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Post by ohblondie on Apr 29, 2015 11:21:15 GMT -5
I think the inactivity post should be the most active one!
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Post by dayeanu on Apr 29, 2015 12:28:12 GMT -5
I think the inactivity post should be the most active one! ROFL! YES! @ally, I, too, have sometimes called people on what seemed contradictory stuff. Maybe I should not, but it seems unauthentic to say nothing. Although recently, I have tried to say nothing. It didn't bother me for the 8 minutes to be criticized, although, TBH, if I had worked only 8 minutes once a day, that would still have been a significant improvement over what I had been doing for months - which was absolutely nothing. That didn't bother me. Warning - may be triggering----- What seriously traumatized me (and I'm posting this, in hopes that others will be spared) was when people insisted - it actually felt like they ordered me to just throw everything out, without regard for value, sentiment or any other defining feature. Because of trauma linked to ex-husband, who would use messy house, and "throwing it all out" as an excuse to be violent, it was quite traumatizing to have some well meaning soul here telling me to just throw it all out. (FYI, this guy who would not carry out a bag of trash.) Obviously, if I could have done that, he would have had to find a different excuse to be violent toward me. But I couldn't do it then, and I haven't managed to do it in the subsequent 40 years. I also had a very traumatic situation years later, where my parents came in and gutted my house while I was at work. On the drive home, I saw my furniture and bags of my clothing and other personal possessions sitting by a charity collection box. And threw away things I truly cherished, like my grandmother's engagement ring. When I objected, they were also violent. And another very upsetting incident which I won't recount, but again, I couldn't just throw it all out. So, really, after all that, does some anonymous poster think that by getting on here and ranting about how I should just throw it all, is going to help solve the problem? "Oh Gee! Great idea! I hadn't thought of that!! Another trigger, occurring the same time as the "throw it all out" posts, was when someone repeatedly used the term "aggressive", both in their title and in the daily posts. I am certain the woman had no idea it would bother anyone, but every time I clicked on the board and saw that thread title, it traumatized me. I tried to discuss it here, but some were rather critical - surely u would not let a little something like that upset me. Ummm, yes. I left the board for months, waiting for the one poster to lose interest, and for the other thread to lapse into inactivity. To actually link this back to the topic, you can just never know whats going to trigger someone, or why a thread dies.
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Post by Ally on Apr 29, 2015 14:13:33 GMT -5
Daye, I just wrote a long post, but then deleted it. I have had similar issues. I find that "just throwing it all out" doesn't work for me either.
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Post by dayeanu on Apr 29, 2015 14:33:02 GMT -5
Daye, I just wrote a long post, but then deleted it. I have had similar issues. I find that "just throwing it all out" doesn't work for me either. And telling someone else to do it isn't much help, most of the time. I do have to say here, though, that IMO there's nothing wrong with suggesting it. One time. AND there is nothing wrong with saying, "This is what worked for me."
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Post by def6 on Apr 29, 2015 15:34:14 GMT -5
Hello Ally I consider you to be a very genuine and considerate person and a valued member of this group. You aren't even in the same universe as the aforementioned members.
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Post by def6 on Apr 29, 2015 15:36:26 GMT -5
Daye,
Your "8 minute thread" did you , me and many others a lot of good. I'm gonna go do an 8 minute task now.
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Post by dayeanu on Apr 29, 2015 18:06:30 GMT -5
Daye, Your "8 minute thread" did you , me and many others a lot of good. I'm gonna go do an 8 minute task now. You're so right about @ally, and thanks - I'm glad 8 minutes helped you. I need to do a few today!
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Post by dayeanu on Apr 29, 2015 18:20:05 GMT -5
A lot of times when I don't post on other threads, it's because I'm too self-absorbed.
I know that sounds awful, and I need to break out of that. I think I would do much better if I focused outward more.
The last six months have been emotionally challenging, and I am so absorbed in trying to figure out where I am and where I need to be, I have all but shut out the rest of the world.
That's another reason why I don't post on other threads much.
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Post by wind on Apr 29, 2015 18:47:28 GMT -5
I think everyone is self-absorbed when they're in pain. It doesn't sound awful to me at all.
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Post by Ally on Apr 29, 2015 19:53:47 GMT -5
A lot of times when I don't post on other threads, it's because I'm too self-absorbed. I know that sounds awful, and I need to break out of that. I think I would do much better if I focused outward more. The last six months have been emotionally challenging, and I am so absorbed in trying to figure out where I am and where I need to be, I have all but shut out the rest of the world. That's another reason why I don't post on other threads much. Daye, It's normal to be "self absorbed" when one is going through the things that you have been going through. Maybe it's time for a new start now.
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Post by dayeanu on Apr 29, 2015 20:09:36 GMT -5
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Post by anewleaf on May 1, 2015 5:17:07 GMT -5
dayeanu, I'm so sorry that you had to deal with violent husband and having your house gutted without your permission and against your protests! By your own parents, also using violence, no less! (((hugs))) And I can understand (and relate) to being self-absorbed. As a result of PTS/anxiety/depression and as a natural consequence of being an introvert (I must have time to recharge and/or regulate my energy levels). I guess the catalyst for this thread was someone who created a post looking for practical advice, but could not be bothered to come back and respond to posters. Yet continued on, creating other threads and I guess it irked me. Whatever their reasons for blowing off that particular thread and the posters who bothered to contribute, I don't know. Perhaps they hadn't implemented any of the suggestions and were avoiding the thread as a result. I guess that's the thing about ANY group of people-it's inevitable that someone will rub someone else the wrong way!
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Post by dayeanu on May 1, 2015 7:30:57 GMT -5
anewleaf, ahhhh, I see why you're wondering. Yes, that would be baffling, to have someone starting threads but never coming back to reply. And yes, in any group, there will be irritations and conflict. It's impossible to know everyone's background, triggers, habits (drug or alcohol use), possible mental issues, and even tone or emphasis since it is written and there are no oral or visual cues. If we coulo know, it might be funny. Or scary! I always worry about people who post and then disappear. Did something terrible happen to them IRL? Did we trigger or offend or overwhelm them?
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Post by ohblondie on May 1, 2015 10:54:04 GMT -5
dayeanu... I agree...this is back to the balance thing as well. I could post all day long about what I WANT to do - but unless I shut off the computer and get my butt up and actually DO IT....well then I am no better off.... anewleaf..I know I am highly distractible. Maybe the OP is the same way and found something that worked for them in another thread? Bottom line - we don;t know the battles the other people on this board are facing. I dont think that should PREVENT us from responding...Just something for us to remember if we dont agree with a poster.....or to help us write our responses in a kinder and gentler tone. I remember a couple of people called me out a few times. I was originally highly offended - but I realized they did not know everything about me, my "back story", and honestly, there was probably a kernal of truth in what they said. Sometimes conflict can help a group grow stronger. When the conflict is managed well. Just some stuff to think about!
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Post by tablefor6 on May 3, 2015 16:22:24 GMT -5
Also, FWIW, I have sometimes asked for advice, and then realized that all the responses I got, while well-intended, actually were not very applicable because of things that the responders didn't know about my situation . . . and I didn't know how to explain that without sounding like I was trying to shoot down every suggestion they gave me! So I just abandoned the thread. Probably NOT the best solution!! But sometimes I am a goofball who can't think of the right thing to say, so I end up saying nothing at all, for fear I'll offend someone by saying their suggestion wasn't helpful! I need to work on that . . .
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