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Post by dtesposito on Mar 26, 2014 14:59:34 GMT -5
Hi Emmy, so glad to hear from you again, and that you're planning a couple of days of garbage bag filling! Yes, you can start your own challenge thread, your own blog, a thread asking for support, or anything that helps. You can try a thread or challenge and if it doesn't work for you, try a different one instead. As long as you keep trying!  Diane |
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Post by papermoon on Mar 26, 2014 16:01:04 GMT -5
Hi Emmy, I'm so happy you're back! I just joined the 40 Bags challenge myself, so it would be great to see you there. Arid's advice is excellent (end of page 2), and I think it might be just the right ticket for you. I call it "closing the loop"... From what you've described, it sounds like you get all fired up to get rid of the trash, stuff a bunch of bags, but then you hit an impasse... you run out of steam, tired and discouraged. So the filled bags never leave the room, and then THEY become part of the problem too. So... since what you've been doing hasn't been working for you, try something different: Close the loop. Fill up ONE bag, take it OUT of your room and OUT of the house. Then either put it into the family trash bin, or put it in your car, get in, drive away, and DUMP the bag at the dump. TA-DA!! You have successfully closed the loop! I absolutely guarantee that you will experience a HUGE feeling of relief and empowerment. So give it try, ok? You've got nothing to lose except trash!  |
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Post by aquamarine on Mar 27, 2014 3:20:28 GMT -5
"closing the loop" ... finishing the job... this is an issue that arises from time to time.
There are three main stages to many tasks: preparation; execution, operation or action; completion. Some people never even reach the preparation stage, they just think about it! Some people prepare: they get the bags, bucket of hot soapy water and mop or whatever but don't do anything with them; some people actually do the job then run out of motivation and don't complete - that was me! So I agree with all the posters who say it is best to fill bags and get them out before filling the next batch. I have learned to rinse cloths etc. and put tools and dry washing away. New habits can be learned.
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NoelAnn
New Member
Really ***. LL coming to inspect. heat wave emphasized problem now i;m in trouble
Joined: November 2013
Posts: 85 
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Post by NoelAnn on Mar 27, 2014 9:52:47 GMT -5
Emmy you are NOT ALONE.
i haven't read through all the replies. But sweetie you are looking in a mirror here.
It's about cleaning out your physical and psychological clutter, and that is NOT easy.
I too feel terrified desperate and overwhelmed.
take one step at a time like the forum says.
one thing, the only thing, that helps me do it is if i have someone with me which is almost never possible. or if i am skyping cleaning with someone - again almost never happens. but usually if my brain is involved in a tv show or a movie at somepoint in the middle i can take the laptop and watch it while doing it...
then the problem becomes getting the trash out of there. and the same thing is applied... movie or tv and then do it while your brain is focusing elsewhere.
there is no way to get rid of the mice until the clutter is gone.
thats the sad sad truth.
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Post by def6 on Mar 28, 2014 17:01:21 GMT -5
Good Luck Emmy. You are sooo young... I just know you can get your life going in a right direction. Do you have a timer? Why don't you consider working with me for 5 minutes only. When you are ready…Get a bag and fill it up with garbage/trash then walk it out to the outside garbage can. Don't worry about Mom and Dad commenting…Just say "doing a little spring cleaning." The let us know what you've done and we will cheer. I think it is a good idea to see your Doc about your social anxiety and issues surrounding being bullied. Do you know that Bullying is strictly forbidden in school these days …Thankfully!
PS Mice happen.
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Post by papermoon on Mar 28, 2014 18:43:48 GMT -5
*knocks gently on Emmy's bedroom door* Hi Emmy, are you ok in there? We miss you, and we're here for you. Even if you don't feel like posting, just know that we care about you. If you feel up to reading something short, here's a little blog post about feelings of shame and fear, the feelings that everybody has. It made me feel better about my own shortcomings. I hope it might help you a little... zenhabits.net/worser/ |
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emmy
New Member
Joined: January 2014
Posts: 23
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Post by emmy on Mar 29, 2014 9:05:42 GMT -5
Hey everyone!
Again, thanks for so much support. I've been hard at work the last few days and I filled about two 30 gallon black trash bags. I had my ups and downs...way downs. It doesn't seem like I made much of a dent at all...but I kept telling myself that eventually it'll be noticeable. I haven't been bringing anything else into my room so I'm doing well on that front. Tomorrow my parents will be out a few hours so I'm going to gather up a bunch of old bags along with the two I've filled and take them out. There's a dumpster at my cousin's apartment she's letting me toss a few bags into (told her I did some spring cleaning). Can't do that all the time though so I'll have to find another way to dispose. But I think this is a start. I took out maybe 5 or 6 bags of trash last year. Tomorrow I'll be taking out just that in one day!
I'm trying to be positive right now. Normally around this time during my cleanings is when I start to panic and get hopeless. But hopefully with all your support I'll push through. Even reading others threads helps keep my faith.
I'm so happy I've found you all. I hope you're all doing well.
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Post by OnTheMend on Mar 29, 2014 9:27:52 GMT -5
emmy - Keep the positive outlook with what ever means it takes! Use your nails and teeth and various wrestling grips if you have to - just don't let it go! You can do this and tomorrow when you get those bags out you can be very proud of yourself! Then, after you have rejoiced a while and felt empowered, start planning the next bags. Don't let the big job scare you, just concentrate on the next few steps, and if that is too much, on the current step. If that's too much, try breaking it into smaller tasks or time chunks (timers are amazing tools!). Even minuscule steps will take you forward, the secret is keep taking the steps regularly. And Well Done on not bringing more stuff into your room, that is half the battle already!
