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Post by gunnachange on Jan 6, 2021 5:26:32 GMT -5
I have finally admitted to myself that I have gone from high functioning clutterer to hoarding and reaching squalor. I know l need to change something....but I haven't a clue what, how and in what order! Health troubles have meant I haven't got the capacities I had as a younger person, when though a clutterbug,
I could do emergency cleanups when anyone was coming over.... now this year, I didn't even manage to clear up for Christmas. And I didn't even care!
So a week or two's reflection has made me realise that the only person who can make changes is me. And I am scared to try, as I haven't got to the point of accepting "failure" as being ok.(I have always given myself a hard time, perfectionism, shame....you name it)
I am a child of hoarders and have subjected my children to my hoarding....many discussions about how much is learned, how much is genetic!
SO! now
I really want to undertake a gradual change of behaviours, hoping that I can learn to feel I am worthy of a home that I love to be in. I came across (the group )squalour survivors, years ago, just after that group ended and I couldn't find it again,until yesterday! now I have found this, and hope age and wisdom will help me accept myself, and thus be able to keep helping myself to get better. I don't let
anyone visit these days, and have a house full of things that need fixing!
So here goes.....
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Post by Arid on Jan 6, 2021 5:37:17 GMT -5
I'm so glad that you found us, gunnachange! There are several of us here who "came over" from the original "Squalor Survivors." (I'm not sure if that will make you feel better or if it will "scare" you that we are *still* here!  !!) I feel confident in saying, "You've come to the right place!! Here, you will find lots of information, lots of encouragement, and lots of understanding. Welcome to the board! Arid |
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Post by lucie on Jan 6, 2021 5:55:53 GMT -5
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Post by gunnachange on Jan 6, 2021 6:16:17 GMT -5
Thankyou, your welcome is lovely! And remarkable wisdom from bdg, wonder if she/he knew how much that would help someone years later! Picked up chocolate wrapper on the way to the bathroom! Such atiny baby step, but it means
I have started.....
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Post by larataylor on Jan 6, 2021 22:26:38 GMT -5
gunnachange - Welcome! I'm so glad you found us. I'm sure you'll find this place inspiring and encouraging.
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Post by joyinvirginia on Jan 6, 2021 23:20:44 GMT -5
Welcome gunnachange! Share any specific challenges and you will get lots of good suggestions. I have several small trash cans throughout the house, so no excuse not to put trash in a can right away. Welcome!
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Post by NewLifeToday on Jan 7, 2021 6:50:31 GMT -5
gunnachange Welcome! I'm glad you found us. I wish you much joy and success. It is nice to have you here.
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Post by gaylem on Jan 7, 2021 14:49:50 GMT -5
gunnachange Welcome. This forum has provided support and methods that absolutely work for me. I wish the same for you and look forward to your posting.
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Post by gillian on Jan 7, 2021 18:53:41 GMT -5
Welcome to the forum gunnachange. You'll get lots of encouragement here. You're not the only one who wasn't able to clear up for Christmas. Things in our house have been a bit chaotic since my husband had a stroke in July and as a result now has aphasia. Thankfully it was just our own family here for Christmas, but we usually manage to get the dining room tidy and the dining room table cleared so that we can actually sit down and eat together on Christmas Day. Dh wanted to tidy the dining room and the table himself this year, but didn't manage it and didn't want anyone to help. His proposed alternative was to eat off our laps in the living room. Ds#1, who helped me prepare the meal, was not happy with that proposal and suggested we eat in the kitchen for the sake of sitting down at a table, but dh turned down the suggestion. To avoid an argument and dh going off to bed in a huff we pretty quickly made a compromise - those that wanted to eat in the living room did so and those who preferred to eat from the table in the kitchen did so. Everyone was quite happy with the arrangement and we met up in the living room for crackers and gifts.
The other problem was to do with the Christmas tree. We have two in bits which are spread around the garage underneath a lot of other stuff in the garage and everyone baulked at the idea of having to unearth all the bits and put them together. I found a miniature Christmas tree which I found a base of sorts for, but no source of power for the lights on it, and just stuck it in a corner of the room. We just decided there was no point fretting about it.
