around, you may be able to drop off a few small bags here and there. There is nothing like getting unwanted things out of the way. It is even better if you were going out anyway.
It is important not to give too much personal information, but it helps to know whether people live in a town as usually there are more options and you don't need to drive for 1,000 miles to dispose of stuff!
You can get very cheap, disposable paper overalls and plastic goggles for next to nothing. These might help to protect you.
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Post by aquamarine on Mar 26, 2014 8:01:55 GMT -5
"I'm completely fed up with living like this, to the point where I'm actually really angry about my mess."
That is good to hear: it will give you the impetus to start doing something about it!
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Post by aa on Mar 26, 2014 8:19:30 GMT -5
When my bedroom got to its worst point and I really started trying to get rid of the trash, I found it hard to get motivated when I just took things off the top. It didn't look that much different and was a bit depressing. I had better success when I chose an area and cleaned it until it was bare floor showing. It might be a small area, but mentally, it made a difference because I could actually see the progress.
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Post by Arid on Mar 26, 2014 13:44:28 GMT -5
I, too, encourage you to discard small bags as often as possible. Don't worry about filling huge trash bags completely full! Those will be much harder to "sneak" out of the house (assuming you are in "sneak-mode," that is!). It's just like the advice that we give people who are tackling a "Mt. Washme" of dirty laundry. Do ONE load all the way from start to finish. That means: sort the laundry (if you are the sort who does this; not everyone does, and it is NOT mandatory!  !); wash the load of laundry; dry the load of laundry; and--perhaps the most important thing of all--PUT IT AWAY!! No more leaving piles and piles of clean laundry sitting around to get walked on by people, peed on by pets, thrown around by people looking for a specific item, etc. In your case, the scenario would be as follows: fill a small plastic grocery bag with GARBAGE. Take the small bag OUT OF THE HOUSE right away!! You can add it to your parents' usual trash; you can take it to an outside garbage can; you can put it in your car to take it to another disposal site; whatever . . . HOWEVER, in my "humble" (yeah; right!) opinion, you will be doing yourself a BIG favor if you break the habit of just piling filled trash bags on top of filled trash bags. That habit alone has gone a long way to contribute to the situation in which you find yourself. You can do this emmy! We're all cheering for you!! Arid |
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