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Post by Sunshine on May 4, 2012 20:25:38 GMT -5
Hope this is okay to do - I wanted to bump this thread because it means so much to me. In our city, we get 1 regular rubbish pick up a week, and 1 recycling pick up a fortnight. This house has 2 regular rubbish bins (no idea why), so I am able to dispose of 5 bins of rubbish per fortnight. Since I joined here, every bin goes out the the curb every collection day, and they are usually full. Before, I could not have coped with putting recyclable materials into the regular rubbish, or binning things that 'might be useful someday'. Now, I'm downright cavalier about it, because I know that it will help me get through my current challenges. And as it gets under control, I'll go back the way I want to do things. One example - in my old house, I had a good composting system going. Since I moved to my current house, Sept 2010, I haven't set anything up. So, I had things in my pantry that have been waiting nearly 2 years to be thrown out, because I "should" compost them! This made it okay to just focus on the most important thing, which is to get all the trash out of the house. It's a beautiful day today, and maybe I'll get a compost system set up, maybe I won't. Either way, all the rubbish will continue to go! I think this thread is gold, and maybe someone will see it who hasn't before  |
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Post by Sunshine on May 4, 2012 20:26:24 GMT -5
Wheelie bins... marvellous things!
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Deleted
Joined: January 1970
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Post by Deleted on May 6, 2012 14:12:11 GMT -5
So true! It has helped me too.
My cluttering tends to go in cycles-- sometimes I'm able to keep things neat, and sometimes they get out of control.
When my house is a reasonable state, I really do make an effort to recycle, compost, and donate. In fact, it's easy to do so during those times.
But this past year, the clutter began to creep back in, so I'm playing catch-up right now.
Rather than keep an old pile of t-shirts waiting to be cut up for rags, they went straight to the trash. I don't miss them at all.
And today, as I was working my way through a big pile of dishes in the sink, I came across a peanut-butter jar. I started working on removing the label (because the labels clog up my dishwasher). It was kind of hard to remove, and I thought about soaking it, but then I remembered-- AMNESTY. It went into the trash, and as a result I used those minutes instead to wash dishes that I actually use! The sink is almost empty now. (I'm on a timer and taking a break at the moment.)
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Post by misssue on Jun 29, 2012 14:17:45 GMT -5
I think for me, the ability to toss things in the trash, and I have an amnesty of sorts is the key for a lot of getting rid of things. I have never had an issue with tossing out a jar with food, or an outdated can of something, other than the " why did I have to waste that, I buy too much" The idea of putting a tv or clothing etc in the trash, not that hard to do either for me. Someone wrote " I am not the Mother Theresa of Objects" I like that. I have to work on the.. I might need this some day. I also think in my mid fifties that what the heck will I do if I did want to downsize or something happened, that motivates me lately.
I know what a therapist would say, you can't see the forest for the trees, because many of us hyperfocus on an item and can not decide to toss, keep or donate. It is about the decision, and for some, focusing on one item, lets us not have to look at the big picture, because it is overwhelming to think of the sheer volume of the amount of decisions and things we have to get rid of, to live better. If throwing it out helps accomplish your goals, it is ok. You get to make that choice. One thing I learned in life and more since I divorced, I get to do what I want and with things, more so.
I never got the recycle connection to hoarding until I worked with someone, who became a friend. We worked with products and had napkins, cardboard, cans, food, plastic spoons by the thousands for events. IF I threw one package in the regular trash she dug it out and had to put in the stores recycling.. at one point she did not know we had a place for glass and I found out of guilt she took it home., like 80 jars to wash and recycle. We became good friends and she has a lot of issues, and my therapist friend explained some of it to me, but she told me this.. I have so little control over anything, and I feel this intense need to do this, save the planet, and I know on some level that I can't, but I have to do this. I knew that this was because she had so many issues and that for her, this was something that she thought she could control. She knew I was the opposite, and would never lay awake worried I put 200 plastic spoons in the landfill. I did get it, and because of her low self esteem, lack of respect from her kids and family, that this made her feel worthy. She is much better years later.. I convinced her to go back to school.
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Post by hiding on Jul 24, 2012 15:39:32 GMT -5
I am blatantly asking for some pats on the back for controlling myself at the recycling center. While I was waiting in line to have my refundables tallied, the man in front of me was moving a stash of electronics to the scale to be weighed. In my county, we have to pay to dispose of ewaste, with the exception of the once or twice a year free ewaste disposal days.
It was all I could do to not talk to the man. I wanted to tell him, "Don't pay to dispose of that stuff. Just carry it over to my truck. I'll take it off your hands and I will help you move it." I am a sucker or ewaste and I have a large store of it already. Among his ewaste was an older, sturdy computer case and an Epson scanner. I don't care if this stuff works or not. I want it. I'll fix what I can of the broken stuff, cannibalize what I can't fix, and then recycle the little bit that is left.
