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Post by lookin4answers on Sept 29, 2009 23:56:46 GMT -5
There are no wrong answers in this poll. Simply want to find out if most folks that identify with a site to help hoarders - as I do. Would consider themselves to have a problem and if so, if they have asked for help.
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Post by Meme on Sept 30, 2009 0:49:43 GMT -5
I came here knowing I had some problems and asked for help and this is where I received help because of sharing and caring-
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Post by creativechaos on Sept 30, 2009 1:49:04 GMT -5
i was in a hoarding group online, but wasn't making much progress until i joined this wonderful group. there are so many ways to participate here and as meme said, it's the sharing and caring that makes me feel part of a community that supports each other in acting our way into a better life for ourselves, our families, and our loved ones.
i am so grateful every day that i found this group.
creativechaos
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Post by CourageouslyLion SeeksSerenity on Sept 30, 2009 9:10:13 GMT -5
-  Hello! We have over 1,400 members here at Stepping Out of Squalor. We are here to help Messies/Squalorers/Clutterers/Hoarders. - Some of us have messy homes.
- Some have squalorous homes.
- Some have cluttered homes.
- Some of us are hoarders.
- Some of us distinctly differentiate between these labels.
- Others find the labels interchangeable.
- Some of us find it to be an intertwined syndrome.
I would guess that 99 % of our members are in one of the following three stages: - Some of us used to have the problem, and are here to maintain recovery.
- Some of us are actively working to clear/clean out.
- Some of us are just beginning the mental preparations to change our way of living.
Hoarders - asking for help
Poll Question: Two part question
(a) Do you see yourself as having a problem
and (b) have you asked for help 
There are no wrong answers in this poll. Simply want to find out if most folks that identify with a site to help hoarders - as I do. Would consider themselves to have a problem and if so, if they have asked for help. I guess I don't understand your question(s). As I said above, this forum is for those of us who feel we have (or used to have) a problem. "Help" is the purpose of this forum. We joined this forum (and the prior forum) because we wanted help. Those who are recovering help mentor those who are struggling, and together we all grow and change. What kind of "help" were you referring to? Professional help? Such as help from psychiatrists/psychologists/therapists, or help from "professional organizers"? I'm just not clear on what you're asking. Your thread title is "Hoarders - asking for help". Are you asking for responses from ONLY the "hoarders" who are members here? Or do you want responses from the messy/disorganized/squalorous members, too? Some other threads that might be of interest to you: Who we are at Stepping Out of Squalortakeonestepatatime.proboards.com/index.cgi?board=general&action=display&thread=375Poll: Anyone here NOT a hoarder?
How would you classify yourself?takeonestepatatime.proboards.com/index.cgi?action=display&board=general&thread=7062No hoarding? Then why the squalor?takeonestepatatime.proboards.com/index.cgi?action=display&board=general&thread=7127Difference between squalor & hoardingtakeonestepatatime.proboards.com/index.cgi?board=general&action=display&thread=3951- |
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Post by Celeste on Sept 30, 2009 10:04:43 GMT -5
First, I moved this thread because it was a question asked to the general population here rather than an member's introduction, which is where it was originally located. Second, I think it is a given that just about everyone here has identified a problem with their housekeeping or acquisition/culling habits at some time or another. Furthermore, they've obviously looked online for help and support from fellow sufferers. That's the purpose of the site, after all.  Those that haven't may have someone they love living in squalor and want to get a better insight into what causes their problems. |
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Post by gottaproblem on Sept 30, 2009 10:07:31 GMT -5
I first marked yes I do and no I haven't asked for help, but then I thought about how I post here and get encouragement from all of you. So no I haven't brought in help, except for dump and goodwill runs, but I feel I have gotten help here.  |
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Post by howardsgirlfriend on Sept 30, 2009 10:09:19 GMT -5
CL, perhaps this poll could be followed by another poll, asking for more detail about different types of help?
