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Post by heylady1 on Aug 25, 2008 17:32:54 GMT -5
Rose I'm concerned about you too Help me to understand you. You live at your parents "extra" house. They came in and started touching some of your stuff. But they did ask you what you wanted done with your stuff and you told them to throw it away. You believe they want you to leave but are you sure about this?? You need to be calm and coherant and come right out and ask them if they want you to leave. For some reason I don't think they do. Please, please ask them if they want you to leave....just don't go on your own!! I am worried about you with no place to go..... Edited to add: If they moved your things from the house and garage into some storage buildings then you still have everything it's just been moved!! It doesn't sound to me like they want you gone!!!
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Post by pegasus48 on Aug 25, 2008 17:33:17 GMT -5
OK, I understand that they moved your things into storage buildings. (Making you feel raped, invaded, disrespected. ) What did they say about you moving? Did they say you have to move out, and if so by when? I am concerned for you and need to understand more.
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Post by zinnia on Aug 25, 2008 17:42:16 GMT -5
Correct me if I am wrong, but it sounds like they wanted you to clean up the inside of the house you are living in (that they own), and they got impatient about it and suddenly came to move your things to storage building(s) there/very close. And your feelings are hurt and you are very upset (of course!) and it seems to you that they must want YOU out also. Is that it? But they didn't exactly tell you to leave?
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Post by roseoftexas on Aug 25, 2008 17:56:46 GMT -5
I just sent my Mom this email:
Then I called and told her I sent her the email and could she please respond. I told her on the phone I didn't know what to do, could she please tell me what she wanted. She said that was up to me to decide. That is confusing to me.
What does she want? She said she wanted to call, but my Dad said no. She said she just wants the house 'presentable'.
That is confusing to me. What is 'presentable' to one person is not necessarily 'presentable' to the next. Obviously.
I have a headache. This is not a good situation to be in.
They came here and started moving and touching everything. They had some sort of idea about what they were doing, with my stuff, of which I had no clue. The only thing I can think of is just to get out of their space - their property.
She angrily said she would respond to the email.
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Post by zinnia on Aug 25, 2008 18:04:44 GMT -5
If she wants certain things done a certain way, she needs to communicate exactly what she is talking about. Maybe things like: Put all trash in plastic trash bags and put them outside in the trash can every day? Things like that?
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Post by roseoftexas on Aug 25, 2008 18:11:14 GMT -5
They just started moving things. I just stood there. They did not ask - I was just standing there. There was a confrontation. I left. They continued whatever they were doing. My dad comes to ask me to help them. I got angry. So they finished doing whatever it was they were doing and left, with some of my stuff, in the back of their vehicle.
I apologize to you all. A very disturbing and upsetting situation for me. Maybe my mom will clarify via email what it is that she wants, and I can do that. They just came out of nowhere; I felt helpless to stop them. They wouldn't stop, but they finally did and left.
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Post by heylady1 on Aug 25, 2008 18:15:37 GMT -5
You certainly have the right to leave but it doesn't sound to me like they want to make you leave. It sounds like they want to make you clean up. Let go of some stuff too. Which can be hard. Letting go of things can be terribly difficult, but to me, even more difficult would be to be homeless.....so I think it would be time to let go of stuff. As far as keeping the house presentable, of course everyone has their own standards but generally speaking it means; taking out the trash daily, doing dishes daily, not letting laundry pile up, picking up after yourself daily and not having more stuff than you have room for. (ie; no goat trails) dusting and vacuuming as needed.... Good luck to you Rose, I'm sure everything will work out in the long run!!!
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Post by moggyfan on Aug 25, 2008 18:39:50 GMT -5
Rose, dear,
I am so sorry you are so very upset. Perhaps being suddenly awakened from a deep sleep made it harder for you to understand what the heck was going on?
Don't do anything rash, like leave. Try to quiet yourself. Do you have a therapist that you could call to talk this out with?
Find a comfy spot and curl up with a purring kitty at least. Make a cup of tea.
I recall that your relationship with your parents, esp. mom, has been on the tumultuous side. Take a cooling off period for at least the rest of today. I am certain they don't want you to leave.
Post again when you can. Good vibes to you meantime.
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Post by houseworkhater on Aug 25, 2008 18:44:17 GMT -5
i understand that they did not physically hurt you but i was extremely concerned because your writing is usually so sharp and your post was so unlike your usual writing style.
are you feeling any better? it sounds like they just moved your stuff but didn't toss it, is that true?
i will keep checking to see if you have posted. thinking of you...
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Post by Arid on Aug 25, 2008 19:05:22 GMT -5
Rose: Is my memory serving me correctly? As I recall, the whole family routinely gets in a big uproar whenever this particular uncle is coming for a visit. Is it possible that your uncle called to announce on short notice that he is coming for another visit? If so, that might be what prompted your parents to begin frantically moving your things out of the garage. Don't get me wrong--I'm NOT saying that it was the right thing for them to do!!! They should have respected the fact that they were YOUR things and that they should have given you the chance to wake up from being sound asleep BEFORE having to make a split-second decision.