But I literally bit my tongue to not say anything. It actually physically hurts me to watch recoverable electronics thrown away or destroyed. I didn't dare call attention to this scene to my partner. He's just as bad or worse than I am. If I had told him about it, we would have enabled each other and left the recycling center with a truck full of dead electronics.
I guess that I am sicker than I ever thought!
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Post by CourageouslyLion SeeksSerenity on Jul 30, 2012 18:20:39 GMT -5
- I am blatantly asking for some pats on the back for controlling myself at the recycling center. While I was waiting in line to have my refundables tallied, the man in front of me was moving a stash of electronics to the scale to be weighed. In my county, we have to pay to dispose of ewaste, with the exception of the once or twice a year free ewaste disposal days. It was all I could do to not talk to the man. I wanted to tell him, "Don't pay to dispose of that stuff. Just carry it over to my truck. I'll take it off your hands and I will help you move it." I am a sucker or ewaste and I have a large store of it already. Among his ewaste was an older, sturdy computer case and an Epson scanner. I don't care if this stuff works or not. I want it. I'll fix what I can of the broken stuff, cannibalize what I can't fix, and then recycle the little bit that is left. But I literally bit my tongue to not say anything. It actually physically hurts me to watch recoverable electronics thrown away or destroyed. I didn't dare call attention to this scene to my partner. He's just as bad or worse than I am. If I had told him about it, we would have enabled each other and left the recycling center with a truck full of dead electronics. I guess that I am sicker than I ever thought! I am blatantly asking for some pats on the back for controlling myself at the recycling center.  - |
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Post by Freedom on Jul 30, 2012 21:05:46 GMT -5
Amnesty is really helping me shed  |
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Post by hiding on Aug 3, 2012 15:35:29 GMT -5
Someone's cluttler ended up in my yard. Yesterday, on the part of our yard outside the fence I found misc items strewn about. I really couldn't tell if the items were supposed to be trash or not. Most of the items were little kids clothes with a couple of kitchen items and a coffee cup with dried gunk in it thrown in. Some of the clothes were dirty and some weren't. We left the stuff there for 24 hours in case the owner did want them and came back. No one did.
I put on gloves, gathered up everything and threw it all away. I can't tell you how much that hurt me. I'm getting teary again thinking about it. There are a lot of very poor people in our County. I keep thinking about the kids being minus some of their clothes.
My natural inclination was to gather everything, wash it, and put a notice on Craig's List and maybe some notices in Laundromats.
I didn't because:
-I am not responsible for keeping track of everyone's stuff. I have more than enough trouble with my own.
-I have no idea what pathogens might be on the lost/tossed items.
-The Fire Dept paid Sweetie a visit to say someone is complaining about our yard. There is one nasty, nosy woman in our neighborhood who seems to be hassling everyone about everything. She is probably the one who called the fire dept. (She bothered her next door neighbor about his car. His car is an 80s car and not shiny and newly painted. However, it runs, doesn't smoke, doesn't leak fluids. I think she just doesn't like the way it looks.)
We don't have trash in the yard. In fact, we have an obviously active vegetable garden and fruit trees. We do have piles of cut brush and those are, understandably, of fire concern.
Anyway, the yard is House Beautiful compared to the inside of the house. We don't want to draw attention to the house so we will neaten up the yard.
For these reasons I tossed the lost or dumped things I found in our yard outside of our fence.
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Post by CourageouslyLion SeeksSerenity on Aug 3, 2012 15:46:18 GMT -5
I put on gloves, gathered up everything and threw it all away. I can't tell you how much that hurt me. I'm getting teary again thinking about it. There are a lot of very poor people in our County. I keep thinking about the kids being minus some of their clothes.
My natural inclination was to gather everything, wash it, and put a notice on Craig's List and maybe some notices in Laundromats.
I didn't because:
-I am not responsible for keeping track of everyone's stuff. I have more than enough trouble with my own.
-I have no idea what pathogens might be on the lost/tossed items.
-The Fire Dept paid Sweetie a visit to say someone is complaining about our yard.
Great job! |
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Post by hiding on Aug 3, 2012 17:14:27 GMT -5
Thanks Lion! I need those pats. They help me to press on.
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Post by dayeanu on Sept 29, 2012 10:52:25 GMT -5
I want to attest to the wisdom of the above. During the Great Desqualoring, I could never have recycled/donated/Freecycled or craigslisted my acres of stuff. If I had tried, I would never have gotten it done. Now, however, and for the past four-and-a-half years, I have been able to recycle, donate, etc. in exactly the way Lioness describes. My recycling goes out as soon as it is full, and if I decide to donate stuff, it goes to the donation site that very day. It does not take up permanent residence in my hallway or closet. I figure I've more than made up for the stuff I just trashed during the worst of The Main Event. I now properly dispose of batteries & leftover paint, even those weird spirally light bulbs. But that's only because I gave myself amnesty when I really had to. This is speaking to me this morning. The acres of stuff . . . I have to let go . . . Pry my clingy little fingers off the stuff. Heck, at least 3/4th of my clothes no longer fit - I realized that while trying to pack for Squalorfest! I must let go, I must let go, I must let go . . . |
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Post by maggie on Sept 29, 2012 17:51:02 GMT -5
I just threw something out -- some kind of kid art kit. No idea where it came from, and my kids probably would enjoy fooling around with it for an hour or so, even though the package was open and a little grubby. I have mixed feelings. On the one hand, it could have been used and what a waste. On the other, yay, I don't have to deal with finding a place for it (it was poster sized). I just tell myself "amnesty."
