|
Post by lucie on May 22, 2014 5:07:34 GMT -5
emmy, many people here say that tings will get worse, before they can get better. I second the idea of telling you parents and asking for their help. They probably suspect something is going on anyway.
|
|
|
Post by sue5000 on May 22, 2014 8:24:32 GMT -5
|
|
emmy
New Member
Joined: January 2014
Posts: 23
|
Post by emmy on May 22, 2014 9:54:36 GMT -5
I really would like nothing more than to confess to my parents and ask them for help. But I'm so terrified of being kicked out of the house, or berated and mentally abused. My parents aren't really that accepting of things. In the past when I've tried to tell them things, or they found my smaller piles of trash when I was younger, all they would do is mentally break me down, making my depression even worse. They'd tell me I was a pig, I lived like a pig, and they were disgusted that their daughter could live like this.
Then, instead of helping me, my mom would just spend hours cleaning my room, tell my dad when he got home from work, then I'd get punished. The cycle would just repeat.
Eventually they stopped coming into my room. They still ask me if I clean it, and I lie and say yes. They don't know I lock my door because they never try to come in. My mother sometimes mentions that she's scared to come into my room to see what it looks like.
I really want nothing more than to ask them for help. But I wouldn't even know how to...or how to start. I don't know if I can live with myself if I have to face their disappointment. Literally don't think I can live. How can I deal with my parents seeing my mess? Having them going through my garabage is almost worse than dying in my mind.
So for now I need to at least TRY to do this myself. When I think about asking them for help, I get even more paranoid and depressed, hence the cycle of giving up and things getting worse. I'd rather try this myself first, and see how much I can do. Then, maybe when things get better I can ask them for help. I'm more confused than ever. And that doesn't help with my motivation.
I plan to start again today, at least clearing a small section. I'll feel better if I at least do "something".
|
|
emmy
New Member
Joined: January 2014
Posts: 23
|
Post by emmy on May 22, 2014 9:55:21 GMT -5
Have any of you ever had the experience of asking for help from family? How did they react?
|
|
|
Post by joyinvirginia on May 22, 2014 10:43:16 GMT -5
I asked for help from a very good friend to get some control of a room full of stuff from my parents house. She came over and was TOUGH but that's what I needed. Someone to say ” you can't keep everything”. Someone to say ”throw this out”. Someone to say ” you can only keep enough to fill this one box and no more”. Someone to help me clean windows! Someone to say ”Joy, you are a hoarder” even when I say no i'm not! And to say ” yes you are and you have to admit that about yourself so you don't get buried all your family memorabilia”. It helps that she had experienced going thru all her parents things when they died.
|
|
|
Post by PaperGrace on May 22, 2014 13:13:22 GMT -5
Don't think of this as a setback because this time, you know what it feels like to get rid of several bags of garbage and see progress. That means you CAN do it. There is absolute proof that you can make progress so take heart in that. Also: Since you got a lot out before, most of what is in your path now is 'fresh' squalor, it won't be as hard to sort though/part with, since you'll have a better idea of how much real stuff is mixed into the trash. Fewer nasty surprises too.
|
|
|
Post by papermoon on May 22, 2014 13:50:31 GMT -5
emmy, when you said that your therapy is going nowhere, what do you mean?
|
|
|
Post by cleanbee on May 22, 2014 17:58:06 GMT -5
Hi Emmy just found this thread and while I haven't read all of the replies I did read all your posts here and just want to send you a big (((hug))) i so feel your pain and at the same time admire your determination and openness and just know you are going to succeed. It is going to be work but you will find your way out. Hang in there.
|
|
|
Post by Reader on May 26, 2014 7:17:32 GMT -5
emmy , I just found this thread of yours, and I have read through it all just now. I am so sorry you feel so bad about your room and all the stuff and mess you need to get rid of. Doing it secretly must also be hard. But you are doing a fantastic job!! A minor setback like a few weeks, is nothing compared to how long you have ben building up the mess in your room, and you have already proven you can do something about it!! You are doing great!! Just remember to do it in babysteps. Little by llittle, and be proud of every little thing you do!! And you know what? look forward to the day you can open that door, and not be afraid of your parents looking in! It will come. Maybe not tomorrow or next week, or even next month, but it will happen, because you are working a it!! I know how it is to be embarrassed of your room/home. My home is itill not clean, and just a few days ago (with GREAT help from people in here) I cleaned out my master bedroom. It felt great!! But I had been sleeping in there with the disaster surroundings for sooo long! I also have other rooms in my house that are BAD and where I just look forward to getting done, and I will manage, bit by bit - just as you will bit by bit with your room! I also have rooms that are in great condition. - at this point, but there have been times my entire house have been a disaster zone.... My point is, you are not alone, setbacks will come, but for everytime you feel like you are "falling off", its easier to get back, because there will be even less to clean than it was the first time you started!! I will cheer you on emmy, and you will manage to get through this. And you will feel soooo good when its done Good luck emmy, I will be cheering!!
