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Post by TML on Feb 10, 2023 7:28:21 GMT -5
Hi Everyone! Sending Good Energy to Everyone for a Productive and Happy Friday and Weekend!  I am going to baby step it and just keep going! Piti piti, zwazo fè nich (Little by little, the bird builds its nest) 🏡  Healing Holiday Weekend: Regular 🌸 Friday, 🐠 Saturday, 🏞️Sunday LTG 🌺 Friday, 🧜🏻♀️ Saturday, 🌌 Sunday Current Focus 🐝 NA 🌿 Work Stuff for at home 👩🏼💻 Part A: Part B: Report: Trash Recycle bring big trash can into garage to fill 🏞️and recycle can 🏞️ trash out for trash collection Grocery Order Grocery pick up Grocer unload Grocery put away Laundry Sort Wash Dry Fold Put up Dishes Sort Pick up Soak Wash Dish Washer load Dish Washer Run Wash Put Up (right now just prewash for DW) Dish Washer Put up PEEP De Clutter Gathering boxes Kitty Care Kitty Litter box Self Care Mom Care 24 hour meal plan Exercise PT Vacuum Mop floor Dust Sweep Bedroom M Bathroom M Bedroom G Bathroom G Kitchen Living Room Laundry Area Entry Dining Room Closet Fridge Clean fridge Cabinet food sorting Freezer food sorting Mail Shred empty shredder Bills Paper organize Finances Taxes Subscription check and delete Email organize (home) Email organize (work) errands boxes off porch boxes open boxes breakdown Car Garage Medications Meds Pick up 🌿 Meds set out for 28 days 🌿 Dr visit Journal am Journal pm House Journal |
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Post by TML on Feb 10, 2023 7:50:02 GMT -5
I have been missing as it was a really bad week. I am not sure how much reading back I will have time to do.
The good news is the kitties are napping together and sleeping all cuddled up again. We seem to be through the disaster of the cat soap opera.
The bad news: Mom and I got in a huge argument and have finally sort of made up. Her excuse for it all was that someone stole her phone and imitated her on the phone so it was not her that did all that. (It would have been more believable if it had not all occurred in a single phone conversation - ie her being pffffft, me getting upset, and then her claim phone was stolen and it was someone else who sounded just like her at the start of the conversation that said all that. Plus part of it was her wanting me to come over and not taking now is not a good time answer (even though they have 15 residents and 6 staff member with covid (not Mom)) and I am still recovering and trying not to get covid again. So she was essentially the same pfffft when i was over there in person that the phone thieves who stole her phone mid phone call and impersonated her were.
She then proceeded to call me in the middle of the night (yay for phone do not disturb technology) and when i called her back in the morning - she was boo hooing and talking baby talk (about her self) about how upset she was that I got so mad about the situation. (Here is the situation - for weeks she has been bugging me about secret stuff that she can’t tell me over the phone that is life or death. I must come over - NOW! One of her plans was during the subzero weather was for us to meet in parking lot - her with wheel chair rolled out by CPN and me with car window rolled down as her phone was being listened in by the switch board operator. I told her it was to cold outside and the cell phone she has is mine, in my name, and there is no switch board operator, that even I as the owner have no idea what she says on that phone unless she is talking to me. So just spill it.
Well she kept at it…. Secret life and death omg i must come over even though they keep having raging covid over there and no she cannot tell me the big secret over the phone. So that day (the day of the “stolen” phone she goes all in to get me over there and it has to be NOW! So I had to leave work due to family emergency as she is having a breakdown of some sort and potential harm. I get there not very happy about having to go into a COVID environment and I need to finish my work. So then she goes all cute and batty eyes and is —- oh i didn’t mean you had to come now. I just meant I would like to see you in person and not face time. I said what is the big life or death thing. So then she tells me the nursing home is sneaking sugar into her water and milk to make her diabetes worse - they are trying to kill her. I said unlike all the cake, pie, pudding, cookies, and sundaes that she demands the staff give her even though the nutritionist has talked to her 3 times about it and diabetes (so this is WORST LIE EVER).
So then as i am back working (working from home) trying to catch up she then calls me a again and starts in about my attitude regarding her life and death situation (ie the fake sugar in the drinks - yet she drinks sweetened fruit juices just fine and demands them). I told her how many spoonfuls of sugar would she think it would take to put in the water to equal the big slice of chocolate cake with icing she had with dinner the other night (she claims she is old so she should not be put on a restrictive diet but just adjust it with insulin). So phone call is her wanting me to apologize and …… I am still ticked off at her and said no way and told her why i was upset then she flips and says oh i understand it was a stolen phone I never demanded you come over and i never said all those things to you earlier in the call.
So she is going to guard her phone closely and make sure no one calls me many times at 2, 3, 4, 5 am in the morning or during work to harass me about BS while pretending to be her. I said fine you do that. So hopefully for the rest of the week things will be better with her or at least the nursing homes problem.