I used to believe that I had many different problems that caused chaos in all areas of my life. I further believed that many of them were character flaws so axiomatic to me that they would never change, and that we were alone in the world. Thanks to the "clean your house shows," reading about hoarding, meds, counseling, and SOS most of all, I have learned how many wonderful people understand and share these problems. I have learned to identify the common themes to different types of squalor--I don't have as many different problems as I thought! Whew!
Anxiety + ADHD + sentimentality + an ENFP personality type + family history of hoading and/or clutter + an accomodating personalty with random pockets of irrational stubbornness + Mom with untreated ADHD + anxious, shy, hoarding DH + clutter-producing hobbies + multiple-pet household + lack of organizational and cleaning skills + shame and embarrassment = howardsgirlfriend's life!
I can change only some of this equation, but I only need to change part of it for the sum to be better.
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Post by lookin4answers on Sept 30, 2009 23:18:36 GMT -5
Celeste and other members of the boards,
My apologies for posting this to the wrong area to begin with. My first post, so I plead beginners mix-up.
I've been looking through books on hoarding and many speak to the family and friends of hoarders. They start from the premise that hoarders don't know they have a problem. Everyone, I know that suffers from this, knows that something is not the way they would like it to be. They, as do I, know something is wrong. I'd like help and I've asked for it. That said, I'm not always sure how to ask for help or how to explain what is going on that caused this problem.
I wish there was a book that spoke to family and friends of hoarders, without anger and condescension. A book that talked about how this issue, does not negate a persons intelligence or mean that the person is an imbecile - simple a person with an issue that could use some help.
I spoke to someone who wrote one of these books the other day and was impressed with much of what they said. However, they indicated that most peope with this condition will not admit they have a problem. I'm wondering if that is really the case or if many, as do I, resist being labeled as "the problem one". So in an effort to deflect the label, they say they have no problem. I hope that makes sense.
Anyway, I've got a premise here and I'm wondering if a lot of the books or philosophies on this subject, may be causing an increase in the, "point and shame" game. So I thought I'd start by asking the question.
Thanks for bearing with me on this. I'm just as my name says - "lookin 4 answers"
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Post by success19 on Sept 30, 2009 23:31:20 GMT -5
I actually think my clutter is a secondary issue - I think depression and anxiety - dealing with life and a job I dislike are my primary concerns - and that has led to clutter and the beginnings of hoarding. I also have a landlord that isn't very concerned about repairs most of the time. Then there is the money issue - I find it hard to throw out things because I paid for it (those 60 dollar textbooks from the 80s that no one wants) - those old clothes that went out of style but still fit.
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Post by creativechaos on Oct 1, 2009 0:06:07 GMT -5
lookin,
the book "buried in treasures" (randy frost and gail steketee), although specifically written for hoarders, has a lot of great info. for families and loved ones that is helpful on how to work with the hoarder. it's really a good book and is gently and respectfully written. i think every loved one of a hoarder should read that book.
there is also an online group recommended by h-c (hoarders- clutterers) that is supposed to be a more compassionate group for families and loved ones of hoarders. i'll try to think of the name and modify this post so check back in a few days.
thanks for the clarification on your question.