Anyway, when I saw this post, I had a thought. I have a hard time getting rid of things because I see value in them, and probably more value than most people would see in them. But what I don't see is the cost. For example, for the umpteenth year in a row, I did not get a certain government form filed by the deadline. Still haven't done it. I will get it done eventually, but I will probably have to pay a penalty of $250 or so. This happens every year, and it's not that it's a difficult form to fill out -- I just have to have all the papers and receipts gathered up to go through. If I had an orderly office, it would have been a snap.
So instead of thinking about how it would cost so and so much to replace things if I regretted getting rid of them, I should think about the ongoing cost of keeping them. I expect it would be at most $2000 worth of stuff I would want to replace with the same thing (probably not even that much), but I am going on what, ten, fifteen years of always paying this stupid penalty? Keeping it all has cost me more than getting rid of it all!!!! And that doesn't even begin to factor in the credit card interest I have paid buying stuff that was never used.
Amnesty, amnesty, amnesty.
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Post by onwardandupward on May 4, 2013 11:31:28 GMT -5
I am giving myself amnesty for the next 6 weeks. Things are not too far out of hand except for my bedroom, but I have boxes in the garage to go through and level 1 around the house that I don't want to get worse. Between a full time job, being a single mom and volunteer work commitments, I really need a break from worrying about the fate of items and just concentrate on getting rid of things.
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Post by ramatama on May 4, 2013 12:03:46 GMT -5
everybody needs to take such breaks onwardandupwawrd, in fact, I've been doing that most of April. Take care!  |
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Mare
New Member
Joined: August 2013
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Post by Mare on Aug 22, 2013 18:01:30 GMT -5
I know this is long but I found it so helpful I wanted to bump this up and see if its still timely and valuable for others as well. I will be doing some reading (links below) so will be back, but will also be thinking about the gist - Permission to Throw Away in the Trash Even the Good Stuff! Dear friends, I realize that many of us want to donate, recycle, or sell "perfectly good" items ... Some even want to do swaps/exchanges to trade in our old stuff for other people's old stuff. But ... most of us don't have the SPACE, time, and energy ... to keep and sort and organize items to donate or sell or recycle. If you are clearing out ... you are hereby given PERMISSION to THROW AWAY everything into the TRASH. Throw away even the good stuff. If it's crowding your life, it's not "good". You have amnesty from any obligation to donate or recycle or sell. You can just Throw. It. Away. In. The. Trash. Really! You can. And ... most of us MUST do that eventually. We find that donating is not just not feasible. Someday, AFTER our homes are unhoarded and desqualored, when we've got a CLEAN and CLEAR home, and have HABITS of daily cleaning .... maybe THEN ... we can set up one box in a closet to put donation items into, and then bring it immeditately to a donations center when it's full. Unpollute your home first. Once you gotten your home unpolluted and can keep it clean over a period of time ... then you can think about unpolluting the Earth. You cannot effectively unpollute a planet ... when living in a home polluted by too much stuff. Confused by what I'm saying? Read the following threads. They are very powerful. Amnesty from obligation to "properly" dispose of stufftakeonestepatatime.proboards.com/thread/4090Releasing guilt from not having time/energy to sell stuff
(includes info about "Sunk Costs")takeonestepatatime.proboards.com/thread/18634Description of one person's thought-process
as she decided to give herself amnesty about an item:takeonestepatatime.proboards.com/thread/18563Amnesty from obligation to donate clothingtakeonestepatatime.proboards.com/thread/8365Learning to ignore unreasonable expectations
regarding how donations should be done
(includes "Don't J.A.N.E.")takeonestepatatime.proboards.com/thread/17528Releasing guilt about wastefulnesstakeonestepatatime.proboards.com/thread/9296Breaking the so-called "rules" for getting rid of stufftakeonestepatatime.proboards.com/thread/5847Pantry/Fridge amnesty ... Letting go of foods you dislike, whether they're old or new:takeonestepatatime.proboards.com/thread/4958"Request Amnesty Here"
with the SOS Fairy Godmother
waving her Magic Wand of Amnesty
and giving official permission to all those in need:takeonestepatatime.proboards.com/thread/9237/?scrollTo=122165&page=1(Entire thread is three pages long. The certification from Fairy Godmother was written by "Evelyn", and it is on page one of the thread, at approximately the 12th reply.)
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