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Post by ohblondie on Feb 10, 2023 8:56:35 GMT -5
My world is just crumbling out from under me. I know others have gone through this so I know people understand. The ALF notified my sister yesterday that they can no longer care for my dad. He has to transition to a nursing home. 65 years together and my parents have to be separated. We were not very happy with the care they got at the ALF but they were together. I held my dad has he cried when he left his home of 21 years. Now I have to tell him he is going to a nursing home. I have been crying all night and all day. We are a very close family.
I am not asking for pity or anything. I know many of you have had to deal with the same issues. Boy it is hard.
To top it off - this is distracting me from my work and causing issues. I have dropped deadlines. Maybe it is time to retire. ALF offered a discount to families employed by my employer. If they arent there anymore it doesnt matter. I wish this was motivating me instead of making me paralyzed and not able to think.
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Post by TML on Feb 10, 2023 9:07:09 GMT -5
ohblondie sending hugs and mental support. It is hard caring for aging parents. I am so sorry to hear that your parents will be separated in their living arrangements. Is you Dad well enough that you could take him and your mother out on a weekend. Or if not just take your mother to visit him on the weekends. I know what you mean about work suffering due to caregiving. I would not retire just yet until you get through this and have time to think it through. Can you get a caregiver time off due to parental responsibilities. We have that option where i work. Sort of like child care emergencies but with parents. I forget what it is called.
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Post by peaceseeker on Feb 10, 2023 9:33:13 GMT -5
hugs all around....
Good morning everyone!
am meds
smoothie
fitbit
water
goal meeting 2x/week M T W F
goal PT 2x/week
pay bills
BREANNE for help - left 2 messages
call Dr B no call from referral - make appt 6 mo - left 2 messages
call radiation financial office
Dr J referrals including parking
read as able chapter 7 enhancing motivation
pm meds
calendar
charge
set alarm
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Post by ohblondie on Feb 10, 2023 9:35:36 GMT -5
TML Paid Family Leave.....We dont have it yet but we will soon. Hopefully in time....
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Post by ohblondie on Feb 10, 2023 9:46:00 GMT -5
Well despite everything that happened last night I still got things done. I went to the grocery store and bought some things for our tailgate party at work I put the pork in the crockpot to cook overnight. I made pulled pork sliders. I made the coleslaw to put on top of the sliders (or to the side) I fed and watered the dog (  - image of a watering can.......I freshened her water bowl) I deposited a personal check via online banking I managed some self control and did not eat the donuts and cookies DH brought in. idiot - he should be eating much better as well! |
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Post by desposito on Feb 10, 2023 9:58:21 GMT -5
Good morning cando, TML, ohblondie and PS.
TML, wow, from what you wrote it's hard to tell what is dementia on your mom's part, and what is manipulation. Even the manipulation sounds like dementia if she expects you to believe that her phone was stolen and you were talking to someone else. You must need a ton of patience when talking to her.
Ohblondie, I don't know what sort of facilities you have by you, but is there any kind of place where they can be together? I'm learning a lot about how facilities work from my friend in independent living, and she told me her home just decided to make a switch to the type of care they offer in the independent living section so they can keep more couples together. So if one person needs more care they don't have to move out of independent living, they can stay with their partner but just get more care there. I know that all facilities are expensive and you can't always choose just based on what services they offer. I can't imagine how awful you feel having to be the one to tell your dad he has to move somewhere else.
Honestly, all of you guys taking care of your parents need every family leave, or vacation time, or support service that you can possibly get, you all have the hardest jobs.
Okay, now that I've started out the morning crying for you guys, I will try to make a plan so that I don't waste today. I don't have to go anywhere and I have no phone calls, except possibly my decluttering client, so time to get things done.
Diane
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Post by phoenixcat on Feb 10, 2023 9:58:24 GMT -5
Sending hugs ohblondie - it is very difficult when a couple is at two levels of care. Thinking of you and glad you have a close knit family to support you all.  |
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Post by cando on Feb 10, 2023 10:05:56 GMT -5
ohblondie I can’t remember what issues your Dad has. Can he walk? Is he needing IVs? Around here the ALFs usually do “age in place”. Meaning you can stay, but might need to be on hospice. The ALFs usually cannot do IVs. Typically the nursing home care around here, is worse care but they do have nurses so can have IVs, etc. and they have Drs. However, they’re understaffed & the nurse patient ratio is so high! My understanding is it’s that way all over. Nursing home that Mom was in Tennessee was the best in the region! And not just the large city we were in but over some surrounding states. We couldn’t get her out of there quick enough. We did leave a day earlier than their discharge plan. So sorry this is happening to your parents. Ours also after 65 years of marriage! Covid caused that. My dad never made it back to the ALF. That’s how we learned even more about nursing homes. In & out of hospitals & SNF rehabs. SNFs we’re horrible. He was in 3 different ones. And Moms been in3 different ones. The best one in our area was just as bad from what friends told me who had their loved ones there. My mom is currently in a Group Care Home that is an ALF & owned by a nurse & only 5 residents. There have been some cons, but mostly pros. Is the ALF a group care home? I so wish that I could have had them both in my home. Another question, do your parents have LTC insurance? Do you have someone you can talk to who can tell you all the benefits Re: Medicare & what it pays for? Like home health care. They also go to ALFs. Ignore me if you already know the Medicare options. You don’t have to respond. Wishing you the very best !