Looking forward to reading your posts about how you're getting on.
Gillian
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Post by gunnachange on Jan 15, 2021 23:02:25 GMT -5
Been reading "Buried in Treasures" and recognising that
I seem to have too many ideas....and a house full of "projects". But I don' even have the energy to complete them, and can't bear to get rid of them. So when
I managed to strip my bed, wash the bedding, and remake that bed, all on one day,
I really couldn't do a lot other than fall into it! So
I feel like I will never get on top of all the things
I need to achieve,a daily routine gets as far as feeding cat, taking meds,getting dressed.....and then the enormity of it all gets to me. Brain knows
I have to persist, make jobs into achievable tasks...feelings are refusing to agree!.
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Eira
New Member
brains in your head, feet in your shoes, steer yourself any direction you choose <3
Joined: December 2020
Posts: 39
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Post by Eira on Jan 16, 2021 23:04:45 GMT -5
Hey @gunnachannge and welcome! I recently found this board too, everyone is really encouraging and I'd say apart from the initial spark of me wanting to change, this place has been the biggest motivator and source of help with cleaning up my squalor. It can be overwhelming when the fog clears and you realise you've got a problem. I too am at the stage where my daily routine consists mainly of feeding the cat and taking medication... I struggle with routines in general and have never had one, even when I was working full time a few years ago. It seems like everyone is so put together and seems to have no issue with housework, but I'm always doing it and it's never done simultaneously! But thanks to this board I've been able to do a little bit of cleaning each day and make progress with the clutter. Just want to reach out and say that you don't need to be ashamed here! Even if shame was initially a motivator - you can be proud of the fact you would like to change and have made a start.  |
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Post by Arid on Jan 17, 2021 5:07:40 GMT -5
Well, gunnachange, *I* think that stripping the bed, washing the bedding, and remaking the bed--all in one day--is **A BIG DEAL!!**
You are ahead of me, in fact. My "routine" is to strip the bed and to remake it with fresh bedding all in the same day. However, the bed linens that were stripped from the bed get taken to the basement where I--eventually--get them washed and dried!
Just for the record, I have a third set of bed linens clean and ready to go at any given time in case one of us were to get sick or something before I got the dirty set washed.
Congratulations on having a nice, clean bed!!
Arid
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Post by risenshine on Feb 14, 2021 15:57:29 GMT -5
Welcome!
Congratulations on making the bed! You've done it once. When you have made a habit of it, you will free up your time and energy for other things. You can also work on streamlining the process. Perhaps your bed is in a corner, or you have piles surrounding it to be cleared. Or you own too so much bedding it is difficult to find a complete set of bedding. (I now use a pillowcase to store one complete set of sheets. I only need two sets of sheets.
What helps me a lot is setting limits on what I intend to keep. These can be physical, such as all Christmas decorations must fit within 2 bins, all books must fit on a certain number of shelves.
Time limits can be set, when I had a full sized freezer and a lot of pantry space in the basement, I would limit the food to what I could consume within a year. For projects, perhaps you can estimate the time it will take to complete. When will you have time for fixing that toaster? Do you really want to wait five years to eat your next slice of toast?
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Post by gunnachange on Feb 18, 2021 0:50:27 GMT -5
A few days ago I threw out the toaster that threw sparks at me! Then bought a new cheap one that doesn't put my heart rate up! Yesterday I took a bag (only a supermarket bag) with not-my-size clothes and a 3 book trilogy to a charity shop with the help of a dear friend (so I didn't "forget" it)! I was ahead till today I went on line and bought craft/art stuff. As if I haven't got the stash to beat all stashes..... Oh well, I guess it isn't the end of the world, but I would rather I had thought it through first!
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Post by Arid on Feb 18, 2021 3:19:26 GMT -5
It's difficult to break old habits; isn't it, gunnachange?
Be patient with yourself. You *are* making progress!
Arid
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