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Post by CourageouslyLion SeeksSerenity on Dec 8, 2012 12:43:06 GMT -5
I do though, think it's important for us to be careful about using words that soften the impact of what squalor does to us and our families. I think the intention is ... When someone says "I am diabetic" ... they mean: "My name is Mary, my identity is that I'm a child of The Creator, and I happen to have the very real disease of diabetes". They know their disease is real, but they know it isn't the essence of their personality and soul. The disease is just something that they have to pay attention to, so that they don't die. But it doesn't define who they are. ----- I think the same is true with mess/squalor/clutter/disorganization/hoarding. Messiness is a very serious and real behavior pattern -- that we must attend to, so that we and our loved ones can have decent lives. If we don't attend to it, our families can lose their social lives and also have damage to their health and safety. But messiness is NOT an "identity". ----- It's kind of like when alcoholics say at a meeting: "My name is X and I'm a alcoholic". They mean that their disease of alcoholism is deadly to themselves and wreaks havoc upon their loved ones. The disease of alcoholism must be faced every day so that it doesn't rear its ugly head. Yet recovery happens when alcoholics learn to see themselves as INTRINSICALLY positive, beautiful, and worthy persons: alcoholics can use that as a source/inspiration to change for the better. As a counterbalance ..... a 12step sponsor sees their 'sponsee' as a beautiful child of god who has become twisted by a horrid disease. The sponsor gives unconditional love to the sponsee. Yet the sponsor never enables or excuses any inappropriate behavior that the sponsee might try.
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Post by CourageouslyLion SeeksSerenity on Dec 9, 2012 10:05:42 GMT -5
we define our mess but our mess does not define us- hugs from Meme Meme passed on from this life ... just over a year ago. I'm grateful that we can still read her wise words.
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Post by dayeanu on Dec 9, 2012 12:26:59 GMT -5
we define our mess but our mess does not define us- hugs from Meme Meme passed on from this life ... just over a year ago. I'm grateful that we can still read her wise words. Yes!
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Post by dayeanu on Dec 9, 2012 12:49:22 GMT -5
I do though, think it's important for us to be careful about using words that soften the impact of what squalor does to us and our families. I think the intention is ... When someone says "I am diabetic" ... they mean: "My name is Mary, my identity is that I'm a child of The Creator, and I happen to have the very real disease of diabetes". They know their disease is real, but they know it isn't the essence of their personality and soul. The disease is just something that they have to pay attention to, so that they don't die. But it doesn't define who they are. ----- I think the same is true with mess/squalor/clutter/disorganization/hoarding. Messiness is a very serious and real behavior pattern -- that we must attend to, so that we and our loved ones can have decent lives. If we don't attend to it, our families can lose their social lives and also have damage to their health and safety. But messiness is NOT an "identity". ----- It's kind of like when alcoholics say at a meeting: "My name is X and I'm a alcoholic". They mean that their disease of alcoholism is deadly to themselves and wreaks havoc upon their loved ones. The disease of alcoholism must be faced every day so that it doesn't rear its ugly head. Yet recovery happens when alcoholics learn to see themselves as INTRINSICALLY positive, beautiful, and worthy persons: alcoholics can use that as a source/inspiration to change for the better. As a counterbalance ..... a 12step sponsor sees their 'sponsee' as a beautiful child of god who has become twisted by a horrid disease. The sponsor gives unconditional love to the sponsee. Yet the sponsor never enables or excuses any inappropriate behavior that the sponsee might try. This is a good analogy. Being vigilant to remind the alcoholic of the harm done by their drinking is not likely to promote recovery. I think the same applies to squalor.
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Post by Chris on Mar 29, 2013 11:04:26 GMT -5
Beautiful, wise words -- thanks for reposting Eris' message Lion -- there is Truth in her statement and it has the power to shift and expand our thoughts about our clutter and circumstances.
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Post by Starting Again on May 6, 2013 2:24:50 GMT -5
- Member "Eris" recently posted some wise words to a newcomer.
There is so much wisdom in that post, that I am reposting it here.Your house is NOT a metaphor for your inner psyche.
A messy house is not some sort of tragic, overarching story theme for your life! You've got to stop telling yourself so!
I can't tell you how much better I've gotten at cleaning since I figured this out! I can take five minutes to clean at any time without having to rewrite my personality or internal biography or whatever the hell else was holding me back. It's just cleaning!
A mess is just a thing. It's not you! It's outside of you. It's finite and impersonal and temporary. You deal with it, and it's gone! If it comes back, you deal with it again! Like schoolwork! Like taxes! Like grocery shopping! These things show up because of life, not because there's something personally wrong with you! Cleanies have messes too ~~ they just don't let it "prove" anything! I wish to thank Eris for sharing that with us.
And I wish to thank whoever inspired/taught her.( FYI ... Eris said it was okay that I copied her original post into this thread). - I thought this thread was worth bumping again, because it gives great advice. When my house is beautiful and well maintained, THEN can I let it be a theme for my life? I suppose I can in a way, but it still can't DEFINE me, just cheer me on.
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kylakevin
New Member
Joined: May 2013
Posts: 62
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Post by kylakevin on May 29, 2013 6:23:25 GMT -5
Thank you Eric for this kind saying.
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Post by CourageouslyLion SeeksSerenity on Apr 19, 2018 14:51:45 GMT -5
This thread is from 2009 but it's timeless, so I'm bumping it forward
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Post by Di on Apr 19, 2018 15:26:08 GMT -5
I have to agree, there is a mess in my bedroom. So what? I am not a mess (although at times I can be). This morning, I got up, got dressed, made my bed, took the dog to the vet, stopped on the way home and picked up lunch for my ill roommate. I walked outside and enjoyed the sunshine, and picked up my phone and called to check on a friend.
Yes, the mess is still there. Yes, I am working on it. It is slowly being resolved. I could scoop it up and box 📦 it and hide it, but instead I am dealing with each piece completely. My progress regarding my clutter may be slow. But I am taking time to live as well.
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Post by CourageouslyLion SeeksSerenity on Jul 22, 2019 16:28:18 GMT -5
bumping forward again
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Post by doodles on Jul 22, 2019 16:51:24 GMT -5
Thanks for bumping this CourageouslyLion SeeksSerenity. It is really wise and important. Sometimes a few sentences can really change your perspective; this is one of those times.
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Post by larataylor on Jul 23, 2019 6:23:13 GMT -5
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Post by dayeanu on Dec 21, 2019 19:42:34 GMT -5
I'm still not quite sure where I stand on this. Sometimes I think my mess perfectly reflects the mess inside of me... if my inner workings could be visible.
But it is very freeing to think it's not- my mess is just a collection of bad habits come home to roost.
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