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Post by cando on Feb 10, 2023 10:19:32 GMT -5
TML definitely sounds like dementia issue. Sometimes a medication issue can cause things like this or a UTI. May not exhibit other symptoms. Please have urinalysis done & make sure they haven’t started slipping an additional medication to her or changed something. Both things especially if this is fairly new behavior. Otherwise. If already been diagnosed with dementia or similar. It will help to be like, “oh mom, I will get your phone back for you in a couple days. It takes that long, or I will get them to stop. I’ll be there later & will fix those problems. “ I know, little white lies. Is her memory that good she’ll remember? Broken record, I’m sick. Will get there as soon as I can. I love you soo much. Try to distract her. Tell her a funny story to make her laugh in the meantime if you can. If she likes singing. Sing a song with her. If you truly think there is something wrong with her phone or whatever. Have someone there take it & shut the power. They can tell her they are fixing it & have them keep it for you. So sorry you are going thru so much! Cd
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Post by ohblondie on Feb 10, 2023 10:30:39 GMT -5
cando he has a severe case of neuropathy and cannot walk. No idea where it came from. He is not diabetic or a smoker or drinker. it is the transfers that staff cannot handle. I have offered to have someone come in and teach them but they refused.
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Post by desposito on Feb 10, 2023 10:56:40 GMT -5
TO DO:
10 minutes PEEPing 10 minutes on paper Restock water in fridge Delete 10 hard emails
Diane
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Post by catcats on Feb 10, 2023 11:04:02 GMT -5
Dear TML---I read your post about your dear Mom and the phone scenario and just want to say that I am so sorry you are dealing with this while you are trying to work, sleep, etc. It sounds like a nightmare and I can't imagine how you can have any peace of mind with this. Prayers and good thoughts sent that your Mom may stop doing this or that someone may figure out how to help her so that both she and YOU may have some peace. HUGS.
Dear Oh Blondie, how sad that your Dad and your Mom are having to be separated because of the different levels of care. And your poor Dad with neuropathy so bad. For some reason, a couple of years ago, I had bad neuropathy for a few months, no reason found and it did go away later. It was absolutely miserable and that experience makes me feel sad for anybody going through that pain. ( I was given a scrip for Gabapentin which helped. Thank goodness, it eventually went away.) Hugs for you and prayers that some way is found to alleviate this stress in your family, about being separated, etc.
Just wanted to weigh in about my feelings for your families, going through so much. I remember when I was still nursing, when things came up in the family or even with my DH, it made it so hard to go to work and perform.
Love to all,
catcats
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Post by bree on Feb 10, 2023 11:22:43 GMT -5
oh my TML and ohblondie I am so sorry for these difficult situations. TML you are so good to your mom, as I recall she has been a challenge for years? (If I'm wrong, sorry!). it does sound like dementia here too with the poisoning talk. I hope you can keep your good boundaries! ohblondie i hope you can find someplace where your parents can stay together. that is so sad. this must be a common problem for most people who are married eventually, seems like there'd be a solution. My parents are both gone now; they were in independent living and my dad fell and was in the hospital for about six weeks and passed away. my mom ended up in a memory care unit, it was wonderful loved it, but eventually needed more care and was in a SNF that was supposed to be one of the best but it was not. someone there actually stole her engagement ring. that just broke my heart. Do you use next door? you could probably put a question out there about SNF or places that allow multi levels of care and get some information. I always chime in with our SNF experience on there when anyone asks. I am being more productive working from home today. I think yesterday I was just so worn out. I took puppy to daycare bought myself some caffeine! and now I am working away at lunch I have to go to the drug store and post office I have a really dumb meeting today. I met with a project team a few weeks ago and the lead suggested and planned a follow up for 1.5 hours! they want us to break into small groups and brainstorm and report back to the full group. such a colossal waste of time for a non priority. I have one other meeting that I called that I am kind of dreading but is an important info gathering time cando your comments make me want to work at home full time again! I like the hybrid model but you pointed out all the good points like a gym or a book . club. and the sheer joy of no commute ever. I do like the access to better tech at the office. maybe I'll apply if it is still open last night (inspired by ohblondie's party thread -- and the idea to do a little bit every day) I decided I have to tackle my room. it is a mess. it is my storage site for things I don't know what to do with. I guess it is a room of no decisions made stuff! So I am going to plan to do at least 10-15 minutes in there a day and slowly make the hard decisions. I have a lot of souvenir clothes - beautiful clothes from a lower weight and from when I got dressed up for work. they are quality clothes, some might actually still be in style as they are kind of timeless (no huge shoulder pads!). but does my tiny house need a clothing musuem?? and when I am gone I can see DD tossing them w/out a second thought, she is not sentimental in the least. so hard work but maybe in tiny bites I can get it done! so last night I went through my earrings and ferreted out ones missing their mate, or broken, or that I don't like. I did keep a box of hopefuls - ones that I like and I hope someday their partners emerge! I have some to donate too. just a baby step but a start. |
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