Frankly, unless it is his house--and it is my understanding that it is not--it is NONE of his business whether or not you have things stored in the garage. After all, we are talking about a garage for goodness sakes!!! Is your uncle expecting to stay at your house? Is he intending to park his car in the garage there? Especially, if he is staying with your parents, your having some of your belongings stored in their garage is none of his business. Why are your parents so terrorized by this uncle? That's the real question?!!!
It sounds to me like your parents were clueless as to how distressing and disturbing their actions would be to you. I truly doubt that they had any intention whatsoever of upsetting you. They, themselves, were reacting fearfully to your uncle's intended visit, and they lost all common sense in the situation. They should be mature enough to tell this man that a) it is their house; b) you have their permission to live there, and c) there is nothing wrong with your storing some of your belongings in the garage. (As I recall, you were keeping things boxed up out there *expressly* to keep from cluttering up your parents home with too much *stuff.*)
I'll be praying for you Rose.
Please, know that we care about you.
Arid
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Post by roseoftexas on Aug 25, 2008 19:42:42 GMT -5
are you feeling any better? it sounds like they just moved your stuff but didn't toss it, is that true? Yes, I am feeling a little better and less disoriented. I got something to eat and took my meds and ate. I also took some headache meds. I don't know where they would throw away the stuff they took - it was a bunch of portable/folding bookshelves in boxes. As far as I can tell, that's all they took. No, I think about it and doubt they threw it away. I just did not see or hear them putting it in either of the sheds out back. It just caught me totally off guard. It is hard for me to deal with my stuff as it is. Much less someone else moving it about and taking it here and yon, without my having any say in it. Plus I had some artwork of a private/personal nature they were fixing to uncover. I suspect my mom may have uncovered part of it and stopped. Finally. I felt like they wanted me to leave because if there is no room for my stuff, I reckon there is no room for me. Not physically, but spiritually I guess. During the confrontation, my mother was hollering about it being 2 years of my living here and I haven't done anything with the stuff. And hollering about "you kids" (me and my brother - in regards to my brother - who is off living his own life and making his own choices, which are unpopular choices with the parents and my uncle). I think it is very difficult for my mom to face her older brother, especially after some of my brother's recent chocies which they just announced to the family. That has nothing to do with me. Funny you put it that way. It seems that we do. My mom said something about an answering machine message from Saturday and a follow-up call from my uncle; I'm not sure when she talked to him. Maybe it was just today. She replied to my email with the following: I am glad I sent her the email because I would've started working on trying to make the house 'presentable'. The house isn't squalorous, and yes everything is in the garage in order to keep the house from becoming squalorous. Apparently, the plastic bags full of all my stuff are the greatest problem so I will address them first.
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Post by roseoftexas on Aug 25, 2008 19:50:01 GMT -5
I can just move the plastic bags directly to the sheds. I am glad to have a sense of direction. Thank you all for all the supportive comments and thoughts and prayers. I really appreciate it. Very very much. I felt very alone because I felt I had no one to call. Coming here and posting has really helped. Thank you all so much. Love, Rose
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Post by houseworkhater on Aug 25, 2008 20:04:55 GMT -5
oh rose, i am so glad you are feeling a bit better. your parents really sound like they love you and your mom was very specific, which i am sure was helpful.
please update us when you can.
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Post by pegasus48 on Aug 25, 2008 20:32:13 GMT -5
Rose, I am so glad your mom clarified what she wanted. I don't think they want you to leave at all! Yes, it sounds like moving the bagged up stuff to the storage units is the first priority. Then you can spiff up the rest as needed. Thank goodness you all straightened that out. And I am glad you are feeling better. Here is a big cyber hug for you.
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Post by mellowyellow on Aug 25, 2008 20:44:32 GMT -5
Rose, it sounds like your mother is a very caring person, if her email is any indication. She wrote in a very nonconfrontational way and definitely showed her respect for your items (the part about storing important things and hot and cold, etc.). I am glad that you emailed her, and that she was able to clarify. Sometimes we think the worse of a situation, until someone calmly explains.. step by step.
In my child and early teen years, when I was away (camping, travelling, etc.), my dad would often take it upon himself to totally clean and reorganize my room. On one hand, I was always mortified (wondering if he had encountered anything bad, gross, inappropriate).. On the other hand, I realized how much he loved me, and how it was his way to actively help me, in the only way he knew how. He knew I wasn't able to organize my things, and would never ask for help. This was his way to do what he does best - logically and methodically organize a living space. And secretly, after the embarassment cleared, I was always happy to have a beautifully clean space again.
Sometimes I miss his methodical ways...
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