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Post by serenitynow on Apr 24, 2010 19:46:58 GMT -5
I know so many of you suffer with this. I'm just in a very bad way right now. Major depression has been with me all of my life, really. Sometimes it's more manageable than other times. I've read the books, been on the meds, am seeing a good therapist. This is being exacerbated by hearing that my niece is pregnant. I'm thrilled for her but it triggers the desolation I always carry with me of my 9 miscarriages. And all the weddings at the B&B- I never got married (and I was the one who had already collected 40+ brides magazines by the time I was 16) My SO of 15 years didn't want marriage, although he would have if any children had been born. I feel so lonely and my future stretches out before me like so much of the same. serenitynow P.S. Please don't think I'm contemplating anything rash. That's totally against my belief system. Besides, who would take care of my beloved animals? They are all extremely devoted to me and keep me going. I'm not trying to be a drag here. I know some of you are facing much worse and my heart goes out to you. Just felt like I needed to express this. To stay connected..
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Post by Morningstar on Apr 24, 2010 19:50:29 GMT -5
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Post by dtesposito on Apr 24, 2010 20:44:55 GMT -5
Serenitynow--I'm sorry you're really down right now, I hope things feel a little better soon.
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Post by momof3boys on Apr 24, 2010 20:48:41 GMT -5
Serenity, I've sorry you never had the marriage or the children you wanted you so deserve those things. During this difficult time pamper your self and spend time with those you love. If you need to cry, give yourself permission to. It can be very healing. Have you ever thought of adopting or being a foster parent? I know that options are not for everybody. How about volunteering to work with children at a school or reading to them for story hour at the library? I wish you happiness but understand your wants and desires. Hugs
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Post by dieverdog on Apr 24, 2010 20:51:31 GMT -5
serenitynow, I can relate - I have had depression for many years too. I'm very sad that I never had children and would have liked to - and two girls at work right now are pregnant and one other girl recently had a baby. As happy as I am for them, it makes me really sad that I won't ever experience that. I can't imagine what you have gone through. I get what you say about your animals. My cats really put a lot of joy into my life. Unfortunately they also contribute greatly to my squalor situation. I'm so glad to have found this place - I hope it will make me feel not so alone and will give me the wherewithal to make some real progress.
As you say, depression IS the pits. I've never found any medicine that has helped much - more often than not, they make me feel even worse. The lack of energy - and wanting to sleep all the time - has a lot to do with the mess that has accumulated I suppose. It's hard sometimes to know what to do about it all - that's how I found my way here I guess. It's really got to a point where I really must confront it and take some action, even if it's only small steps at first.
I hope your down feeling is a temporary thing and that you will feel a bit better in another day or so. Even having depression I do find, for myself, that some days are worse than others. Dieverdog
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Post by Butterfly on Apr 24, 2010 20:56:29 GMT -5
You are not alone. I hope you feel better soon.
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Post by notsomessyshell on Apr 24, 2010 20:59:29 GMT -5
I am sorry you are feeling so down right now. I wish I could make it better. We can be here for you. We can listen to you when you need to vent. We can send you hugs and uplifting bubbles.
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Post by _Linda_ on Apr 24, 2010 21:06:39 GMT -5
Dear Serenity, depression is a very difficult thing to deal with. I know, I have been depressed most of my life. Many people think that you "need to pull yourself up from your boot straps." It is not that easy. Just remember that we are all here when you need a shoulder to cry on or someone to vent to. You are not alone in your struggle. Sometimes you have to hold on to the little things in life just to keep you going. Your wonderful pets need you and you need them. They are always going to give you the unconditional love that you need (as do mine for me.) Just as everything else in life, you can only take it one day at a time. Take some time to yourself and treat yourself to something nice. It doesn't have to be anything that you pay for, go to a park and just enjoy the day. You are in my thoughts and prayers.
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Post by def6 on Apr 24, 2010 21:19:37 GMT -5
I'm so sorry serinitynow......maybe you can advocate for some child that is neglected or abused. There are many.
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Post by 7sweetbabiesgranny on Apr 24, 2010 21:27:02 GMT -5
I am sooo sorry too, have had quite a few bouts of it myself, miserable stuff. Like you, I at least had enough logical thinking going on to know it would be wrong to check out. We can be thankful for that much. Wish I could take it away.
grannie
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Post by serenitynow on Apr 24, 2010 21:39:28 GMT -5
Thank you so much friends. I already feel less alone. Butterfly, your emoticon expresses exactly how I feel. Dieverdog, welcome to the board! I've sent you a PM (private message) Morningstar, dtesposito, momof3, messyshell, linnie- thank you. I was hesitant to send such a depressing post but you've all made me feel more connected to the outside world. Def6, there ARE so many..who turn into such depressed adults. Yes I've advocated before. It hurts just *seeing* how some people treat their children in public. What must they be like in private? serenitynow
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Post by disorganizeddragon on Apr 24, 2010 21:42:42 GMT -5
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Post by serenitynow on Apr 24, 2010 21:44:39 GMT -5
Thank you granny. I see that you, dieverdog and linnie are new here. This board is made up of many caring people, of which you are three.. Welcome! serenitynow
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Post by serenitynow on Apr 24, 2010 21:50:47 GMT -5
DD serenitynow
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Post by jkai3 on Apr 24, 2010 22:37:53 GMT -5
Ahh, Dear One, I understand, as Depression is a big issue for me. I recently had to double my meds just to get out of bed... It will get better, even though right now I know it doesn't feel like it... We are all here for you, you are in my prayers tonite Dear One. Jkai3
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