|
|
|
Post by whatgirl on May 26, 2014 20:05:36 GMT -5
Have any of you ever had the experience of asking for help from family? How did they react? Yes, I have asked my brother to help me. He sympathized. He isn't as messy as I am but he knows me and grew up with me and if he judges, he doesn't say anything. I find that friends are actually more sympathetic and helpful to me because I don't fear as much what they think of me and my home. Is there a time of day that your parents are not home? What has worked very well for me is to hire cleaners to come in for 2 hours and do whatever they can. Having people to help make a big chunk in what needs to be done is a huge help. Since I am paying them for the work, it really doesn't matter what they think. If you are unable to hire people to come and help you for a large chunk of time, even 2 hours makes an amazing difference in just one room. You can find out if they would be willing to help you dispose of the garbage bags at the end. Although it can be costly (I would assume around $100 for 2 hours of just picking up trash in your room), it would be money well spent since so much can get done in such a short time while your parents are out of the house. I actually sometimes hire cleaners as a birthday present to myself in lieu or clothes or whatever. In fact, if you do want to tell your parents that you need help, you may want to suggest the help come in the form of hiring some cleaners to assist you. That way, you don't have to hide it from them and they can remain calm knowing that you have already come up with a solution for cleaning your room.
|
|
|
Post by papermoon on May 26, 2014 21:09:48 GMT -5
Hey emmy that's an excellent idea that whatgirl thought of... to hire some help. Here's a variation that might work for you, since your biggest sticking point seems to be getting the already-filled bags out of there... Just hire a guy with a truck to load the bags and haul them away. You don't even need to let him see your room at all, you can just hand off the bags out the back door when your parents are gone. I hired a really nice guy to help me rearrange heavy stuff in my storage unit. I found him by calling a local organizer/declutterer and asking her for a trustworthy referral. He charged only $40 for 2 hours (plus I gave him a $10 tip because he was awesome).
|
|
|
Post by RoadRunner on May 26, 2014 22:02:05 GMT -5
|
|
|
Post by whatgirl on May 26, 2014 22:27:22 GMT -5
Hey emmy that's an excellent idea that whatgirl thought of... to hire some help. Here's a variation that might work for you, since your biggest sticking point seems to be getting the already-filled bags out of there... Just hire a guy with a truck to load the bags and haul them away. You don't even need to let him see your room at all, you can just hand off the bags out the back door when your parents are gone. I hired a really nice guy to help me rearrange heavy stuff in my storage unit. I found him by calling a local organizer/declutterer and asking her for a trustworthy referral. He charged only $40 for 2 hours (plus I gave him a $10 tip because he was awesome). Yes, this is brilliant! Most places have a trash removal service like this: 1800GotJunkJust google trash removal for your city or town and get an estimate for a simple pick up of trash bags. This way, all you have to do is fill the garbage bags in your room and you don't have to worry about sneaking them out. You can also use the larger hefty bags since you won't be the one having to carry them outside. Just make sure they aren't too heavy or overstuffed that they break. Get an estimate on how much it would cost for a trash removal service to pick up lets say 15 bags of trash. It won't take them more than 30 minutes to simply load those bags into their truck and drive away. All you have to do is fill those bags in private. Setting a deadline for yourself, perhaps 1 month to fill 12-15 bags would give you something to look forward to because the day after the pickup appointment, you will have a room with tons of space now that the bags are removed and you can celebrate! It may seem pricey but the money is well worth the peace of mind you will have knowing that you are getting help for the hardest part of the task.
|
|
|
Post by Reader on May 28, 2014 3:21:54 GMT -5
I just love the ideas you get here Hiring someone either to help you clean or to drive away the trash for you sounds like great ideas! Hope you are doing good
|
|
|
Post by phoebepj on Jul 6, 2014 22:18:42 GMT -5
Bump - wonder how you are doing emmy!
|
|