hugs, cc
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MiSC
Banned
Joined: May 2008
Posts: 1,611 
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Post by MiSC on Oct 1, 2009 3:41:57 GMT -5
Hi L4A.  I'm 46, and I've always been sloppy, but it wasn't until I hit about 40 that I realized there was such a thing as hoarding and that I was, myself, a hoarder. My hoarding tended to be towards the squalor end, according to SOS standards, and by the NSGCD scale I was hovering around a 4 in most categories. I had help without asking for it many, many times, and I can't imagine how painful and even enraging to those who'd tried so hard to help me dig out. I just can't even imagine that feeling, but man, I know it's got to be bad. When my kids came along I was still in denial about how bad it really was. Then as time went by I sort of "got it" and started looking around our house, finally and truly wanting things to change, but I had no clue where to start in all the mess. It stayed like that for years -- me staring at the mess and then literally turning my back (usually to the computer) so I didn't have to feel the confusion, helplessness, hopelessness, and sadness. My self-esteem has been really, really bad most of my life, and at that point I learned that this is a HUGE part of it. Fast forward to the spring of 2009 when an opportunity I couldn't pass up dropped into my lap, and I grabbed that lifeline. Simply putm I agreed to literally air my dirty laundry on a national television series ("Hoarders" on A&E) in exchange for 6 months of treatment with an organizer or a psychologist. We'd already begun work with a psychologist who specialized in hoarding behaviors, so I chose the organizer. The house is still messy, but this is no longer the home of a hoarder. The change has been clear and dramatic. My last appointment with the CPO-CD is next week. Our time runs out then. Wish us luck, 'cause we're on our own after that. Hope this helps. |
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Post by breakingfree on Oct 1, 2009 13:06:37 GMT -5
Celeste and other members of the boards, My apologies for posting this to the wrong area to begin with. My first post, so I plead beginners mix-up. I've been looking through books on hoarding and many speak to the family and friends of hoarders. They start from the premise that hoarders don't know they have a problem. Everyone, I know that suffers from this, knows that something is not the way they would like it to be. They, as do I, know something is wrong. I'd like help and I've asked for it. That said, I'm not always sure how to ask for help or how to explain what is going on that caused this problem. I wish there was a book that spoke to family and friends of hoarders, without anger and condescension. A book that talked about how this issue, does not negate a persons intelligence or mean that the person is an imbecile - simple a person with an issue that could use some help. I spoke to someone who wrote one of these books the other day and was impressed with much of what they said. However, they indicated that most peope with this condition will not admit they have a problem. I'm wondering if that is really the case or if many, as do I, resist being labeled as "the problem one". So in an effort to deflect the label, they say they have no problem. I hope that makes sense. Anyway, I've got a premise here and I'm wondering if a lot of the books or philosophies on this subject, may be causing an increase in the, "point and shame" game. So I thought I'd start by asking the question. Thanks for bearing with me on this. I'm just as my name says - "lookin 4 answers" My mother will not admit she has a problem. No matter how gently, patiently, etc., that anyone is, she becomes very defensive and says if my dad was worth anything he would have provided a larger house with more storage, etc. So, in my mom's case, the experts are right. BF |
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Post by CourageouslyLion SeeksSerenity on Oct 1, 2009 13:25:12 GMT -5
Celeste and other members of the boards,
My apologies for posting this to the wrong area to begin with. My first post, so I plead beginners mix-up.
I've been looking through books on hoarding and many speak to the family and friends of hoarders. They start from the premise that hoarders don't know they have a problem. Everyone, I know that suffers from this, knows that something is not the way they would like it to be. They, as do I, know something is wrong. I'd like help and I've asked for it. That said, I'm not always sure how to ask for help or how to explain what is going on that caused this problem.
I wish there was a book that spoke to family and friends of hoarders, without anger and condescension. A book that talked about how this issue, does not negate a persons intelligence or mean that the person is an imbecile - simple a person with an issue that could use some help.
I spoke to someone who wrote one of these books the other day and was impressed with much of what they said. However, they indicated that most people with this condition will not admit they have a problem. I'm wondering if that is really the case or if many, as do I, resist being labeled as "the problem one". So in an effort to deflect the label, they say they have no problem. I hope that makes sense.
Anyway, I've got a premise here and I'm wondering if a lot of the books or philosophies on this subject, may be causing an increase in the, "point and shame" game. So I thought I'd start by asking the question.
Thanks for bearing with me on this. I'm just as my name says - "lookin 4 answers" Lookin4answers, Thank you for clarifying! I was totally nonplussed by your original post. Since we are a group of 1400 people who know we have a problem and are seeking help by being here, your poll question made no sense to me. I couldn't figure out why you had joined a support group for those who wish to recover ... and then asked such a question. I also saw your other thread here: takeonestepatatime.proboards.com/index.cgi?board=general&action=display&thread=7372After reading both of those threads, I wondered if you were a sister messy/squalorous/hoarding person like us? Or if you were actually a curious researcher/reporter/gawker. I was wondering ? ? ? ...