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Post by dtesposito on Mar 29, 2014 9:50:38 GMT -5
Tomorrow my parents will be out a few hours so I'm going to gather up a bunch of old bags along with the two I've filled and take them out.Yay Emmy!  I know I'm weird, but sneaking the trash out seems kind of fun to me! Keep going, you will be so relieved to have some of it out of your room. Diane
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Post by aquamarine on Mar 29, 2014 10:08:18 GMT -5
The idea that you have not made much of a dent is a kind of sabotage. Action and reaction are equal and opposite. Ignore it and keep going. You will get there. It is good that you are not bringing in any more.
The difference between last year and this is the people and tips on here. It really helps to read about getting things done - it causes a ripple effect. Just think of what you have done and not how much is still left to do; think about how good it will feel once all you have is the current small bag of rubbish to get out.
If you can get those big bags disposed of, you can then use a lot of small bags. Street bins, shopping mall bins, local dumps, work bins, asking neighbours, special collections, recycling bins... all are possible outlets. Many people on here have reported worrying about how to get their rubbish disposed of without attracting a lot of attention so you are not alone.
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Post by turkeyhill on Mar 29, 2014 10:23:13 GMT -5
:-XEmmy you are doing great!!!  </img> |
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Post by aquamarine on Mar 29, 2014 11:01:58 GMT -5
"empty plastic containers"... you may find that if you compress or even jump on the bags they will get a lot smaller. Plastic corners can rip holes in thin bags though. It seems that your bags will not be so very heavy, which is an advantage. Bulk is a different problem.
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Post by papermoon on Mar 29, 2014 16:51:10 GMT -5
Can't wait to hear your update tomorrow. Go Emmy!  |
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emmy
New Member
Joined: January 2014
Posts: 23
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Post by emmy on Mar 30, 2014 8:48:27 GMT -5
I can see my floor!
Well... maybe just a small square foot or two. But it's there. It needs to be vacuumed because it's covered with shredded paper but I can see it!
I worked on one section at a time. I filled another two 30 gallon bags with just that small space. My piles are pretty high :/
I was able to take 8 bags out and dump them. I felt nice for a while and then the anxiety and guilt kicked in. But I'm still working on my emotional issues so hopefully that feeling will lessen eventually.
Do you guys have any tips on hyping yourself up or even helping ease the guilt feeling? I know it's not an easy thing. Just wondering what you do to reward yourself. To reward myself I left my room for a while, to take a break from the mess.
I've found that I really enjoy clean spaces now. The past few years I was happily living in my landfill, now I'm living in hell. I even cleaned our family bathroom yesterday just because I wanted to. If only I can keep that motivation to get rid of my squalor!
I'm trying to take baby steps. I'm starting to feel discouraged again but I'm trying my best. The thought of being desqualored seems to be an impossible dream at this point. But I have hope!
Sometimes I honestly feel like I'm just "the L word". When I was young I had beginning tendencies of squalor, but my mother always cleaned it up before it got really bad. She used to be one of those "I don't understand how you can live like this." Or "This is so disgusting. You're living like a pig."
Sometimes I feel like breaking down and just showing my parents my room just so I can have someone help me clean. But there's no way in HECK I'll ever really do that. Does anyone ever feel like telling someone just so they can have help cleaning? Or am I really just "the L word" who wants someone to clean their mess for them?
I honestly would love nothing more than "to just clean up." But that's SO much easier said than done. I wish it was easier. I really feel lost.
Sorry about rambling on. I don't have anyone else I can talk to about this. Still on the search for a therapist. There aren't many at all in my city.
Anyway, I'm really down in the dumps today so I'm sure I won't get any cleaning done. Hopefully I'll get a spark and try to work for a few minutes at a time. Thanks for reading.
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Post by dtesposito on Mar 30, 2014 9:59:57 GMT -5
I was able to take 8 bags out and dump them
This is excellent Emmy, and even though you think it's just a tiny part, you can now see that you have a floor! That means it made a difference. Logically, you know it made a difference--even a small bag out is a bag that isn't there anymore.
Keeping a secret that you feel guilty about is hard work. You're constantly stressed about it, you can't relax, you're always afraid someone will find out--it makes you tired. So wanting to share it with your parents to get help isn't just about getting help cleaning, it's about getting rid of the thing that's hanging over your head. You could tell your parents, if you think they'll get mad for a while and then forget about it--you don't want to make your life even harder. Only you can decide that--and if you decide that you can't tell them, remind yourself that there's another way to get rid of the thing hanging over your head--keep filling garbage bags and taking them outside! It'll take longer, but you'll then have the satisfaction of knowing that you were able to finish a project, even though it took sustained effort.
As for dealing with the guilt, I guess my advice would be--accept that you messed up your room, that you're not sure why you did, but that you're a human--which means you're not perfect. You didn't do it out of spite, to purposely damage your parents' house. In a perfect world we could figure out exactly why we do things, and then just not do them. (Well, in a perfect world we wouldn't do stupid things in the first place, I guess.) But in real life we do the best we can--and sometimes you just have to let something go and look forward, not backwards. If you can keep working on your room, you'll get the confidence to know that you CAN change habits, and that'll make you feel less guilty about what you did in the past. Feeling guilty didn't help you start cleaning during all those years--having hope that you could one day have a clean room made you start cleaning. So tell yourself that you're sorry you messed it up, but that from now on you'll be taking small steps to change it. The guilt is not helping!
Why don't you try for one bag today--get it over with early, then you won't have to worry about it later in the day?
Congratulations on those 8 bags!
Diane
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