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Post by _Linda_ on Jul 9, 2011 6:51:08 GMT -5
Bumping this thread
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Post by dayeanu on Jul 10, 2011 4:43:55 GMT -5
Yay! I'm glad to see this has been pinned!
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Post by catcat on Jul 12, 2011 19:06:57 GMT -5
This is actually the first time I have ever read this. All,The.Way. Including .All. The. Replies. It is thought -provoking & well thought-out.Dear Lioness, I do so well remember when you first came to us in the other site. You have come sooooo far & also have become a terrific spokeswoman for us, sharing, guiding, helping, etc. Way more than I, for sure. I find it helpful, but realize it will take some rereading from time to time in order to get the most out of it. To really "get it" stuck in my head. I do already practice a lot of "do-it-nows", but am not always great at keeping up on certain maintenance things. One of your"bestest" points to me is that maintenance comes first, even though desqualoring clutter is far from done. And that gradual, but definite decluttering must also be worked in, but is not the most important daily thing to do. For me, that is a real find. As always, your extremely well written post is so helpful. What would we do without you? Love, catcat  |
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Post by def6 on Jul 19, 2011 15:41:18 GMT -5
Hey Lion, Wonderful post. I really do "get" this adaptation to AA's 12 step creed. Overeaters adaptation is very similiar. I think that the examples that you used are extremely helpful. I might print this out to read outload to myself. Thank you so much!
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Post by def6 on Jul 19, 2011 15:42:18 GMT -5
out loud that is  |
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Post by addy on Aug 19, 2011 10:59:27 GMT -5
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Post by carolinastomper on Sept 5, 2011 16:49:46 GMT -5
Lioness, you are my very own guardian angel. I see this post was written over 2 years ago. I saw it on the forum and had to read it. I read ALL of it, and all the replies. It really spoke to me as a thought process.
But I have to tell you, I come and go on this site. Sometimes I am gone for a long time and get frustrated with myself and come back to the site to try again. No matter how long I have been gone, or how many times I come back, there is always a post from you, Lioness, that directly speaks to whatever has driven me back.
Thank you, thank you, thank you.
Carolinastomper
PS Thank you, Linnie, for putting it where I needed to see it.
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Post by Freedom on Sept 16, 2011 13:20:38 GMT -5
Abstinence from Neglecting any MessMy goal: Abstinence from neglecting messes.What does THAT mean? NEGLECT ... This is something I can grab onto. A tangible concept. I can MAKE a mess.
I can LEAVE a tiny mess for a few minutes.
But I cannot NEGLECT a mess for hours/days/weeks! DCLion, this amazing concept afforded me much serenity this morning: I had some moments of color-matching/shirt-changing/MORE-shirt-changing which lasted right up to Last-Minute-to-Leave. There were shirts out of drawers & stacked on the bed. I thought of your words, and didn't panic. I left on time, got to where I was going on time and enjoyed myself. I didn't feel sick or smack myself on the head. I didn't fear I was having a relapse. Then I came home (hit the  room) and went right in and put away the shirts. No problem.     |
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prplecat
New Member
Joined: September 2011
Posts: 12
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Post by prplecat on Sept 25, 2011 23:18:41 GMT -5
I'm the world's worst about making a mess in the kitchen, then leaving it because I'm tired/achy. Today I cooked 3 meals and did dishes TWICE!!! This means that fixing dinner after work tomorrow night will be much easier, and I won't have the usual big stinky mess waiting for me. As a bonus, I have meat and gravy left over to use, and also enough leftovers from last night's dinner for 2 lunches. Home cookin' ROCKS!
