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Post by papermoon on Sept 27, 2014 4:37:09 GMT -5
Hi emmy. I'm so sorry you've been struggling. I've thought of you often, and I hoped you were at least reading the forum, even if you weren't able to post. I've sometimes been in the same place... way too depressed to communicate, but still having a flicker of hope for getting better. I'm also really sorry you didn't get the support you needed from your therapist. I've had mixed success with therapists... some were wonderful, others sucked. They're all flawed human beings like the rest of us, but it's hard when you really need your therapist to be a cut above. I'm glad you're back here because as you know we don't judge you. We understand, and we'll always welcome you back no matter what. I still totally agree with you not to let your parents get involved, because it would do far more damage than good. The suggestion to go to a free clinic is great. I've used free clinics before when I had no insurance... I found that they're very kind people and very discreet. I have a question: On this thread, which tips have helped you the most? You've shown again and again that you can do the bag thing... fill 'em up and (hopefully) get 'em out. It's a good idea, I think, to start fresh with a new thread and just let this old one go. For instance, you might like to do a personal "bag a day" thread. I'm doing that on my blog (though admittedly some of the bags are rather puny, but still they're going out every day). It's helping me a lot. Set an easy goal, stay in touch with us... we are strong and we will support your plans and cheer your successes. But if you're not ready to start doing something new yet, then just stay in the conversation. Some days the best way to absorb the goodness of this forum is by osmosis.
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Post by emeraldine on Oct 2, 2014 1:44:13 GMT -5
Yayyyyy! So good to see you back on the board, Emmy. I, too, am sorry your therapist has not been of much help, and that you are still having a tough time with depression. However, I sense DETERMINATION in what you have written. You will overcome the squalor, and every one of us here knows you will beat it. Eventually. It is a slog. I've been digging out since January, and my recycling bin has been overflowing every week. But I am a little bit closer every day to my goal, and am starting to enjoy my small successes, instead of berating myself for not being able to do it all at once.
Papermoon is right -- even if you don't want to post, please do keep reading so that we can support you. We all take pleasure in each other's little victories; they give us a boost that spurs us on when we're stuck in our own tedious and often lonely chores.
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Post by quietbird on Mar 15, 2017 1:31:42 GMT -5
emmy, I miss you! Your talking about your own situation helped me face mine. Please check back in with us when and if you are able. And please know that you are loved and thought of still.
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Post by quietbird on Mar 4, 2018 23:10:20 GMT -5
Thinking about you, emmy!
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Post by phoebepj on Mar 10, 2018 20:21:56 GMT -5
I hope she checks back here soon... i hope she is okay... i am going to drop her a message in the hopes she will read it and find her way back here.
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emmy
New Member
Joined: January 2014
Posts: 23
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Post by emmy on Jul 20, 2018 8:01:50 GMT -5
Hello everyone!
It's been a long time since I've posted here and given updates. I was just in such a depression that I couldn't get out of. Every day was worse than the last.
There came a time where things got a little better, but I had a trigger or loss of energy and things were worse than ever.
Last night, I finally snapped at seeing a rat in my room. That was the last straw for me. I immediately ran to my parents, crying my eyes out. I spilled everything. I was honest about everything.
Their reaction was the complete opposite from what I thought would happen. They were extremely supportive (not so much my mom, who was having anxiety attacks), but my father was so reassuring and comforting to me. I was completely shocked.
Long story short, my parents and I spent the entire night cleaning my room. It's still definitely a horrible sight, but the trash is gone. Aside from heavy vacuuming needed and real actual clutter items. We are now waiting on someone my father knows to come and take the 40 contractor bags of trash away forever.
It was not an easy feat and we still have a ton more work to do. But the pure garage will be gone today. It was the hardest thing I've ever had to face, especially with my parents seeing everything. Horrified is not a strong enough word.
But at the same time, even though I'm going to have to do some damage control with the relationships I have with my parents, I feel like the biggest weight has been lifted off my shoulders. No more hiding, no more double life.
I'm still not feeling my best and still feeling guilt and shame, but I can't believe I finally did it and reached out for help. There's still a lot more to do, and I have to live in our living room until we get everything else taken away as my parents refuse to let me sleep on my dirty bed. But I feel like maybe this is the start of a new life or better life. My mother agreed to help me by watching for me and doing weekly living inspections, etc.
I wanted to give you guys an update because I've been neglecting the site out of fear and depression. I hope that instead of being a hopeless lurker here, maybe now I can use the site as it's intended and to keep up accountability. And maybe someone can gain hope from me like I have from everyone here in the past.
Even though I've been MIA, I still think about everyone here and what you've all said to me and the advice you've given me, which I've credited to my bravery in reaching out for help.
Thank you again to you all. I owe you everything ❤️
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Post by phoenixcat on Jul 20, 2018 8:17:08 GMT -5
emmy HANDS DOWN - I think your latest post is in the top 10 of posts!! Way to go on your parents stepping up and putting their love for you ahead of everything else. They must have in some small part blamed themselves (as parents do) because you were so suffering so much and they didn't see it or push to do anything about it. In many ways, they were probably very relieved that they could "DO" something not just worry and worry. SO HAPPY for you!!! This is indeed a turning point - you are truly blessed to have that support! Welcome back!! YOU are amazing!!!! PC
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Post by joyinvirginia on Jul 20, 2018 21:50:35 GMT -5
Thank You for the update! So happy that you let your parents help you! It's so much easier to clean when it's a team effort!
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Post by CourageouslyLion SeeksSerenity on Jul 20, 2018 22:11:33 GMT -5
Emmy! Thanks so much for your update! We care about you. There are plenty of us here on this site who understand being stuck -- while in fear and depression -- and we would never judge you for that.
You are very brave to have gone to your parents for help. Thanks for the hopeful update.
Sending you some gentle hugs!
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Post by sillycanuck on Jul 21, 2018 6:51:38 GMT -5
good work--the worst part is over; reaching out for help and starting the process.
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Post by ClimbingPyramids on Jul 22, 2018 13:40:23 GMT -5
emmy,
I concur with phoenixcat; your recent post is wonderful.
Please continue to send updates!
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Post by phoebepj on Jul 22, 2018 17:40:18 GMT -5
I'm proud of you emmy!!! I echo others in not feeling guilty about reaching out for help. I might gently suggest to you that your next step in healing might also be going to a therapist or seeking someone out who helps with depression. Depression is a nasty beast and isnt going to be cured overnight with just one visit to a doctor or a simple pill (medication). Start working on YOU and YOUR health and the rest will follow with your parents' support and love and care.
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Post by def6 on Jul 22, 2018 19:05:23 GMT -5
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Post by Irisheyes on Jul 24, 2018 6:29:30 GMT -5
Rats can be the great equalizer when it comes to doing things you dread doing. Good for you for not letting the rat win, Emmy, and asking for help! I'm glad your parents were supportive and willing to work alongside you.
Sending hugs and energy as you continue cleaning your space. ❤
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Post by creativechaos on Aug 13, 2018 13:11:04 GMT -5
emmy - that last post was inspirational! i'm so happy that you reached the turning point! sending all the good vibes and wishes your way for continued help and success in beginning to believe in yourself - with the help of your parents, especially your dad. i hope you come back to this supportive group and work along with the good people here. you've got this!
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