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Post by Celeste on Jun 30, 2012 16:09:43 GMT -5
Important thread -- please favorite?? I agree. Done! |
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Post by indecisive75 on Sept 15, 2012 22:50:12 GMT -5
Thanks for this thread... I just came across it - was reading on amnesty and followed a link ...... Like many others, I can relate to this. A life I dream about. I too dream about having dinner parties with friends coming over. But in reality I dont dare invite people over, or only have the closest one or two to come over, because we are so messy. Or else a party is such a pain because we have to do so much clearing up beforehand, that we put off doing it....
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bitemenco
New Member
Joined: August 2012
Posts: 82
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Post by bitemenco on Sept 16, 2012 0:30:42 GMT -5
You people are in my head thinking my thoughts!!!  However, it prompted me to post to my local crafting group and ask if anyone wants the glass painting supplies I have. I'd rather rehome them with a friend, but if it comes to it, I'll post them on freecycle and give them away. |
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Post by creativechaos on Jan 13, 2014 20:06:17 GMT -5
bumping this important thread. just read the entire thing again; thank you so much, snailspace, for writing this down so eloquently and starting the conversation. it was poignant to read all the responses. you know what's the COOLEST thing about it? some of you folks wrote out the sadness of not living your dreams. some others pointed out that a lot of them were modest, do-able. and some of you then reported back on making some of these dreams happen! there is so much grief, pain, and shame around unlived dreams. hoarding/buying for the life unlived. but in re-reading this... you may not be able to live the whole GRAND dream (if you are a grand dreamer), but there are all sorts of aspects that you can live; and thus not be so invested in how 'it' turns out. you may love it and want to build on it. you may learn it's not yours anymore, that you have different dreams or callings. what's grand is the exploration of some of these facets, the trying on for size, the small and large actions we can take, the changing of our thinking to see possibilities and work, step by step, to help them bear fruit. any one of us can do that, no matter what. i've been stuck in the present - the "why this can't happen" mindset and been wasting precious life and time there. it doesn't have to be this way. so, if you've the inclination to read this thread or even a small part of it: what do you dream? how can you make even a small part of it come true (in what thoughts, ways, actions?) the part i still have trouble with, is why can't i do them ALL?  seriously though, by hanging on to the possibilities of "all," i hoarded up my life and now can't do ANY. must clean out what isn't serving, what will never serve, in order to do and have things that serve. at 60 years old i still have the misguided notion that i can do it 'all.' failing that, i go into the opposite side of that grandiose and delusional coin - perfectionism - if i can't do it all and perfectly i won't do any. nonsense! a little is good enough. for us arty/crafty types, i think Angela hit on it best. play play play - try 5 or 20 minutes of a thing here and there. get to know your materials, even the ones you "fear." that will inform decision-making and make it easier to release what you don't enjoy doing. GATHERING, for me, is acting out fear and avoiding my anxieties of DOING whatever i'm afraid of doing. these are the motivators that keep me going; the things that make me want to stop neglecting myself and my space over the sadness of the unlived. and yes, clean up the mess as the result of those cumulative neglects. so grateful for this thread. |
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Post by CourageouslyLion SeeksSerenity on Jan 13, 2014 21:08:34 GMT -5
GATHERING, for me, is acting out fear and avoiding my anxieties of DOING whatever i'm afraid of doing. Wow. |
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Post by Arwen on Sept 11, 2014 5:55:47 GMT -5
This thread is pure gold. I haven't fully processed how much it means to me yet. My first memory of hoarding goes back to age seven (or so) when my grandmother gave me some items for a "hope chest". To start me off there was a recipe book called Special Desserts, a pastry cutter and brush, a silver cake slice and a hand embroidered tablecloth. My other grandmother gave me some Wedgewood china and some Japanese plates with a strawberry pattern. I do (all these years later) use the Strawberry plates to serve things on very occasionally, and I use that pastry brush exactly once a year - since I make glazed hot cross buns at Easter. I don't know where the other things are now.  Anyway, I look back now after reading this thread and realize I started collecting for a life of Special Occasions and kept it up for 20 years after I started my hope chest. After I'd left home I went through quite intense phases of collecting lingerie, table linen, china & serving dishes, fabric that would make something lovely for an occasion....even wrapping paper, greeting cards and ribbon. After I had children the focus changed to things they'd grow into someday, and things I'd shrink into...once the baby weight shifted! Somewhere along the way the craft project fantasy world crept in too.. Lots to think about here. Thanks so much to the original poster, and all those wonderful and wise contributors since. |
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Post by Di on Sept 11, 2014 7:33:38 GMT -5
It's so frustrating to watch someone --time after tine-- attempt to buy a miracle because they "see" it work on TV.
