hopehope
Banned
Joined: May 2008
Posts: 3,815
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Post by hopehope on Aug 21, 2010 19:09:00 GMT -5
"Then I was too upset to clean anything as I wasn't cleaning dishes, I was trying to clean up a whole heap of emotional pain."
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Post by CourageouslyLion SeeksSerenity on Mar 2, 2011 10:45:57 GMT -5
I cried the first time I read this. I so desperately needed to know I was not my mess, I was a lady trying to desqualor. Yes, exactly!
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Post by dayeanu on Mar 3, 2011 11:03:06 GMT -5
I am re-reading these old threads this morning, and finding so much wisdom, insight, and direction. This is an amazing website, with amazing members!
This really touched me: "Then I was too upset to clean anything as I wasn't cleaning dishes, I was trying to clean up a whole heap of emotional pain."
How many of us . . .
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pookie
New Member
Joined: July 2009
Posts: 21
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Post by pookie on Mar 6, 2011 0:48:57 GMT -5
Thank you for this wonderful reminder!
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Post by TML on Mar 6, 2011 10:33:13 GMT -5
I agree that who I am as a person (inside) is not defined by the state of my house. However, the state of my house is often the result of how I feel. When I am depressed it tends to get worse.
Also, the state of my house limits who I want to be. Inside me is a vibrant beautiful person who wants to live life to the fullest. Unfortunately my weight and my house seem to be holding me back. I hate not having people over and cringing if I thinkIhave to call someone in. My house has made huge strides but it still has a ways to go.
I never really thought of it this way but there is a huge disconnect between who I am and how I live. It is this disconnect that makes me upset and makes me so apologetic if anyone ever happens to come in (like I am trying to explain how this is not me). I have been focusing on a vision of how I want the house to look which is basically clean and decorated but I think I also need to focus on how it can truly reflect me.
How do I want to live.
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Kaifi
New Member
Joined: May 2010
Posts: 74
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Post by Kaifi on Mar 6, 2011 12:19:36 GMT -5
Wow! Actually - yes, you are so right. Maybe because we believe that it IS part of us, part of our personality make-up and we have trouble changing it, it becomes such a battle. I haven't been here for a little while; had a few problems and I foolishly listened to someone in here who said that because my house wasn't like a total health hazard, I shouldn't be here at all. But hey, I'm back And the first post I find is this one... *HUGE GRIN*
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Post by seashell on Mar 6, 2011 12:50:53 GMT -5
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Post by Meme on Mar 6, 2011 13:50:37 GMT -5
Kaifi
I am sorry someone said that and they were wrong--- and also wrong to say it- anyone who is here belongs here as long as they choose to be here- I know I got a pm scolding me for being so positive and mentioning that I had stepped out of squalor -- I cried first and then I laughed because who I am on the board is who I am off the board- I need you here---Meme
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Post by TML on Mar 6, 2011 14:59:21 GMT -5
Kaifi I am sorry someone said that and they were wrong--- and also wrong to say it- anyone who is here belongs here as long as they choose to be here- I know I got a pm scolding me for being so positive and mentioning that I had stepped out of squalor -- I cried first and then I laughed because who I am on the board is who I am off the board- I need you here---Meme Meme, yes we need Kaifi and you here. We are all individuals and are at various stages of recovering our homes and our lives. I hope you are positive everyday and stay out of squalor. I am sort of in the middle of desqualoring. I am at the stage where I can have workmen come into the house into every room except my bedroom, bathroom, and garage. The rest of the house is still not company come over clean but it will get there. I have been at the can't get the door all the way open stage and scared that if we had to have someone in that the city would be next forcing us to deal with it all asap. If we did not have people at every stage... how would we learn. I had never heard of ghost squalor before or residual fear. We are all in this together and everyone should be accepting and not PM you so you cry. meme
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Post by seashell on Mar 6, 2011 19:06:29 GMT -5
Meme, we need to hear from people who have been successful with clearing their homes. Otherwise, what encouragement would we have that it can be done?
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Post by wynken on Mar 6, 2011 21:31:53 GMT -5
I love the concept of the origional message. I am not my mess nor my house. I can do something with out thinking I need fix every psychological problem I have, or ever had, or ever will have. My ADD/ brain function may effect my organisation skills but to use that as excuse to never do anything is a fast track to escalate every problem I have. One thing at a time... with breaks... I will get some things done. Not everything. But there can be progress if I choose action over dispare and giving up. talking to me I am getting better at seeing a little thing sitting there ... and dealing with it. I am neither my mental / physical abilities nor disabilities. My value does not depend on that. The value of my effort Just get out of head analysis and do something helpful. I don't need to be fixed to do something. and yes - I'm thankful to be here .. and glad others stick around and share helpful messages.. that tell me I can do something about the way I'm living.
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Post by CourageouslyLion SeeksSerenity on Mar 7, 2011 12:59:02 GMT -5
I don't need to be fixed to do something. word!
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Post by dayeanu on Jun 9, 2011 8:58:29 GMT -5
I have always thought that my house (squalor) is a reflection of my emotional pain, my perceived self-worth, maybe even a silent cry for help.
Just wanted to comment that I am learning a lot about myself and my emotional baggage through cleaning up my squalor.
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Post by CourageouslyLion SeeksSerenity on Jun 9, 2011 10:59:42 GMT -5
- My home has NEVER reflected my psyche.For me, they are completely UNRELATED.That is why I identify with Eris's message (the first message in this thread).I've been in deep depression with a messy home. I've been in deep depression in a clean home. (Turns out that my depression was hormonal, related to puberty and menopause, and not related to anything else!)In the past, I've been in complete joy with a fulfilled life, with a deeply squalorous home. I simply was so busy LIVING my LIFE that I didn't bother to clean house. And I was UNWILLING to clean.I'm currently living in an unsqualored home, clean and beautiful. This has zero impact, plus or minus, on my mental health.I'm glad the mess is gone. I'm glad I'm maintaining. But I don't feel better or worse about myself, now that the mess is gone.Maybe the key is ... that I've ALWAYS had good self-esteem. And that I've ALWAYS believed that myself and all people are worthwhile.News from me:I'm currently dealing with a NEW issue in my life, a very SAD thing has happened. I'm not depressed, but I'm dealing with a very sad and stressful situation.
Nevertheless, it has made no difference in my WILLINGNESS to continue to clean up after myself. I'm still cleaning up. I don't feel tempted to let things go. My current sad circumstance has no bearing on how I relate to my home. I'm keeping my home in maintenance. This isn't some victory. It's simply that my psyche and my home don't reflect one another. My home is not my identity. My successes and failures are not my identity. My inner spirit is who I really am. -
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Post by fluffernut - now Jannie on Jun 9, 2011 12:07:35 GMT -5
A big thank-you to Eris!
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