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Post by angela on Aug 12, 2014 17:36:51 GMT -5
Daye, as I think about your box of new things, I think that is actually an amazing, far reaching tool you have created. A solid, visual, undeniable way to really drive home what actually gets used and what doesn't. A way to close the gap in our minds between fantasy acquisition and reality of use.
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Post by dayeanu on Aug 12, 2014 21:36:01 GMT -5
angela, I had not realized the implications of the "new purchases" box when I started it. Initially it was just to out new purchases so I could find them when needed. But when I realized that my box was overflowing, that clearly these things were not being used - i realized my distorted thinking about "immediate needs." Here's a detail that I am sure will surprise no one --- Idk what is in the "new purchases" boxes. I will have to go look. Here's another box that made me stop and think - the "need in the next two weeks" box. This is for things I run across when decluttering, and I think, "I better put that where I can find it. I'll be needing that soon." I am pretty sure that in the 3-4 months those items have been sitting in the "need soon" box, I have not needed one single thing. So far, the only things I'm glad I didn't pack away are tools and animal supplies. I tend to need those fairly often,
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Post by dtesposito on Aug 12, 2014 22:05:25 GMT -5
I've been stunned to see that the tub is now filled and overflowing into another "New Purchases" tub, and rarely do I find that I need anything out of those tubs "just yet."
I love this! Angela nailed it when she said "solid, visible, undeniable" -- proof in front of you that you didn't need the things. And, you've noticed it and see what it means, which is not a given!
Something that helped me when I was dealing with all the magazines in my apartment was gathering them together in neat piles by title, putting them in date order, and making myself look at the dates every week or so. Despite feeling like I was seriously trying to read them, I could see the number of issues increasing rather than decreasing. After a few months of this, I was forced to admit that I was not going to magically find all the extra hours of time to catch up on this reading. "Solid, visible, undeniable" proof! I was able to let the magazines go, and to let all my subscriptions lapse after that.
I think that's why it helps so much to put like things together--nothing like seeing that you have 8 vegetable peelers or 12 bottles of window cleaner to realize that you're not in control of your stuff!
Diane
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Post by dayeanu on Aug 13, 2014 5:33:14 GMT -5
I've been stunned to see that the tub is now filled and overflowing into another "New Purchases" tub, and rarely do I find that I need anything out of those tubs "just yet." I love this! Angela nailed it when she said "solid, visible, undeniable" -- proof in front of you that you didn't need the things. And, you've noticed it and see what it means, which is not a given! Something that helped me when I was dealing with all the magazines in my apartment was gathering them together in neat piles by title, putting them in date order, and making myself look at the dates every week or so. Despite feeling like I was seriously trying to read them, I could see the number of issues increasing rather than decreasing. After a few months of this, I was forced to admit that I was not going to magically find all the extra hours of time to catch up on this reading. "Solid, visible, undeniable" proof! I was able to let the magazines go, and to let all my subscriptions lapse after that. I think that's why it helps so much to put like things together--nothing like seeing that you have 8 vegetable peelers or 12 bottles of window cleaner to realize that you're not in control of your stuff! Diane I would make one addition to what you wrote here - along with realizing that I'm not in control of my stuff - maybe even *more than* realizing I am not in control of my stuff - I'm not in control of. My thinking! My thinking and reasoning about needing stuff is clearly wonky!
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Post by dayeanu on Aug 13, 2014 9:18:13 GMT -5
I looked through my "New Purchases" box(es) to see what was so darn important I had to have it right then.
1.) Multiple small, machine-washable throw rugs to put down in the outside doorways to catch the grit and grime coming in (or perhaps in my case, going out! ) This is what most of the new purchases were. 2.) coasters to go under furniture legs. 3.) a pump up sprayer (should be in tools) 4.) a bottle of almond extract 5.) a scissors with multiple blades for cutting up herbs quickly 0_^ 6.) a package of straws and jar lids 7.) a gardening magazine 8.) a white knit shirt
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Post by dayeanu on Aug 13, 2014 10:53:54 GMT -5
In my "New Purchases" boxes, I also found several new kitchen towels, and a bag of bird feed! (I had wondered where that went! That one was an actual need.