But now that I've read your clarification, that helps me understand where you are coming from. Thank you for clarifying!It was also very nice to be able to chat with you last night in the chatroom. It helped me to understand you better. I apologize for misunderstanding you at first. Hugs! 
Anyhow... let's move on from here.  Welcome! ... what I'm hearing you say (from your clarification post, and from what you said to me in chatroom) ... is that you have been disparaged by loved ones, and wish there was some book you could give them to help them understand you. You say that you've been to other websites and read some books about hoarding ... and all the resources you've looked at say that hoarding is incurable because hoarders never acknowledge that they have a problem, and see no need to change. But you really DO see your issues and DO want to change, so therefore that research was frustrating for you. And that's why you asked all of us if we actually see our problem and want help. As we tried to explain in chat, perhaps the issue is the "Stages of Change". The Stages of Change are explained here: takeonestepatatime.proboards.com/index.cgi?board=general&action=display&thread=6766I suggest thoroughly reading the various links to see the full definitions of the stages of change. (The labels don't always mean what you might assume). If a hoarder is in "precontemplation", then she/he won't be acknowledging the issue. You might also be interested reading about the theory that " hoarding is a successful compulsion" takeonestepatatime.proboards.com/index.cgi?action=display&board=general&thread=7326That is one theory as to why a hoarder might not feel a need to change. - |
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Post by Meme on Oct 1, 2009 20:39:49 GMT -5
and also there is the thought that If you do admit to having a problem - then one must do something about it and sometimes we do not know what do and yet suddenly we are expected to cure ourselves because we have admitted that we have a problem
-- and also it is very personal and should not include others judging us based on that label.
how one defines some one else as a hoarder if beyond me-- what makes me feel I should use that definition on some one else-- unless they have giving me permission too.
I do not like labels as they tend to cover the person and the person simply becomes that label to the labeler-
You can say I am a person who hoards but please do not call me a hoarder-
I am more than that..........I am a person who loves but no one says that I am a lover-
I am a person who is content but no one calls me a content-er-----------and so on-
when we label someone we simply put them into a category-that becomes a cage-
My daughter is my daughter because of who she is and not how she keeps her house-
and my friends here are friends for what see in their hearts rather than the issues they are dealing with- that is a small part of what I see- it is called looking out side the box-
I see that Meme is getting radical- or thinking out-loud!
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pammybear
New Member
Joined: August 2009
Posts: 71
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Post by pammybear on Oct 2, 2009 15:05:10 GMT -5
One thing I have realized as I explore this subject is that no two hoarders are alike. There is a wide variety of causes, behaviors, etc. I'm annoyed by hoarder-expert books because they try to lump together things that don't belong together.
My mother was a classic goat-trails depression-kid hoarder, and my exhusband was a pack-rat hoarder. And I'm a hoarder-brained child of a hoarder. And I know people who are in total denial, and other people who know and care and desperately want help.
In my mother's case the hoarding was the least of her issues. She had huge control issues and brain problems and while I feel sorry for her, she really messed up our childhood and adulthood. There are a lot of emotions attached to things that I got blamed on from her. There was no simple way to "cure" her.
My exhusband had (still has) no idea that he had too much stuff. He did use it to control fairly often, but he wasn't the twisted person my mother was. To him it's logical - you can't do something because it'll get in the way of my stuff.
I wouldn't call myself a hoarder at all except that the more I learn (and unlearn), I realize that I think like a hoarder. Do I need stuff? No - but it's in my brain that I do. I still firmly believe that you need to be surrounded by piles of stuff, because that was drilled into me as a child. Stuff should be out where you can get to it (in theory, though nobody can actually access it). The smell of rodent poo/pee is a normal household smell. And so on.
This is just three people, all different. Other hoarders I know or learn about are even more different still. Lots of things go into hoarding.
I adore this board because I can admit my own issues. And at the same time I can see that other people with different hoarding issues are lovely wonderful people too. I'm working very hard on coming to terms with my mother and my ex.
And I'm really learning about how fascinating and varied the hoarder world is.
This is my way of answering your question - sometimes there aren't any exact answers. Welcome and waiting for your story!
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