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Post by crazycatlady on Oct 8, 2011 22:05:27 GMT -5
Thanks for the great post, Lioness! I find it so thought-provoking. I want to print it out and digest it. I have only made it through page 1 of this thread, and found this post. I think what you're doing is great. I'd be very cautious, though, when making rules about what constitutes "neglect." You're right about the need to retrain your brain, but I think some of the examples you gave would not work for me at least (maybe for you they would). Like needing to wipe up kitchen spills within 15 minutes...sometimes, with the best intentions in the world, my kids and other obligations make it impossible to do that. A kitchen spill can stay there from breakfast time until the evening and not be "neglecting," if you've been busy with other, more pressing obligations. Your laundry examples, too, would be too hard for me to follow (again, though, they're *your* examples and maybe would work well for you). If you fail to meet the time limits you've set for yourself, then you might give up altogether. I fight this in myself all the time. I'm trying to pull myself out of a rough patch right now because of something similar that happened last week. It's hard to know exactly where to draw the line. If you're too strict with yourself, you may give up after a "failure" to meet the rules. If you're too lenient with yourself, then it's too easy to slip back into squalor without noticing. I know how hard it is to figure this all out; I sure haven't yet.... Thanks for posting, because you really helped me see what I've been struggling with since last week. I lost momentum because of external events that were out of my control, but I saw it as a failure in myself and wanted to give up. I'm going to go tackle the dishes now--THANK YOU! I have a new job, and am learning about setting goals with clients. All goals must be measurable, which yours are Lioness. But as clients are beginning to work on new goals, we do not say they will do the action every time. We might say, "Wipe up all messes within 15 minutes. Do this 10 times out of 15 messes." Or maybe "put the dirty laundry in the hamper 5 days out of 7." Some people may find it simpler to set the somewhat rigid goals, and do their best to stick to them. While not being too hard on themselves when they don't meet all the goals. Other people may find saying they will meet this goal X out of Y times (and slowly increasing X as they learn and grow) to be better for them. I love the post, CLion. And it seems that you put some flexibility into your plan. But I also understand that like a 12 step program it will certainly look different for each of us. May we all keep moving towards having serene homes.  |
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Post by Ally on Oct 9, 2011 17:10:17 GMT -5
Lioness,
The first time I skimmed through this thread it SCARED me.
What if I set and unattainable goal, and fail?
I didn't think I was ready for it yet.
Now I'm starting to get it a little.
I am also realizing that this can be a guideline for adding activities to my life. I already work full time and commute 2+ hours a day.
That limits my availability to eliminate messes. If I started back to school as I have been considering, that will take X hours of time per week. That is time I wouldn't have available for elimnating messes. If I join a quilting club, or ladies night out at my local church, am I still going to be able to make progress in elimnating the mess?
I realize I need to have down time and fun time, but it all has to balance out.
Thanks for posting this.
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Post by CourageouslyLion SeeksSerenity on Oct 9, 2011 18:47:52 GMT -5
I am also realizing that this can be a guideline for adding activities to my life. I already work full time and commute 2+ hours a day.
That limits my availability to eliminate messes. If I started back to school as I have been considering, that will take X hours of time per week. That is time I wouldn't have available for elimnating messes. If I join a quilting club, or ladies night out at my local church, am I still going to be able to make progress in elimnating the mess?
I realize I need to have down time and fun time, but it all has to balance out. Ah ... yes. How to wisely distribute our time ... There is a thread that discusses exactly that -- more in depth -- here: takeonestepatatime.proboards.com/thread/1114 |
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Post by angela on Oct 15, 2011 16:18:01 GMT -5
Which thread Step?
Maintain-ance not Ignore-ance...
Mindfullness is so hard for me and my spinning, multi-tasking mind. I am starting my days lately with the goal of "no multi-tasking allowed!" One thing, then the next thing. Very hard to maintain focus but I think with practice I'll do better.
My boss gave me a little tool, as I do a task, I say to myself, outloud, "I am doing the dishes now, I am doing the dishes now..." over and over, focusing..it is useful when I remember to do it.
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Post by angela on Oct 15, 2011 16:58:53 GMT -5
Crazycatlady, I appreciate your post. I am thinking of reaching my goals in terms of percentages, 50% or more on the dailies and weeklies is a success for me.
I also think of accomplishment as simply whether something is "better." That's all I ask. Is the room "better."
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Post by Ally on Oct 3, 2012 12:39:49 GMT -5
A day or two ago Owl posted something to a newcomer: takeonestepatatime.proboards.com/index.cgi?action=gotopost&board=intro&thread=19472&post=302864A few things in that post reminded me of the type lingo that I associate with addiction, and drew me back to think about my approach to my mess. Just as an alcoholic didn't choose to become an alcoholic, I did not make a conscous choice to create this mess. I need to make a conscious effort to work towards recovery. It got me thinking. Can I be more active in my recovery? Have I made it the priority that I need to have made it? Should I revisit the idea of going through the 12 steps as they apply to squalor/hoarding? How can I continue to grow? Why is it that I can still walk through my house and not see the mess, or do more to eliminate it? I plan to reread this thread, and maybe write down some things... I've never been successful at keeping a journal, but maybe I should try again. |
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