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Post by turkeyhill on Sept 11, 2014 8:41:11 GMT -5
The same day I was scraping together change to put gas in my car I was looking at knitting needles (I had a gift cert to an online store) and wondering which ones would be better to get through airport security without any drama (decided I should stick with bamboo) for when I go visit my friends overseas.  |
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Post by turkeyhill on Sept 11, 2014 8:41:53 GMT -5
It's so frustrating to watch someone --time after tine-- attempt to buy a miracle because they "see" it work on TV. Marketing + desperation is powerful stuff.  |
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Post by angela on Sept 11, 2014 13:23:22 GMT -5
Glad to read all the posts again. So much to think about.
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Post by onwardandupward on Oct 27, 2014 8:48:49 GMT -5
This thread has been here a long time, yet I seemed to have somehow missed it.
Along my journey, I have had to "sort" my dreams as well as my stuff. Some dreams were held over from youth and were no longer appealing but I just kept them because it never occurred to me not to keep them. The same thing is true of many items from my youth.
Some dreams were not my dreams at all, but were based on what I felt other people wanted me to become or wanted me to do. I had to realize that they were not even mine, and any stuff that went with them was of no value to me.
Some dreams were based on assumptions that were not truthful. Some dreams were attempts to make amends for things I had done (or not done) that let my loved ones down and left me feeling guilty. The stuff that went with these things was some of the trickiest stuff to let go of.
One day I realized that many of my dream related items - the flawed beliefs as well as the physical items - were getting in the way of me actually living out my realistic, attainable, CURRENT dreams.
One of the ways that helped me learn to make peace with letting go of items is when I gave myself permission to love the part of me who dreamed the dream without beating up the part of me that was unable to make the dream a reality.
I began to realize that the stuff associated with most of my abandoned dreams actually made me feel quite terrible when I looked at it. With help from many wise people on this site, I began to use a different approach to sorting physical stuff. If looking at the item makes me feel bad about myself or causes me to revisit negative experiences, I let that item go. (Trash, donate, gift or sell.) Many items I would never think about until I ran across them looking for something else, but the wave of negative association would always be there...a sadness, pang of guilt, self hatred, failure - these things would become fresh in my mind.
As I have gotten further and further down the path of healing, it has become easier and easier to identify items with negative associations and dreams I no longer have, and easier to let go of these items as well as the associated ill-fitting dreams.
The space I have created for myself makes me happy. When I clean my rooms and stand back and see how nice they look, I feel pride, happiness, contentment - many of the feelings I was hoping those broken dreams would bring me.
Onward
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Post by angela on Oct 27, 2014 22:22:33 GMT -5
When I clean my rooms and stand back and see how nice they look, I feel pride, happiness, contentment - many of the feelings I was hoping those broken dreams would bring me. Onward    AND a fist pump for good measure! |
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cali
New Member
tip toeing along
Joined: April 2015
Posts: 14
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Post by cali on May 1, 2015 8:58:23 GMT -5
I have only managed to read the 1st 2 pages of this thread so far, as after this reply i feel i need to go clean up a little (yay) but it resonates with me completely! I'm a crossdresser which I think is one of the major reasons for my getting depressed. Coming out to my nearest & dearest was I thought going to solve everything & allow me to lead the life i so desire. Nothings ever that easy though! Its also a large part of my mess, dresses, tops etc literally cover an entire bedroom, my sofa & 2 armchairs. Theres no way I'll ever wear them all & there are a lot that were bought still trying to work out my sizes - these have to go but I'm really struggling to part with any of the others, it feels like in losing them I'll be repressing a part of me that I've worked so hard to free. Theres also a bit of a vicious circle going on though, when I feel down a little retail therapy often cheers me up short term but as my wardrobe (& mess) has grown I've actually spent less time en femme as its very hard to feel pretty & at peace with myself when I'm surrounded by rubbish! (even if some of it is very glamourous rubbish) I've started to take just a small carrier bag of clothes every day down to the charity shop, slowly thinning down my wardrobe. I doubt I'll ever get down to a "capsule wardrobe" that Gok Wan goes on about on How to look good naked but I feel this way I can declutter without repressing my identity. Many thanks to snailspace for starting this thread & to all who've contributed for another little bit of inspiration & I hope to catch up on the other pages soon |
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Post by angela on May 3, 2015 19:27:33 GMT -5
Hi cali and welcome. So glad this thread resonates with you. Have you seen the Closet Clean-Out thread? There are a lot of folks working through clothing right now. I just went through my own clothes and have managed to get 5 garbage bags out of my life. I started with getting rid of EVERYTHING that doesn't fit me NOW. I don't know what you have, but for me, anymore my clothes come from the thrifts and there aren't any "special" things in my wardrobe anymore so that makes it a lot easier for me to let things go. Good luck with your projects and enjoying your wardrobe. |
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cali
New Member
tip toeing along
Joined: April 2015
Posts: 14
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Post by cali on May 4, 2015 11:23:59 GMT -5
Thanks Angela! I will checkout that thread. I know nobody (least of all me) *needs* 3 ball gowns (etc) |
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