Smokey
New Member
Baltimore MD
Joined: March 2009
Posts: 68
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Post by Smokey on Oct 6, 2009 9:50:24 GMT -5
What Script said. Most office and general social talk happens just to reassure a social tie. You know that a social "How are you?" question does not get any answer besides "Fine, how are you?" Now for Script's use of responding with something non-relevant -- and this usually only applies after you make one try at the bland answer. Here are a few that work well for me:
-- for the telemarketer: say immediately "it is really nice of you to call! Remember to put me on that do not call list like you said. And thanks again for calling!" Either hang up or put the phone down and leave the line open until the phone company cuts it off. -- for the aggressive panhandler: you say "oh thank you so much for asking! That is so good of you!" Walk on briskly. -- for the church/gutter cleaning etc. door-to-door folk: You say "it was so wonderful of you to stop by! Have a blessed day!" Close the door firmly and gently.
You get the gist I hope. You are perky, cheerful and make sure you burble with good will as you say thank you and close off further talk quick. Now you are smiling!
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Post by CourageouslyLion SeeksSerenity on Oct 6, 2009 10:18:19 GMT -5
Here are a few that work well for me:
-- for the telemarketer: say immediately "it is really nice of you to call! Remember to put me on that do not call list like you said. And thanks again for calling!" Either hang up or put the phone down and leave the line open until the phone company cuts it off. -- for the aggressive panhandler: you say "oh thank you so much for asking! That is so good of you!" Walk on briskly. -- for the church/gutter cleaning etc. door-to-door folk: You say "it was so wonderful of you to stop by! Have a blessed day!" Close the door firmly and gently.
You get the gist I hope. You are perky, cheerful and make sure you burble with good will as you say thank you and close off further talk quick. Now you are smiling! I do this too, Smokey! It works really well. I'm being the kind loving person I am, and keeping my smile. Yet I'm quick and firm, and walk away, and don't become a doormat. And, I've not sunken to being rude or agressive, even if the other person is being rude or aggressive. I don't stop to check the other person's reaction, as I've already walked away. But I sometimes imagine that they are surprised at being treated respectfully. And perhaps they will be less obnoxious to the next person on their list. ---
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Smokey
New Member
Baltimore MD
Joined: March 2009
Posts: 68
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Post by Smokey on Oct 8, 2009 9:21:16 GMT -5
A bit off topic here but I am looking at a cartoon I saved regarding unsolicited advice. My description falls short but here it is: Pregnant woman sitting on a bus is saying this to a buttinski (a.k.a. a nosy parker, people who always know best etc.) "Really? I'll be sure to remember that. Would you please write down your full name and address for me here? My lawyer told me I really need to get the sources for advisors like you just in case ..." I hope that translated properly. I just thinking about it especially since pregnant people really get a lion's share of intrusive talk from total strangers.
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Post by puppybox on Oct 8, 2009 14:54:29 GMT -5
I am so loving everyones good ideas here. I remember now something I learned in Japan:
background-1) I was an English teacher it was a conversation school (like Berlitz) rather than an academic setting. 2)a lot of Japanese are unbelievably shy, which doesn't stop them, but they shake (with fear or self consciousness) if you spoke to them, especialyl outside of class. 3) it was part of the job to be friendly in the lobby between classes.
so conversation would jsut be me asking questions and them trying to answer them. sometimes I would ask follow-up questions that i had no idea could be considered as too personal (due to cultural differences I hope, not my lack of sensitivity) and they would say -"it's a secret!" At first I was all excited, like oooh a secret, tell me! but I soon realised that it meant "that's private". and at first I felt embarrassed for asking a bad question but I learned that if you responded positively, like "ok then, so have you seen any good movies lately?" no one needed to be embarrassed or upset.
so:""it's a secret!" or "it's private" are also good subject closers.
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Post by xievajohnson on Oct 9, 2009 19:46:48 GMT -5
I'm very new to the board and enjoyed this thread very much. I think the simple "broken record" thing is the way to go, but how to pick the saying?! So many great ideas here.
My sense is that when people ask what you are doing this weekend, it a casual question and they expect you to be doing something more fun than they are. Maybe a good answer would be "I'm going on a treasure hunt".
I know if I were asked, I would feel as if they were intruding on my darkest secret. But I think they're often just off balance and so they stick their foot in their mouth.
