Terrified, Desperate, and Overwhelmed Mar 30, 2014 10:13:27 GMT -5 Blackswan, grasshopper, and 2 more like this Quote Select PostDeselect PostLink to PostBack to Top Post by OnTheMend on Mar 30, 2014 10:13:27 GMT -5 Mar 30, 2014 8:48:27 GMT -5 emmy said:I can see my floor! <snip>I was able to take 8 bags out and dump them. I felt nice for a while and then the anxiety and guilt kicked in. <snip>Do you guys have any tips on hyping yourself up or even helping ease the guilt feeling? I know it's not an easy thing. Just wondering what you do to reward yourself. To reward myself I left my room for a while, to take a break from the mess. I've found that I really enjoy clean spaces now. <snip>I'm trying to take baby steps. I'm starting to feel discouraged again but <snip> I have hope! <snip> She [my mother] used to be one of those "I don't understand how you can live like this." Or "This is so disgusting. You're living like a pig." <snip>I honestly would love nothing more than "to just clean up." But that's SO much easier said than done. I wish it was easier. I really feel lost. Sorry about rambling on. <snip>Anyway, I'm really down in the dumps today <snip> Hopefully I'll get a spark and try to work for a few minutes at a time. Thanks for reading.Great work emmy! 8 bags out AND some visible floor! You are not rambling, you are doing important inner work, which is manifesting in your outer surroundings too. Keep writing and keep taking action! Can you elabore more about what the anxiety and guilt is about? That might help us to give better suggestions and share success stories.I am familiar with anxiety, I get it from paperwork and running important errands and from social situations. I'm also familiar with depression, but have been healing from it - and I guess also from anxiety - in the resent years. One thought that has helped me with my anxiety was the realization that anxiety is just a feeling (though often not something that a person can just snap out of, same like depression, but it's a feeling never the less). Lavendar essetial oil helped a lot, as well as making the anxiety causing work as pleasant as possible and promising myself I'll only have to do x minutes of it. (I also asked for anti-anxiety medication during a very difficult time of my life, and got precription for 1 package, which I used very thoughtfully and sparingly only on my worst days when I had to work on important, timesensitive paperwork.)I hype myself up by visiting these forums, sometimes just reading, sometimes writing. This place always helps me keep focused and gives hope and motivation. Participating into the different threads and challenges here on these forums is great way to get started (or continue!)I also like doing lists, sometimes more frequently and/or long and detailed, sometimes less so. It is motivating to be able to check items done, there is a sense of visible progress then. "Ta Da! Look what I have done!"Talking about lists: I have noticed that if something feels too difficult or if I have inner resistance towards something, or otherwise from unknown reasons can't seem to start something, it usually means I am overwhelmed. And that means I have not broken a job into small enough steps. Not having broken the job in small enough steps usually means I am not quite sure how to do it, the job sort of feels like a blob where I can't take hold of or see it clearly. In these cases I'll have to sit down and make a list. Start writing, start adding steps, breaking the big Thing into small, manageable chunks... untill the job/project begins to open up to you and you begin to see how you could proceed and what needs to be done, what would be the next logical step or two. Sometimes I need microscopically small steps, sometime I manage pretty large steps, it changes with the type of project at hand and how I am feeling and if there is a time scrunch, etc. ETA. When I get to the point where I can begin to see how the big blob consist of many small steps, I usually get over my overwhelmed feeling and gain both mental clarity and a "map" to start tackling the big project.Timer helps me too, they keep things manageable and trick me to get up and do something. Currently I am using a method called Pomodoro, where you work for 25 minutes sessions. But many times, and especially in the beginning, shorter session were the way to go: you can often do surprisingly lot in 5 minutes. It's also helpful sometimes to use stopwatch to really see how long something takes, for example we might dread filling dishwasher up, because it feels so big a job, but when we time ourselves it's usually takes just few minutes. This helps to reframe our perception of time and our attitude towards it.I also use positive affirmations and motivational quotes to encourage myself and as a memory joggers. ("Just Do It!", "Stow as you go!", "I think I can, I think I can!", "If it takes less that 30 seconds, do it now!", "Great work, self!") It's very good that you are enjoying clean spaces, maybe create a motivational visual that you could get energy from? I set myself goals, and make plans to get me there. This is not natural to me and I am still learning, but starting this has exploded my productivity manyfolds! I started with small things and slowly moved to bigger goals - I still set both small scale and large scale goals and find them not only hugely motivating, but also helping me to keep on an even keel and stay focused.With big projects it is inevitable that it takes time. Whether it's building something big from the scratch (from bottom to top approach) or deconstructing something (from top to bottom approach), like desqualoring, it is just something we need to accept. It takes time and one has to often take many steps forward before concretic results, BUT that does not mean that those steps were for nothing, because everything that moves us forwards counts. We have to be like The Little Engine That Could, and keep going. Regularly taking steps, regularly stretching our comfort zone liiiittle bit at a time. Big projects can be overwhelming, so just concentrate on the smallest possible area that you find you can handle and go from there. Celebrate every victory, every step, however insignificant the critical voices from our childhood (etc) tell us they are. That brings me to your inner talk. You seem to have negative, critical inner voices, and I think for your mental wellbeing you would want to silence/change them. It's a slow process but doable: Tell your mom's voice to jump off the cliff because you are busy changing your life for a better! Everytime a negative self-talk arises, tell it to shut up and replace it with encouraging, empovering, positive and loving words. It's very difficult in the beginning, at least it was for me, but gets easier very fast (and the results of more positive self-talk make one's life much more pleasant!). I believe you are stronger and more capable than you think!If you need thoughts about how to proceed with your project, I think you propably would do wisely to continue concentrating on getting stuff out and not bringing new stuff in.