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Post by gottaproblem on Apr 26, 2010 14:42:32 GMT -5
Thank you for the reminder.
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Post by jkordestani on Apr 26, 2010 15:57:53 GMT -5
Thanks for this post and for bumping it so newcommers couldread it. Lioness, you have put into words what has eluded me my whole life. I had always thought that I could get everything cleaned up, and then I could maintain a clean house. But you never get there unless you abstain from neglectful behavior (whatever that means for each of us individually). I truly appreciate the addiction analogy because when thing are going well for me and I am not neglecting my messes, I have felt afraid to let one mess go - then the whole ship would sink and I would spiral into that neglectful place. Maybe this is what an addict feels when the take that first sip after a period of sobriety, they take a drink and then they give in. Thank you so much for your wisdom and generosity of your time to all of us here. You are truly a courageous one.  |
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Blackswan
Banned
Joined: October 2008
Posts: 6,388
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Post by Blackswan on Apr 26, 2010 19:47:36 GMT -5
I noticed that you mentioned the fourth dimension, or I guess the AA big book did. I was just typing in my other thing about how that term has been popping up like crazy for me the last three days. And you wrote this so long ago! Amazing! The rest of the post was really interesting and profound too, but that really stood out.  |
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Post by def6 on Apr 26, 2010 20:24:47 GMT -5
Thank You Dear Lion for writing this! I will not neglect myself by neglecting my home. I will attend to my mess at the first opportunity. I will not allow messy situations to desensitize my brain into thinking -it's not that bad. It is that bad.
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Post by blessedapt on Apr 30, 2010 21:58:33 GMT -5
Thanks for bumping this thread. I read it a few days ago and was so profoundly affected that I couldn't respond at that time. I'm still thinking about it.....
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Post by razy on May 1, 2010 7:41:31 GMT -5
Lioness, you amaze me with how much time and thought you can put into a subject!
I have not read every word of this thread but the thought I am left with is that we are all 'in maintenance' in one way or another. If we have cleaned or tidied just a tiny space then we need to maintain that space.
As for lines in the sand - I like to have my own and when things get out of hand eg the bathroom gets messy then bearing in mind my line in the sand regarding the bathroom, I can regain order and feel like I have some type of control by putting the bathroom back to rights -not perfect but back behind that line.
With that in mind I am now going to clean up the hair dying paraphernalia that I have spread through the house and told myself that I can fix it tomorrow.
And I am going to up a load of towels in the wash.
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sunnyday
New Member
Joined: March 2010
Posts: 23
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Post by sunnyday on May 9, 2010 21:19:09 GMT -5
Lioness, thank you for these posts. They really touched me heart.
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Post by sidestep on Jun 22, 2010 21:44:18 GMT -5
Lion, I hope you don't mind me bringing this back for the benefit of many that may have missed it.
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Post by sparkle on Jun 27, 2010 18:51:41 GMT -5
I'm really glad you bumped this, step. I needed to read it again. Neglect. That's the right word for what I've been doing. Just remembering the word is helping me do things and not neglect them.
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willette
New Member
Joined: August 2010
Posts: 65
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Post by willette on Sept 6, 2010 4:12:02 GMT -5
Hey Lioness,
Thanks for taking time in Chat to talk to me tonight about your 12 step work. It's 4am and I'm struggling to find the right words to post. I agree with whoever said you should write a book. This thread has been very inspiring. You have been greatly blessed with your talent for words. I like the concepts you have adapted. I usually skip reading the comments but this time I read them all. I learned alot from what others said in reply to you. I think our members are right on track with desqualoring. I'm a pefectionist and my house can never be as clean as I would want it. There is never a perfect enough place for my stuff to go...so i just dont mess with it. I like being reminded that just because I do things impefectly doesnt make me a L@zy or bad person. I can't wait to get up so I can once again start cleaning. I know this blog to you a long time and alot of thought. Thank you!!!
Your Friend in Recovery...
Sarah
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Post by ellen on Sept 6, 2010 9:23:26 GMT -5
Lioness, I am just now getting to read this, and it is brilliant! Like Sarah, I don't always read all the comments but I read every word of this. Thank you so much.
And, Helen, I relate very much to what you wrote too.
I found the whole thread very encouraging and I thank everyone who added to it.
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Post by gini on Sept 6, 2010 11:09:20 GMT -5
Lioness
You are a treasure on this board.
gini
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Post by puppybox on Sept 7, 2010 20:48:38 GMT -5
I might be ready to do this now. I wasn't when you originally posted it.
I wanted instead to have things on a schedule- like do dishes every 2 days, vacuum every sunday night etc.
But I didn't know how often I should be doing things- I needed to declutter more because I knew if I did I would be able to maximize the time between scheduled cleanings of things.
I have decluttered a lot. still could do more. but am doing well.
I think I know how often most things need to be done. and am doing many of those things- not the dishes. But now I see how the schedule will work better in combination with the idea of NEVER neglecting messes.
Maybe abstinence was too intellectual a word for me? it didn't sing to me or hit me on the head emotionally. or maybe I just wasn't ready. I feel ready. Maybe it helps that I'm not exhausted from my old job anymore. I worry when I work full time again I won't have the energy to do the cleaning as much as the schedule demands. (the schedule is what is needed to keep the house looking clean and tidy). Like, vacuuming once a week, what my mother taught me is correct (and she's allergic to dust and by vacuuming I also mean dusting may things with the dust brush of the vacuum), is not going to be enough with 2 dogs and living on a busy street corner. but I can certainly start doing it. better to fail and start again than not try.
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Post by CourageouslyLion SeeksSerenity on Oct 3, 2010 21:25:04 GMT -5
- Abstinence from Neglecting any Mess Wow, I started this thread on the date December 7, 2009 (in North American time zones). I am finally living this ... since the end of August 2010. It's real. I'm really doing it. Wow. Thank you to everyone at the squalor forums ... and thank you, Higher Power. - |
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Post by waytoomuch on Dec 18, 2010 20:42:25 GMT -5
Courageously Lion, this is so helpful and thought provoking.
I think I will revisit this very often.
Abstaining from neglecting is absolutely the deal for me, too.
WOw.
Thank you.
Really amazingly, brilliantly, thought and written.
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