0.02 from a newbie
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Post by disorganizeddragon on Oct 10, 2009 1:42:58 GMT -5
People like the ones buggin' the bejabbers out of BrightBeginnings push me into a red-level hissy fit. Everyone has their own way of dealing with these nosy nitwits, but I personally prefer sarcasm, the international language of Keep-Your-Blasted-Opinion-To-Yourself. After my last move, some of the people who knew I was organizationally-challenged would sidle up to me and ask, "So, what did you do last night (or over the weekend or whenever)? Did you finally get everything put away?" I would always answer with the most outrageous thing I could come up with off the top of my head, saying things like, "Why, no, I spent all weekend trying to discover a way to make dryer lint into a source of cheap fuel. You couldn't possibly want me to stop important research like that just to unpack, could you?" Or if someone said something about not understanding how I could live with everything in boxes, I would just look at them with the straightest face possible and say, "But if I unpack them, what will I use for furniture?" Hang in there, BB!
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Post by Lucky Laura Loving Life on Oct 10, 2009 17:13:41 GMT -5
Ironically the woman who know me have made no such comments. I guess they have more empathy. DD Thank the Lord did not inherit my hoarding tendencies. I am sure she probably wonders whats taking so long in my process to eliminate clutter,but she has never said such. DH is the only one who makes nasty remarks all the time regarding my struggling with it, eg:"Whats taking you so long?!?" "It's easy" "If you just would work on it,it would be done by now" etc... etc... etc... I know that since He has lived with me for 26 years He has more than the average interest. But at the same time, I would think He would understand a little more than most how hard it is. I think the broken record method may be something I could try. Love,Laura
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Post by creativechaos on Nov 16, 2009 3:19:52 GMT -5
hey bright; you are making great progress and doing things exactly the best way - at your own pace - so worry not about people who will never *get* it! agreed that "just throw it all out" is clueless and oh, so tiresome and irritating! those are fighting words for me! (hackles up) i love the suggestion pony gave to ask them a question back. "why do you ask?" is the very best, and usually stops people in their tracks. and if it doesn't, you can come up with a different grueling thing you have to do every weekend and ask them if they have a couple of hours to help. that'll shut them up and make them stop asking! if that doesn't do the trick, you could give them a snappy question such as "if i told you i had to shovel sh*t for 8 hours, would you want to give me a hand?" shopgirl nailed it. your co-workers have boring lives so they try to pry into yours. the old baby shower convo stopper! there are a lot of good ideas and insights here. hang in there, bright! cc
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Post by brightbeginning on Nov 16, 2009 8:21:22 GMT -5
Thank you everyone-I was surprised to see this post brought to the front again. Well, an update-it has been 3 1/2 months now that I am in my new place. I absolutely LOVE it here!!! All of my rooms are spotless except for the one bedroom that I used as a "dumping ground" for all the boxes and bags when I moved in. I just don't know what to DO with all the stuff!! In other words, I don't really need it, but want to save it anyway!! But it really doesn't bother me too much anymore because my home is clean, very large, beautifully decorated, and open to having someone in just about anytime!! I can't tell you what it feels like to have people be able to come by!! Anyway, the situation at work does not exist anymore-they simply stopped asking me!! I think that now, if they DID ask, I would just tell them that the place looks great-hey-they don't have to KNOW about my doom room, do they??
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Post by howardsgirlfriend on Nov 16, 2009 12:33:41 GMT -5
[quote author=brightbeginnings board=general thread=7258 post=101971 time=125837.....Anyway, the situation at work does not exist anymore-they simply stopped asking me!! [/quote]
I'm very curious: do you know why they stopped inquiring? Did you say something, or did it just blow over?
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Post by brightbeginning on Nov 16, 2009 14:00:13 GMT -5
No-I didn't say anything- I guess it just blew over because this all happened at the end of July ( when I moved, and the comments began). Guess they got too absorbed in their own problems to care about mine!!
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Post by mouseanne on Nov 16, 2009 14:57:24 GMT -5
Great advice!!!
When co-workers ask me, I say "house stuff". Which to them means laundry, sweeping, mopping, kitchen care, etc. That's what it means to me, too, of course! However, it also means "shoveling out" and decluttering.
I had a stay at home mom (friend) say to me several weeks after a move, you still have things in boxes? it was very hurtful. I had injured my elbow during the move (tennis elbow) and it hurt and I wasn't SUPPOSED to pick up the boxes. She'd have everything done in 2-3 days after a move. Well, she didn't have a job and she would work 24 hours a day until it was done. Even if I DIDN'T work, I could not have worked 24 hours a day due to my health issues.
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