Thats all. I spent 12 hrs on chat yesterday and worked my fanny off- mostly dishes and laundry- tossing and sorting, folding, trying to find places for things. etc. But place still looks poop.
Yup - that's how I feel
exactly!
I was so tired but knew I did good and thought- well tomorrow- I will feel so inspired. I have done SO much.
But got up today and said heck- so much more to do before I feel like it is workable- functional- a nice place to be- This still looks so yuck - and has for such a long time- no matter how much I work..
You sure you're not reading my mind?
It is ok. But boy is it frustrating. However - thanks so much to chat.
Yes!!! Chat works when nothing else does!
Has been a sort of dreary time lately and chat has kept me moving. Slowly perhaps and only in spurts but moving none the less.
That is about how I am functioning - slowly, only in spurts, but moving none the less. It isn't the way I want it to be - I would love to just dive in and be a cleaning machine - but, if I am honest about it, the moving at all is a miracle of change for me. That doesn't stop me from being frustrated and discouraged at times.
I was hoping - last july when I joined ( after lurking for months) that I would be in a different place by this fall - but I am no where near that.
I am no where near where I thought I would be. If I am not careful I look around and think, there is no way! This is impossible! It hit me especially hard yesterday.
But I guess i just have to accept that and be patient.
Acceptance and being patient - and moving slowly, but moving - is the only thing I can do. It's either that or give up - which I am not willing to do.
SO many things interfere and affect my daily affairs and I am not- after all the most efficient person I know and for sure- sometimes my attitude - or perspective affects how well I do. So - I say. Oh well.
The least little thing can knock me off my feet. The other day I put the chinchillas in the kitchen with something to block them in and they got behind the dryer. I nearly gave up on trying to do anything else for the day and it wasn't even noon yet.
And I am NOT efficient at all. I can't even wash things so they come clean. No matter how hard I try, no matter how careful I am, when I think I've done a good job cleaning something I inevitably go back and find that I've missed all kinds of things. This is especially frustrating with dishes. How and anyone not get dishes clean when they are honestly trying to?!!!
My perspective and attitudes are my worst enemies and the things I work on the hardest; they interfer with
everything.
But darn it. I would really like to have some of my place in better shape than it is. Prettier.
Me, too. I am just beginning to actually see what my place really looks like and when I do I am like aaaaaaargh! make it go awaaaay!
Seems like just doing maintenance - or semi maitnenace on the places I crawled out of- takes a lot out of me and with other obligations- well it goes very slow.
I feel that I am working so hard sometimes, and all I accomplish is maintenance or semi-maintenance while other things continue to get worse. I have to be very careful to not let feelings of hopelessness take over. My answer is starting to become "Ok, I gotta get rid of more stuff!"
I went to photos and got sort of inspired except so many of you have such nice palces to live and nice stuff.
My place is ick even when cleaned up and frankly - there is so much that I simply do not know what to do with or how to make more functional or pretty.
I don't have a problem with this. I am so sorry this is true for you. Carl Jung, the psychologist, believed in something he termed synchronicity. The way I understand it, synchronicity is the effect of when you start working towards something coincidences start happening that help you along your way. I feel like I have seen this happen a lot in my life. If it is real, maybe as you keep working towards your goals things will "just happen" to help you with this. I hope so.
But- I think- that will come. Well maybe. I don't know.
Right now- I just have to keep on keeping on and be grateful for whatever I can do and not focus on what I think I should be able to do or what I would like it to be.
This is the only way I can function. You put this into words perfectly. Thank you.
My living room is not terribly bad- in fact is mostly pretty comfortable-- but is still very cluttered and no way can I put any Christmas things out or even make it pretty.
No decorating for Christmas here, either. I feel like I want to say, "Let's make a deal with each other and do it next year!"
But--That is that for now and I can live with it and mostly maintain it.. Not getting too upset about that. But I seem to just spin my wheels a lot even when I get going like crazy. THAT is very frustrating
Yes it is frustrating! Thank you for saying that!!! I have to be very careful or I do a lot of "What is WRONG WITH ME?!!!!" thinking. If I do that, though, it gets worse.
Got lots of help, encouragement and advice in my winter shutdown thread and so much is helpful- some of it overwhelming and some of it -I just had to file it away for future reference.
I really admire the way you are able to say this, to be able to recognize "helpful," "overwhelming" and "for the future." I dont' do that well at all.
Perhaps I am just tired now after a spurt of energy and work.
But dang- I sure wish there was some pretty and very functional places I could look at and see and work with.
Can you make one little space - sort of an altar-type thing? Even if it is just a little space? Would that help?
If that makes sense.
Ok then. Just wanted to say.
And---It is really ok.
Bizzy