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Post by dayeanu on Aug 13, 2014 10:54:19 GMT -5
Because what are you going to say to people if they say 'new purse'? and you can't lie and say I found it at my old hoarded house? My ex's reply to a question like that was, "The best shopping is always done in your own closet!" That's a good answer.
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Post by angela on Aug 13, 2014 12:33:13 GMT -5
Wow dayeanu what an interesting array of things. Now that you have plumbed the box, are those things going into actual use? Or are you seeing that in fact they were not actual needs? Yes about the thinking. I have suffered from Someday Syndrome with my possessions and other activities. I use gentle self-talk (when I remember!) to help counteract the fantasy thinking. "Oh I will make/use/store this tomorrow/next week/etc.! And it's rare/on sale/convenient/will solve a problem/pretty!" "Now sweetie, what is going to be so different about tomorrow/next week that you will have the time to make/use/store this thing? You don't have time today or tomorrow...now tell the truth...I'm so sorry, I know it's hard and you really want to have more time to make/use these pretty things but right now other things are more important. And there will be other things in the future when/if you do have time!"
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Post by angela on Aug 13, 2014 12:38:49 GMT -5
Yesterday I allowed myself to have fantasy thinking, wanting something pretty that I have coveted for two weeks. My current Kryptonite: yarn. It is a hand-made, hand-dyed squishy yarn with all my favorite colors. I might not even make anything from it. I am sitting here looking at it and squishing it. In a thread I had started a couple of months ago, I talked about acquisitions to thwart anxiety. I know there is some of that going on right now. I've bought squishy yarns now twice and a soft squishy sweater. I'm tired, I constantly want to be in bed (though of course I cannot be!) so I guess I want to have blankies that I can sit with, carry around, and wear.
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Post by dayeanu on Aug 13, 2014 17:39:24 GMT -5
I went through a spell where I wanted quilts and blankets. It was a comfort/ cocoon thing for me
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Post by puppybox on Aug 14, 2014 0:43:59 GMT -5
oh me too me too I collected so many blankets one year or two. some of them got moths. I accepted I have no more space or proper storage. boo. Definitely I was feeling the opposite of warm and cosy, emotionally, when I was so into those.
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Post by lucie on Aug 14, 2014 1:28:31 GMT -5
I bought another book on Tuesday (early birthday money). Hmm, thinking of it now, it does connect well with you talking about cocoons, as books are a cocoon for me. I wonder what makes us all neede more coccons in the middle of a summer (at least I think it is a summer for most of us here).
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Post by angela on Aug 14, 2014 18:58:02 GMT -5
The blanket and bundling continues. I dove into Joanne's Fabrics today on the way home from the Cancer Center with S and bought some yardage of 3 different colors of cuddle fleece, also called minky fleece. I have been wanting some for almost a year now in order to cover two freebie bed pillows I have. I was re-reading my anxiety and acquisition thread and had talked about this in that thread. So now the fabric is in the washer and later tonight I will wrap my pillows. Oh and I also bought adorable ceramic owl beads in YELLOW with GREEN polka dots and gold outlines. I passed them up a few months ago but had a coupon today. If I do nothing but make a pair of earrings I will be happy I got them.
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Post by dayeanu on Aug 15, 2014 16:55:34 GMT -5
Today I bought two automatic feeders for animals. I am thinking in terms of Mother's illness. If I am gone for a couple of days, I won't have to depend on someone else. I've not had good experiences in the past depending on others for animal care. This way, someone only has to walk by and make sure nothing has gotten knocked over. Maybe they can manage that!
I bought a Straight Talk mobile hot spot and a kit to change my iPhone over to Straight Talk. Hope I'm not making a mistake. Hope I save as much money as I hope!
I bought a "gun sock" for my rifle. (So much cheaper than a regular case.) I bought a small locking plastic case for my .22 pistol, some extra fine steel wool to clean off a rust spot, some gun oil and disposable gun wipes. With these purchases, I'm thinking in terms of taking care of what I have.
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Post by papermoon on Aug 15, 2014 18:57:16 GMT -5
I bought my "Friday flowers"... actually this week just some greenery to augment the daisy-like yellow mums I bought last Friday which are still going strong. The bouquet looks so fresh and cheery. I definitely need cheery after this week's building inspection and today's mammogram. Ow.
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