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Somebody posted a thread about how relatives had moved and/or removed some of her belongings -- suddenly and without permission.
In the SUBJECT line of the thread, she said she
felt like she was being raped.Rather than replying to the original thread, I am starting a new thread.
Many years ago, I was raped (sexually assaulted) at knifepoint by two men. I assumed they were going to kill me. Even if they didn't kill me, they were raping me.
At that moment in time, it occurred to me that ... the rapists might try to take my body, but they were not taking ME.
I the soul, the living flame, my SELF ... am inviolate.
Nobody can take ME from me.
That was the only thing that got me through the experience. But it was still horrible.
Even though I called the police immediately afterwards ... the men were never caught. (Long story ... don't want to go into that here).
At that time, I resolved that I woudn't let that horrible experience control me. It lasted exactly 10 minutes. Ironically, the police interview and medical exam took several more hours after that.
I decided that I didn't want that experience to steal any more of my life. If the men had been caught, I would've have gone to court to see them jailed. But otherwise, I refused to allow the incident to take any more time and energy from my life.
It was a horrible thing to happen. But ... I am still ME. I am still the shining light of my soul. Nobody can take that from me.
That being said ... I was afraid to go out of the house for several months after I was raped ... as my assailants were not caught ... but ... I eventually fought off the fear, and no longer let it control me... and eventually, I resumed living a normal life. I decided that I would not allow myself to live in fear.
This happened many decades ago.
But when I read here that someone felt they were being raped ... it triggered old memories for me. I was scared for her. And upset. And I experienced many other emotions that I won't type here.
I realize that she was just honestly expressing her feelings .... She was simply saying "This is how I feel".
I will not tell any of you what you should or should not feel.
People feel what they feel.
I don't want to tell her how she should feel or not feel.
But this has been a tough week for me .... it's taken me days to process my emotional reaction to that thread.
What's kept me somewhat functional is remembering my long-ago vow to not let a crisis steal my energy. So I read the thread on Monday... and went out for a walk. I washed dishes. I did laundry. I had my spiritual time. I was stewing a bit ... but I forced myself to keep working and doing.
Each day this week, I've gone to my paid job, worked my eight hours, done some housekeeping maintenance, participated as a citizen in the political process, read a book, gone to 12-step meetings, had some fun, and taken care of my pets.
Slowly, during the week, while I was busy doing my own things ... my emotions sorted themselves out and calmed down. Now I am finally ready to start this thread.
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So ... here's my idea:
I wanted to open up a general discussion that's not about me or her ... or anyone in particular. A thread that's about the feelings that some (or many) of us experience.
My question to all of you is ....
What are our boundaries ?Where does your INNER SELF -- your "core being" begin and end ? Does that include your body?
DOES THAT INCLUDE YOUR STUFF ?
Are you so identified with your stuff that you'd feel RAPED if somebody else messed with your stuff?
Does that make any real sense?
WHY ? ? ? ? ? ?I'm posing questions to challenge our thinking and our assumptions.
If your house caught on fire ... or if there was a natural disaster ..... And you could only take WHAT YOU COULD CARRY .... What would you take (in addition to family members and pets)?
If you were physically maimed, would you still be YOU?
If you were a victim of rape or torture, would you still be "you" ? ? ? ? ?
What are your boundaries ? ? ? What is REALLY important?
What does it mean to be "violated"?
Can you live without your stuff?
I know this is a very difficult topic.
This is that giant elephant in the living room that nobody wants to mention. We all want to pretend it isn't there. But it's there. And .... I think it's worth discussing.
I believe the members of this board are respectful of one another and can discuss this in a helpful way. And .... I trust that people will read or participate according to their own comfort and safety levels.
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I am reminded of a thread that was on the old board.... The subject line was "
Are you grieving?"
People posted about tragic events in their lives ... that may have contributed to their fall into squalor. It was a very intense thread, in which each person posted their own personal experience, without critiquing anyone else's feelings.
I do know that rape (sexual assault) can cause intense feelings of rage, shame, and depression for many people. And ANGER !!!! Other forms of abuse can trigger these feelings, too. And sometimes, such feelings of overwhelming pain can trigger a tendency towards squalorousness.
I am starting this thread for two different reasons ...
- to question our boundaries between ourselves and our things.
- to bring healing to members of the community by giving a safe place for those who wish to discuss a painful memory.
My hope is that we can address this respectfully and all grow from this.
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NOTE: I understand there are members here who are hoarders and who really do identify strongly with their stuff.
My intent is NOT to criticize or make fun of those feelings.
My intent is to bring all of us together into the light of understanding. (Well that sounds a bit lofty but ... you know what I mean). I have faith that we can honor and respect different viewpoints here.---
Please keep in mind that this is a public forum and possibly might show up on search engines. Therefore, please change the details of your personal stories if you need privacy!
We could use the thread you are currently viewing for thoughts on attachment to our stuff, our boundaries,
and thoughts on how grief/anger impacts our squalor.
I've added a thread on Byways for more personal stories, as Byways is viewable by registered members only:
You can post there if it's too hard to post here.
takeonestepatatime.proboards.com/thread/1484 Many hugs to all,
In the spirit of recovery and healing,
Lioness
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